The rain falls heavily all around me yet I don't care - all I can think of is what I have become.. looking at my reflection I ask myself how it all came to this?
I never wanted to hurt anyone, I tried so hard to control it.. yet in the end it took control.. like it always does.. the darkness..
I keep staring at that reflection as I remember how it all began..
It was another ordinary day in Equestria and everyone was having so much fun, that was except for me - I had woken earlier than usual, before the sun had risen and I couldn't get back to sleep.
I eventually went outside and sat in the garden as I waited for the sun to come out, I tried to figure out what was wrong with me but I simply couldn't - truth is there was nothing wrong with me.. it just happened.. I had no idea why or why but all I knew for certain was that I felt a deep sense of hate within me.
I hated everything and everyone, especially myself - I could already feel tears rolling down my cheeks as I broke down, I just couldn't understand what was happening to me.. I had went to bed that night quite content.. everyone had been so nice to me.. why was I now so angry? so hateful? It didn't make any sense..
After what seemed like an eternity the sun began to rise and I flinched, getting to my feet and spreading my wings out as I took flight.
I must have continued that lonely flight for hours before I finally found a group of familiar ponies playing atop a nearby hill, the Cutie Mark Crusaders - the fillies seemed so happy and I felt myself hating them.. at once I shook myself and dived down, running to hide under a nearby tree..
What was wrong with me? they were innocent little fillies - they had done me no harm.. yet I could hear a voice speaking to me from within:
"..they don't deserve to be happy..".
I cried again as I began to slam my hooves against my head repeatedly, trying to get rid of that horrible voice as it continued to call out - I felt sick and a cold sweat was already forming all over my body as I shivered uncontrollably.
It was then I heard a small voice speak out, awakening me momentarily from the nightmare as I looked over to see Scootaloo standing nearby:
"..are you alright, Fluttershy? you don't look so good.." she asked, tilting her head - eyes wide with concern.
"..oh? I.. I'm fine.. thank you.. it.. it's nothing.." I lied, getting shakily to my feet as I wiped away tears and turned from the filly.
My heart raced as I turned around again, looking to Scootaloo as she approached - clearly still concerned.
"Are you sure you're okay? Do you want me to get Rainbow Dash or the others? you look sick.." Scootaloo continued.
"..I.. I'm fine.." I replied, once again turning away - only to hear a familiar sound.
I gritted my teeth as I spun around, having to fight back an urge to yell at the filly - why wouldn't she just leave me alone?
"..I'm sorry.. I'm just worried.. that's all.." Scootaloo said, bowing her head a little.
"It's okay Scootaloo.." I said, turning away - then I felt myself pausing as something inside me compelled me to turn around again "..uhm.. Scootaloo? ..can I speak with you? somewhere.. alone?".
Scootaloo looked uncertain at first, I didn't blame her in the slightest - even I knew something was wrong.. if she had any sense she'd run away now.. get help.. maybe the others would be able to figure out what was going on with me before it was too late..
"..Alright, Fluttershy.." Scootaloo finally replied and tagged along behind me - I knew she was trying to comfort me, she was a kind filly and knew no better.. I on the other hand had no excuse.. whatever I was doing.. it was wrong.. yet I was powerless to stop it as my mind become like a blur, controlling my movements.
Eventually Scootaloo and I returned to my garden where I told her to sit, another look of uncertainty came over her but she did as requested - I then went into my home and closed the door behind me.
As soon as I was inside I went over to a large chest filled with all my clothes and accessories, I began to fish them out at random and put them on - I was an absolute mess, a colorful clown of a pony.. yet I felt a smile spread across my face for the first time that day as I looked to Angel, who was huddled in the corner:
"Isn't it wonderful? Scootaloo will love it! Oh Angel - it's going to be so much fun! You'll see!".
No sooner had the words left my mouth than I blinked, they made no sense yet my body was already on the move as my mind struggled to make sense of it all - opening the door and entering the garden I went over to Scootaloo.
The filly watched as I approached, her face full of confusion - I sat down on the grass next to her and smiled: despite the fear in her eyes Scootaloo smiled back.
"W-what you doing, Fluttershy?" she began.
"Playing a game.." I replied.
"Oh.. r-really? I.. I like games.." Scootaloo said, her nerves slowly fading.
"Would you like to play?" I asked, feeling the last of what I assumed was my sanity tearing away as the world began to spin around me.
"Sure.. what we going to play?" Scootaloo asked.
"It's a surprise.." I replied.