Are you tired of your boring plain dreams?
Do you want something to get your adrenaline rushing? Something exciting? Tell, my good sir or madame, when was the last time you had a good old bad dream?
Now, now, I know what you're thinking, bad dreams have quite a bad reputation, but it's all nonsense. Sure they'll wake you up, but you were going to do that anyway. You read creepypastas, so you like scary stories, don't you? If you like scary stories, why wouldn't you want a good old bad dream?
Oh, how rude of me! I did not even introduce myself. My name is Mr. Nightmare.
You see, you'd be surprised how many people actually want nightmares. R. L. Stevenson used a nightmare to come up with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and let me tell you, when his wife woke him up from that nightmare, he got mad. Oh she meant well, but she, like many people, just don't understand the power of nightmares.
And you know what? I do it for free.
Let me explain the process. I go into your head while you sleep, which can be tricky sometimes, what with dream catchers and stuff getting in the way, and then I just eat those boring dreams of yours.
Yes sir, I just eat them up. That's why I do it for free, because I get a meal out of each time I visit.
I then search through your head to come up with the perfect nightmare. I find your insecurities, anything scary you might have read or watched, or experienced recently, and then I pick which parts to use in your nightmares. I might even have to make something to add in, just to make sure it will scare you.
Children are generally easier. They're new to the world, and are small, so everything looks big and scary to them. They also have a harder time telling fiction from reality which makes the process easy. Their little imaginations can come up with the darnedest things sometimes.
Of course, searching your minds makes me come to know you on a very personal level. You see, in order to find what I need, I have to look through everything in your head. Why, I might even know you better than you know yourself! Those good-dream makers can't say that about you, because they only make things that will make you happy, so they just look at what kind of things you like, which are on the front of your mind. You see, they push the bad things to the back of your head to make my job harder. Quite rude of them. Their actions led to many... conflicts.
Actually, some of them work for me, now, working as nightmares. You met one of them at the door. She used to be a pretty princess who doubled as a love interest for a teenage boy, but now she's my darling demon-like entity. Can't be replaced, hard to believe she ever used to be in good dreams. Heh heh.
(cough) Pardon me I- oh what. Oh. You're worried about- dying in your dreams!? Pah!
Despite popular belief, you don't die in real life if you die in your dreams. Many people die and their dreams and wake up... well, they cry sometimes, depending on how they died in the dream. You know, sometimes they just dream they died and went to the afterlife, and sometimes they dream about all the little details about how they died. Oh, but you can specify the limits for dying dreams if you like. There's a separate form for that. A waste of paper if you ask me!
About the warranty, if you're not satisfied with the nightmare, I'll give you a scarier one the next day.
You can also sign up to receive nightmares while sleeping in certain positions, such as on your back or left side. Look it up, many people are more likely to have nightmares in these positions.
Now, that you're interested (a right smart person you are, I'll tell you!) let me explain how to get it.
You have some paperwork to fill out. If you like, though, you can ask for a free trial.
Now, you enter when you want the dream, and what level nightmare you want (see the numbers that go from 1 (mildly bad dream) to 10 (horrifying life-scarring nightmare)). If you want to sign up to get nightmares in certain positions, check which position you want, and the nightmare levels you'd prefer.
Oh, the side effects? Those only apply for if you've had (or later receive) a recent trauma. Besides, you won't remember any of this when you wake up anyway. Well, you might, but it's rare.
If you happen to remember, could you advertise for me a bit? Business has been rough, and I need to eat, as do my employees.
Oh, don't mind the screaming behind the locked door. It's just a dream.
Written by PyroGothNerd