June 1st, 2015. 1:50 PM-

Day 269

I had a mental breakdown on the subway last night. My hallucinations have gotten worse, and one of these days I'm gonna have a heart attack. There was only three other people on the A train at the time, but they didn't exist in this hallucination. Imagine sitting on an almost empty train and watching someone have a mental breakdown right in front of your eyes. I'm sure they had no experience with mental illness.

Why did I seem to be the only one who sees things like this? I ask questions like this constantly. Why do I fall asleep in my bed at night, then wake up sitting on my couch? Why do I find myself with sudden bruises and band aids that weren't on my body yesterday? Why do I find comfort in a static TV? No one has answers. I mean, who would have answers? Why would anyone know why I see people walking around my apartment?

But this metro incident was nothing like my regular hallucinations. I have had visions on the train before but it was nothing more than a cat walking around. This one was different. I was staring at a duplicate of myself. I had imagined myself. I watched as warm red blood ran down his... or my arm. Then I saw it dripping off his sweater, and heard it plop on the cold metro floor. A pair of gardening shears were jammed in his throat and he was bleeding everywhere. Out of his mouth, his nose, his ears, his eyes. Everywhere. I fell to the floor, screaming and trying to catch my breath.

He grabbed the shears and started to pull. Slowly, he was contracting the garden tool out of his throat. The flesh ripped as he moaned, and I watched as the shears hit the ground, his knees locked, and he fell to his knees. Then fell right back onto the shears as they pierced his chest. Then the man in the suit shook me till I snapped back to reality. The mother comforted her infant child till he stopped crying. My shrink is going to have a field day tomorrow.