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The only true guarantee in life is that you will die. People spend their entire lives trying to find purpose in existence, the big kicker at the end is that there is none. Any progression that is made in society, as people, in this planet, is futile.
Everything dies, we will all die. For years I’ve been trying to find my purpose, more and more recently I’ve realized that my only purpose, everyone’s purpose, is to end. This planet will end, all of the people with it.
Where does that leave us? Right back where we started. We’re forced into a world that is cruel and unforgiving, it surprises me that people can believe there is something watching over us controlling what happens, they would have to be one sick twisted fuck.
People can say that death is not worth it, that it does not solve anything, it solves everything. It solves disputes, it ends relationships, dues, problems, it ends pain. You can feel no more pain once you are dead, you have no more problems once you are dead.
I do believe that there’s an equal balance of good and bad in this world, the same applies to death. I wonder when I will actually be pushed far enough to end my own life, but I firmly believe that I will be the end of myself. Some problems just can’t be solved, sometimes happiness is unattainable. It would be nice to think that I could just rest forever, and not have to deal with any more problems, I love sleeping. I have no teeth, it is a fault of mine and it pains me every day.
To think that I could just not think of anything, not do anything, not feel anything, that’s the greatest thought I’ve ever had. I try to block my mind with drugs and other miscellaneous distractions, but the darkness that looms over me is too strong. Too strong to forget my past, my present, my future, my views, my life. I just want to forget. I want a new life, one that’s free of the vices of today’s world and society. People struggle and struggle every day, holding on only so they can struggle more.
People treasure their life because they are afraid of what might happen afterwards. How much worse can it be than questioning yourself and everything every day? The way I see it, death is the ultimate release, it is everyone’s destiny, postponing it is only hiding from the truth. Thinking that things will get better is just as bad as thinking things will get worse, as they are both true.
But why should we have to put up with the bad? Just so all of our efforts can get smashed to pieces in the end? Even if you do go down in history, history itself must die, you will be forgotten, we will be forgotten. No matter who you are, or what you’ve done, in the end it will all die, all of your work and perseverance will amount to nothing. They say I have problems, they say I need to get a grip. I have a grip, I know reality, I know how things really work. They are the ones that need help.
What is happiness? Is it love? Money? Power? To me, happiness is the ability to pretend that the world isn’t ending around you, the ability to actually believe things will get better and stay that way. Happiness is the ability to lie to yourself.
People think of themselves too highly. Not just personal opinion, mind you. As a whole, humans believe they are more valuable than other creatures on this planet. It is illegal to kill another human being, but we kill animals every day for our food supply. Even if you’re not hunting animals, you’re buying meat, so in a sense, you’re just having someone kill them for you, like a crime boss of some sort.
Vegetarians are just as bad though, they believe that we are not made to eat meat, and it’s cruel to eat meat. It is survival of the fittest, and by all means we are the fittest. My point is, why should a human life be more valuable than an animal’s life? We murder the helpless creatures that we decide taste good enough to be eaten, but an intelligent human being is illegal to kill because the insignificant little dot thinks they have something to contribute.
We are all here to run this planet dry of resources, it’s what all animals do, or try to do. There’s a way to keep a certain “natural balance” about things, though we are certainly not attaining it. Humans just have a special way of fucking things up for everybody, in all contexts.
I get the urge to end another humans life almost unnaturally often. Almost as often as I get the urge to end my own. People disgust me, they can’t own up to their actions, they don’t understand physical and figurative boundaries, they contradict themselves, they can’t control their emotions, they eat themselves fat, starve themselves skinny, and they all think they have a bigger purpose. Everyone wants to know why they’re alive, why they lead their pointless lives about with pointless relationships and pointless things until it’s all gone. It’s because we don’t know any better.
Besides, what else is there to do?
“I spoke with God, and he has abandoned us.”
“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.”
“We’re in a giant car heading toward a brick wall, and everyone’s arguing over where they’re going to sit”