I've had insomnia since I was little, so it was not unusual for me to not get a good night's rest. There are other reasons to this, mostly anxiety and my few phobias and other complicated things...
You see I have necrophobia (fear of death), arachnophobia (fear of spiders; however, I fear big ones), coulrophobia (fear of clowns), and daemonphobia (fear of demons). Almost every night I toss and turn trying to sleep but my mind races with many thoughts such as Jeff the Killer coming through my window and telling me to the go to bed, and in my restless state, he waits no longer and kills me, even though I don't believe in his existence. Sometimes it's the thought of giant spiders crawling on my bed, or I wake up to an evil clown staring at me or even worse... the "Demon" that haunts me when I go to sleep...
A few nights ago, while tossing and turning, I heard a sort of tearing sound, like tearing paper or a sharp inhale. I brushed it off because I have two dogs who wander in my room from time to the time tearing up the paper on my floor.
I said, "Lana, Dewey, do you want to lie in bed with me?"
I patted my bed side to get Lana or Dewey to come closer, but I was only met with the tearing. I grabbed my body pillow and buried my face in it, trying to fall asleep, but I just ended up getting frustrated with each passing moment. All I heard was a low hum of my fucking air conditioner and the tearing sound. When I finally began to drift off, it didn't even feel like the usual heavy sleep; it felt light, like if a floor board were to make the slightest creak, it would snap me back to reality. I couldn't shake the feeling I was not alone but I didn't even dare to open my eyes and see if the feeling was true.
I kept telling myself, "You need to sleep; another night of unrest will only make the day more unbearable. Go... to... sleep. There is nothing here; you're only imagining it. Go... to... sleep."
It took what felt like hours for me to finally fall into a deep slumber. I can't remember much of the dream I had that night; only that it was unusual. The fragments I do remember however, piece together into a sort of dream within a dream.
The dream started with me just sitting on my bed and my dogs lying next to the me. Someone walked in and sat down on the other side of the bed, their back facing me. I asked them if they were OK, but they just lay down and curled into a fetal position. I looked at them for a while and fell asleep soon after.
The next part I remember is that I was sitting in a tree and the same person who was on my bed sat on a branch above me. We were having an involved conversation on a topic I can't recall, nor can I recall what the person looked like. We were high above the ground and I couldn't help but look down and try to see every small detail my "hawk-eyes" could find. The branch I was sitting on broke and the ground below disappeared. I grabbed a vine and started swinging; the other person no where in sight.
In the next fragment, I was standing in an almost empty meadow. Only a few trees dotted the landscape and the sky was dark. I heard someone yell my name. Looking around, I caught a few glimpses of what must have been gruesome and gory images. I don't remember what they looked like but I remember feeling my stomach churn and the smell of death fill my nose and the sound of gagging. I fell to the my hands and knees, breathing heavily. When the urge to vomit subsided, I stood up and saw the same person running towards me with a gleeful smile on their face, yelling my name. Then, I felt dizzy and all I saw was white.
The final fragment, which leaves me with many questions, started with me and the other person walking into a repair garage kind of place. Just a few steps in I collapsed. It was kind of as if I... died... There was a flash of lightning and a person was cradling my limp body in their arms begging me not to the be dead and sobbing, almost wailing, like a mother would do when she hears of her child's death. Another flash and the shadow of a person softly swinging from a noose, and another fucking shadow.
It was about the height of a young child, its hair looked frizzy and tangled. It was holding a knife above its head and I remember the laugh... I'd heard it before; that fucking laugh that torments me to no end. The laugh of that demonic fuck. As if the laugh was not enough it started chanting its usual chant, in the same maniacal, shaky, chuckling tone; it was almost singing it:
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna cut your lips and tongue off with this knife. The knife of many forge metals and infused with Mercury. I think I might slit your throat too so if you don't bleed out or if the blade doesn't kill, then the poison will. You'd better run, you'd better try to hide. Cause I'LL STAB YOU IN THE SIDES! Maybe while you think of that I might as well STAB YOU IN THE BACK! Oh but you can't run and you can't hide because I WILL FIND YOU WITH MY AURA SIGHT!
I woke up, my sheets were slightly stuck to my skin, soaked in sweat and tears. I was breathing like I had held my breath until I was close to passing out. I looked around the darkness in my room and lay back down, softly sobbing so I wouldn't wake my brother, who could not care less about what just happened and would just yell at me. I was at my wit's end; I felt like if this continued, it might kill me: The fear, the anxiety, the sleep deprivation, the loneliness. Even as I type this I feel tears welling in my eyes and a feeling that my heart wants to stop...