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Inner Demons

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At first it was just a whisper that manifested itself whenever something bad happened or I was stressed. My first encounter with it came during preseason camp. I was busting my ass to work harder, but it always seemed like I was never good enough to get the spot or even have my name mentioned. I always received the typical “you are a hard worker and someday you'll be a great asset for our team.” Whenever I first heard it I dismissed it to just being mad, but as time progressed I could feel myself beginning to listen to it. It made me violent, cynical, and popular. I never have figured it out why, but it seemed to make me the life of the party which never happened when I was myself. I was outgoing, confident, and respected. Life was great when I first listened to it. Then, all of a sudden, it stopped for a couple months when I went home for Christmas break, weird...

Why did I have to manifest in this sack of shit teddy bear? I could have taken any person that I wanted to, but I just HAD to have this one... But you know what? This shit-head has potential for me. He's 6' 4” of muscle, which is a perfect candidate for me. The only problem is that wouldn't hurt a fly,but that's just a minor detail that can easily be changed with some coercion by yours truly. At first I just had to introduce myself in a positive light. Give the kid some confidence, get him some girls, and make him well respected enough with the other meat bags so he trusts me. Once he does that I'll push him a little farther and see how he reacts.

Once I got back to campus it returned, but it was much stronger than I remembered. Now it wasn't just a whisper, but a full on voice telling me what to do. I was cool with it at first, because I thought it would be the same as before, but its not. It's trying to get me to be more violent than before, and while I like the confidence that it gives me, I don't want to hurt anyone...

Ah… that was a nice vacation; it let me get used to this sack of meat that he calls a brain. It also let me figure out some nice dirty details on him that I'm sure will come in handy later on. But for now it looks as if he is getting cold-feet about listening to me. Personally I don't see what a little violence can hurt, I mean, so what if he breaks another meat bag's nose?

So I can't let it take control, I've got to keep it toned down. I have learned to quell it somewhat but who knows how long I'll be able to keep it down whenever I begin to get angry or stressed...

THAT WORTHLESS SACK OF SHIT IS TRYING TO KEEP ME QUIET? I'll show him soon enough who he is fucking with... He'll see soon enough...

So over the summer I managed to keep it out of mind because I was working all the time and never really gave it a chance to manifest, but I really think that I might have changed it entirely. It's no longer as loud as it was in the spring or summer so I think that I might have gotten it to go back to what it was. Preseason camp is starting up so only time will tell about it.

Ah yes this brings back old memories for me. This is around the same time that I decided to manifest myself in the teddy bear, only this time I'm stronger than he's ever imagined and he'll see that he's not the only one that's been working out during the summer. The biggest difference in him and me is that I don't need to sleep. I get to grow stronger even while he's unconscious, which is a pretty nifty tool to have whenever you are trying to control someone. It lets me see what is really making this meat bag tick, and I'll be able to use all I've learned in the next couple weeks.

I started camp really fired up for some reason this year. The coaches have even taken notice of my ferocity on the field. (Not like they ever did before) Although I do seem a bit more aggressive, even to myself and my fraternity brothers. I seem to go off on little things a lot easier than I did last year. It must just be the heat getting to me.

So some of my tinkering over the summer is paying off, the angrier he gets the more I gain in influence over him. Soon enough I'll be able to take control although I'm not sure how soon I'll be able to maintain it with my current influence over him. BUT IT'LL SURE BE FUN WHILE I DO!

I don't know what came over me today. I was practicing as usual then somebody did a prank on me. No real harm done, but my reaction is what worried me. I usually just laugh off stuff like that, but today I blew up and I fought him.. It's like I lost control for a moment. The trainers said that he suffered a concussion and a fractured jaw. What have I done?

HAHA YES! I DID IT! I managed to take control of the meat bag whenever he got pissed off, cause some other meat bag played a joke on him! I only had it for a few moments, but it was enough for me to get some satisfaction from all this hard work that I've put in on this fucker.

Three fights. I've been in three fights this week of practice. Every time, it's because of some minor thing that makes me mad. All of the sudden I just lose control and attack. It's like I've lost control, but I don't know how. The voice has only been whispering to me, never acting like it could take control of me. The coaches have made me sign up for some counseling sessions to try to figure out what is going on and stop it. I think that it will be good for me to try to get to the bottom of this...

It's been such a thrill to see others recognizing my work and fearing it. I might just be able to make something out of teddy bear yet. Time will tell my friends. Time. Will. Tell.

So I went to the counselor a few times and she's given me some tips on how to repress my anger and it seems to be helping a little but not much. Just talking to her seems to be helping more than anything else. I haven't been able to practice because of the coaches worried that I might blow up and hurt someone else so I've just been having to sit around while the other practice. Just what I need, to be put behind again for some bullshit reason. Fuck these guys.

UGH, how many more of these worthless sessions is he going to have to take? I want to get some violence and discord up in this bitch, and these “therapy sessions” are keeping me from doing just that! On the other hand the kid is getting more pissed off which is helping me quite a lot actually so I guess it's not all bad for me. I think I might reach out to the kid and offer up some helpful insight. Of course by helpful I mean to me. God I love my job.

The voice is louder now. I've been having mental conversations with it and it's not wrong with what it is saying. The coaches are only holding me back because they are afraid their star players will lose a spot to me. I'm done with the sessions and get back on the field today so we'll see how it goes. I actually think that I'm angrier now than I was before, just that it's more broad and constant unlike what it was when I was focused on just football.

So I managed to get the kid to work with me in sorts. I'm managing to talk to him now, which is allowing me to have a more direct impact on what he is doing and thus I can take control of him more easily. I'm giddy like a murderous clown at a prom!

I can see it in their eyes. They fear me and what I'm capable of. It's no longer a balance between peers but a hierarchy that I'm sitting on the throne of. No one is going to stop me, the coaches, the players, the trainers, no one. They all are incapable of keeping me from becoming what I want. I've become something more since I let the voice take me. We're stronger now that we ever were when we were apart. I am unstoppable since we have assimilated into one. I am fearless, peerless, and boundless, and I will not stop letting it in. We are stronger that way...

Finally the kid has reached his fullest potential. I have made him something greater than himself, and now that he has become consumed by hatred and anger. He thinks that by giving me control willingly that we have somehow become one. Ha, that’s what he thinks. Now that he is willingly given me control I will wipe him from existence. I'm the new owner of this body and no one is going to stop me from having it...