I was the average loner girl throughout all of my schools. No one made an effort to hang out with me, unless it was me doing all the talking and inviting. I would only be given some attention when I did something stupid/cool, eventually those fifteen minutes of fame actually do last fifteen minutes. I remember the first time I was called fat. It was in the second grade.
Middle school was worse than elementary school. High school wasn't so bad but then again no one even noticed me in the first place. Can't say anything mean when they didn't see me. I was in an majority white school. I was the opposite of everyone else. They were tall and beautiful, blonde and blue eyed. Those girls were everything I wanted to be. They got every boy attention. I wanted to be one of those girls that when they walked past a guy they whispered "damn she's hot". But I wasn't. I was plain Jane. Short, brown hair, brown eyes, fair skin. Hella fat. My most was 220 pounds, later on I was 180 pounds.
Anyway, I was headed out to my local college when I thought I should stop but at a 7/11 and buy gum. (I didn't have time to brush my teeth) and I bought a lotto ticket. I remember thinking I wish I could win twenty bucks. The next couple of days I googled the winning numbers and to my surprise I got all six of them! After I hyperventilated so much I nearly passed out, I decided I wouldn't tell anyone, even family, about it. I collected my money and drove back home. I decided it would be best to lay low for a while because I didn't want any media attention. Plus I don't live in the best neighborhood and I have seen enough of those movies where someone wins the lotto and tells everyone then they're killed or whatever. I lived at my place for a year before I moved somewhere else, told people I got lucky in stocks(idiots). My close family knows though.
Even with all that money I felt inadequate. My financial status didn't match my looks. So I decided to get liposuction everywhere. Abdomen, arms, legs, thighs, back, you name it. After all that I had a breast augmentation, lift, and areola reduction. When that healed up I had full body laser hair removal and stretch mark removal and various skin fractal laser procedures. I was in pain for about a full year. My worse fear was never waking up from the table. If that happened my cause of death would have been because of the opinion of stupid people. Everything was done and healed up, I thought a wardrobe change would be great, considering everything was too big on me. I was never a materialistic person but I had money to blow. New animal skin designer bags, designer shoes, everything.
I did start getting a bit of attention from men. I wasn't all that ugly after all. Just fat. But still I felt hideous knowing that there's a lot of women who were more beautiful than I. I contacted dozens of surgeons for facial surgery but none of them offered what I wanted. They said it was impossible to completely change my entire facial structure. Except for one of them. He said his collègue will be in touch with me. It was at night when I received a call from a Doctor who said he can give me what I want and I can come in for a consultation next week. I agreed. I hired three body guards because I felt like what I was signing up for is a bit sketchy, and yeah you'll see that I was right.
The consultation was brief. He asked me what I desired to look like and I told him. Blue eyes, bigger eyes, smaller nose, bigger lips, full cheeks, wider set eyes, smaller jaw, etc a lot more things I doubt anyone would understand unless you've taken anatomy. He showed me photos of women of whom I described and he told me to pick who I thought was most beautiful. And I did. He said he could do it for 2.5 million. Fuck yeah I said. I just had to sign nondisclosure agreements. That was scary. I get you're thinking "it's better to be ugly than dead" but my entire life i was treated like a piece of shit because of looks.
My surgery was set for next month because he told me I had to stop smoking before the surgery. It was really hard to quit. But I did it. Because I was scared shitless that I might not wake up from the table, I was contacting lawyers setting up wills for family and a bunch of rare diseases charities. And spending a lot of time with family. It broke my moms heart when I told she will definitely not recognize me after. She did everything in her power to get me not to go. I went it and I was prepped for surgery.
There wasn't a lot of communication between the workers but before I was anesthesized I heard "go prepare carolyn". Didn't think much of it, thought it might be some other girl getting surgery there. It took 15 hours. When I woke up the pain was so intense I regretted it. My entire face was wrapped up in white cloth. He said I will be able to take it off in two weeks. For those two weeks I stayed at the hospital. My body guards kept me company (they had to sign nond forms too, still don't know why) read a couple books, played games. The day came when the nurses removed my bandages. I started crying.
It was the most beautiful thing ever. I was beautiful. Blue big eyes, small nose, smaller face, fuller lips. A literal new face. I left a week later. Life was great. I had so much attention from men and everyone in general. People were so much nicer to me and I would literally go home and cry for hours because people were being nice to because I'm "pretty", not because I'm a human being and that makes me depressed on so many levels. I had my first date and my first kiss, yes I know. In my 20s I had my first kiss.
After being so happy and being treated so well by everyone, I alienated myself from the world. I thought, I had to go through all of that shit to be treated like a person!? My day consisted of eating rocky road ice cream and watching tv. I did gain five pounds but nothing some time at the gym won't fix. I thought it was best to really register everything I had gone through then go back to life.
Til then, Netflix and tv were my best friends. I was watching the news when it was talking about a girls body that was found. I was walking around the room attempting to clean the mini buckets of ice cream and I wasn't really paying attention until I heard the words " body found with frontal part of skull missing" and I thought that's weird and interesting. I turned up the volume and they showed a picture of her. With her name at the bottom. Carolyn Reid. And it was my face.
Credited to Blue frog1