I know, who would be stupid enough to take sketchy dick enhancement pills? Who would believe something that would promise to “DOUBLE THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS” on a cheesy looking pop-up ad that comes up when you’re just about to spray your load on your already sticky phone screen. Well, I was that dumb. It might have been the fact that it was just 12 dollars for ninety pills or maybe it was the momentary shame I felt after I accidentally climaxed with a gigantic dick in the middle of my phone screen. Oh well, I used my card to order the ninety pills and walked out of the employee bathroom. Don’t judge me, we all get our urges, only some of us are brave enough to relieve ourselves no matter where we are.
I feel like I talked about myself enough, but I guess I should tell you guys the essentials. I’m a thirty-two-year-old virgin, and even though I am on the ugly side, I blame it on the fact that I have a three-inch penis. Yes, yes, yes, I have heard it isn’t about how big it is, it’s all about how I work with it, but shit, this little midget of a penis could hardly do much work under any circumstance. I work at a small office, but I don’t really have any sort of job title. To put it simply, I’m everyone’s bitch at work. You need coffee? We ran out of toilet paper at the company? You need someone to chew your food for you and feed you like a bird? That would be covered by me.
Of course, I have had a couple of dates here and there, but almost every single one of them ended terribly. One person actually ended up going out with me for a couple of months, but I found out she was cheating on me when the cops showed up at my house and said the owner of the house was found dead in a car with another man. They ran into a house, and when the cops got there, they saw that the man’s member was bitten off and still halfway down her mouth. Tragic. Anyways, I’m getting off track. It doesn’t really matter anyway. I’m probably going to die soon.
The pills got to my house two days ago. It was sent to me in a small pink box, and feeling like a loser more than anything, I opened the box and let the bottle of pills drop on my lap. It was a small white bottle with a small sticker placed in the middle. ”Max Best Growth” was written on the sticker and a crudely drawn small hand with the thumb sticking up was on the bottom of the bottle. After questioning everything about my life, I let out a sigh, opened it, and stared at the small yellow pills. Besides the fact that every single pill was a different shape, it smelled like two-day-old piss. Without giving it much thought, I took three pills out of the bottle and swallowed them down with a mouthful of coke.
Let me tell you what, that shit worked within thirty minutes after I took the pills. I started to feel a sort of tickle down in my unused love maker and it kind of felt like I was getting hard. On impulse, I stuck my hand down in my pants and realized it was noticeably bigger. In front of my open windows, I dropped my pants and looked down. Fuck yes, it was definitely bigger. I was so fucking happy, and feeling greedy, I grabbed two more pills.
That night, I fell asleep around 5 in the morning. Normally, I would sleep earlier, but I was ready to meet a couple of ladies I had my eye on. Well, one lady in particular. Rona, who worked at the local McDonalds. The next morning, I woke up and saw that it was now almost six inches. I thought about taking a couple more pills but decided against it.
Within twenty minutes, I took a shower, got dressed, and ran out the door. As soon as I walked inside of McDonald's I had to pause for a second. God, she looked so perfect to me, and she always gave me the most beautiful smile every time I placed my order with her. I started to grow nervous, but I shook my head a couple of times and walked inside with new-found confidence. When she asked me what I wanted to order, I told her a number 3 combo and a chance to take her out to dinner. Normally, I would never say cheesy shit like that, but hell, there wasn’t much I could lose. Surprisingly, she let out a small laugh and said she was free the next day after 8 pm. I told her I would pick her up after she got off of work right at 8. She gave me a little wave while I walked out the door, and I felt happier than I have felt in a long time.
That’s when things took a turn for the worse. I went back home and watched a couple of movies.Once I got bored, I took two more pills and decided to take a short nap. I woke up and saw that I had the biggest erection. I mean, fucking porn star sized erection, but the thing was, I didn’t feel aroused at all. I tried to settle down and ease out of the erection, but it just wouldn’t fucking go down. I took a couple of deep breaths and grabbed the box the pills came in. I looked all over the box, but the only thing that was written on it was my name and my address. I threw it down on the ground in disgust and tried to wait for my erection out.
After five hours, I really started to get worried. A small dull pain started to erupt all over my overgrown baby maker and the pain only got worse as the minutes started to pass. I knew I needed to go to a doctor, but honestly, I felt so embarrassed about the fact that I would have to tell them I have an erection that has lasted for far too long because I took dick growth pills. I decided to wait it out.
That was the biggest fucking mistake I have ever made.
This morning I woke up. I still had this goddamn erection, but the pain was damn near unbearable. I barely got out of bed, and managed to duck walk over to the living room and sat on my couch. I grabbed my phone off of the table and called 911.
As soon as I got to the hospital, the doctor gave me a shot on my dick. Hurt like hell and didn’t help lower it down at all. He told me to wait a little longer, and if it doesn’t go down within the next couple of minutes, he would have to give me a closer examination. He walked out and that’s when they started to come out.
At first, it felt like something was tickling the inside of my penis, but soon became the worse pain I have ever felt in my life. Like parts of my dick was ripping open. I didn’t want to look down, but I had to. The second I looked down and saw what looked like fucking worms eating their way out of several spots in my now ruined future generations, I lost my mind. With my index finger and thumb I tried digging the worms out, but no matter how hard I tugged at the bodies of the worms, they only dug in deeper. I know this is going to sound fucking gross, but I was desperate. I grabbed a small pair of scissors off of the doctor’s desk and tried cutting around the worms. Blood was all over my hands along with bits of my dick, but I couldn’t get a single worm out.
I woke back up and immediately felt them all over my body. Deep inside. Sharp pains come from all over, but the pain comes predominantly from, well, you already know. The doctor gave me an XRay and said there are around 200-300 of them in my body currently. No one has any idea what they are or where they came from. I guess it’s about time I fess up about taking those fucking pills. A little humiliation to save my life I guess. I let Rona know I wouldn’t be able to make it to the date. She asked me why and I told her I was feeling a little sick. Maybe, just maybe, I can take her out on a date later. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have cared how small my dick was.