Nowadays, I long to burn...

Strange. I know.

It's just - I mean, have you ever felt so lonely? So lonely that you just wish you could shut down and die? Well, trust me. I've tried. Apparently you're only allowed to do that once.

But it's just so cold! I hate the cold... yet how I miss the snow right now... or the sun on my toes! Sadly, you can't feel that down here. But I suppose you could probably guess that.

And the tight, closed in space. No room to move. Ha, I always thought my boyfriend was a space hogger, that he would be the biggest pain in my life! Always stealing the covers and spreading out so I had no room to stretch myself. Oh, I'd pay anything for that sort of warm, safe little space now... just that little slither of mattress once more. Anything would be better than here, that's for sure.

But, I mean, get over it, right? Can't do anything about it now. Too late. I was a big girl, unusually so I'm afraid, always ate too much, never did a thing about it - I had this coming. Can't cry over it. Can't moan or whine. It's pretty normal. Happens to everyone eventually. I'm not sad, or angry. This part was my choice. Though a choice I regret. The only thing I regret...

It's so dark and cold, like I'm wrapped in black ice, no way of ever feeling the warmth. I can't move. I can barely even turn over in such a cramped little space. And I'm so lonely. I was never expecting this... I never thought I'd have to be this lonely. How I long to see a friendly face once again. Someone, anyone, to talk to, to hold me, to be my friend. Just for a bit... But I know that'll never happen now. I just wish this torment would end.

It's times like this I regret what I wrote on that pathetic bit of paper.

It's times like this I really wish I had chosen to be cremated instead.