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My daughter is special.

No, I don’t think she’s an indigo child, or any of that nonsense. She’s far more special than that. She’s definitely a smart cookie - she’s going to Harvard, a fact that fills me with pride. She has beautiful blonde curls. She’s always there to help others, making the world a better place with her wide, luminous smile. Always ready to strike a bent knee pose when there’s a camera around. She wasn’t always a good American girl, though. It took a lot of effort to raise her right.

A little bit about me.

I’m from an alternate reality. You’re not buying? Good. I’m not selling. I’m merely stating a fact. What you call - the new world order conspiracy - is a fact of life where I come from. A virus was released by the elite to get rid of useless eaters so that robots could reign over a culled herd. Everyone is microchipped. There is no free will, no freedom of thought. If your microchip is deactivated, you just drop dead where you stand. No courts. No due process. There is only electronic cash. Everyone is equal, because everyone is a mindless automaton.

My organization managed to capture the leader of the elite – a seven feet tall bipedal Draco. The reptile even spoke good English with an accent I can’t even begin to describe.

The Draco had to pay for all that he had done. He was placed in a steel playpen. He was forced to castrate himself. The wound was cauterized. He was shocked fifty times with a cattle prod before realizing the hopelessness of his situation. In a moment of glee, we all snickered as he was reaching for a red-white-blue cheer skirt, saddle shoes and a headband with one upright American flag on each end. All Draco-sized.

Wiggle your butt when you walk. Show me your teeth! Smile! Make girlie sounds. Make that accent American.

He hissed at me that he’s going to feast on my guts for taking away his dignity.

I asked him if he knew what deflowering meant. He didn’t. Well. It was English-lesson-time. I turned on a screen placed above the playpen.

TO TAKE THE VIRGINITY OF (SOMEBODY), ESPECIALLY A GIRL

He got the message.

It took me a year to break him. As we were nearing the end of the brainwashing process, he was ready to be metamorphosized into a human woman.

Also known as my daughter.

Oh, how I wanted to slit his throat. But when I saw that girl standing in front of me.. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. The victory was a Pyrrhic one, though. Psychopaths had destroyed my world. I’ve used Draco technology to find a different reality. I’m here now. Your language differs a bit to what I’m used to, but these differences aren’t drastic. I own a house. I have a job. I pay my taxes. I’m just another American.

With a special daughter.

Credited to jessicalarson