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How to Speak to the Dead

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Do you have a dead relative?

Have you ever wanted to say goodbye, but it was too late?

This is a way you can talk to one of your dead relatives, maybe a grandparent? A mother? A father? A son? A daughter?

Well, this is the way you can do that, but beware, you are going to be tampering with evil forces whom you cannot control.

Go to the cemetery in which the relative is buried. At exactly 4:00 AM, any other time will not work. you must go to the gravestone the relative is buried in. Be quiet, this is VERY vital to your safety. Approach the grave. Do not use any tools that emit light, however dark it may be. You must approach the gravestone and slowly... oh, so slowly... Get down on your knees, close your eyes, and sing this-

"Obsecro autem vos de sepulchro tuo."

"Ex aeterna tua somnus."

"Aperi oculos tuos et animo purgabit."

Keep your eyes closed, and in two to four minutes, you will feel something touch your arm. Do not get scared, and do not open your eyes. If you see him, he will not like it. After the being lets go of your arm, you may open your eyes. You will see the relative sitting on their knees. They will look the way you best remember them as. Unfortunately, their eyes will not be renewed; leaving them rather filmed or gone completely. You cannot talk to the entity like they once were.

To initiate conversation, you must ask; "How have you been?"

The only thing they will ever say is "I am doing fine, you?"

The only thing you can say is "I am also doing fine, thank you."

Anything else will displease them. If you say anything else, you have a fifty-fifty shot of them disappearing or your throat being slit. After this, she or he will ask, "May I hug you?"

Do not answer! if you say yes, they will grab you by your leg, and drag you down with them for eternity. If you say no, they will get displeased. You have a fifty-fifty chance of your throat being slit or them leaving.

To counter this you must say "I would like to speak to (the name of the dead one)". Say this in an asserting tone, but be cautious, you wouldn't want to get them mad, would you? At this time they will nod their head. You must close your eyes, again you will feel a touch, not the same touch, a familiar touch. You may now open your eyes and you will see the exact same figure you saw before, only this time, they will be the relative.

Do not film or attempt to bring them out of the graveyard. Any attempts at this will have a very displeasing outcome. Also, do not bring anyone with you; go alone. You may now talk to the relative as you remember them. This is the time when you are able to say goodbye or even ask them what death is like.

If you want to end the conversation, all you must do is say "Goodbye (their name,) hope to see you soon". At this time you must, close your eyes once again. When you open them, they will be gone for good.

Any other attempt to say goodbye will result in them not listening to you. They will follow you out of the cemetery, in which you will be slaughtered.

Don't be sad when they leave, or you will be hearing from them soon.

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