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Dressed in resplendent shimmering green am I. Tall and mighty, my feet planted in the snow—the envy of all my siblings. I am truly handsome. The cold icy wind whips up the ice into a thick miasma. Out of the mist of what seems like time everlasting, a small family. They seem to be a jolly lot, talking on about my majestic looks, singing merrily as they look at my siblings with utter disdain. I can't blame them, for I am handsome. Then I see a most horrifying sight. The father of this small pack makes a most morbid smile and as he lifts a small axe. He says I'm perfect and pays a man a small sum for me as if I were a slave.
He began to hack at my legs. I could not move, for I had passed out. When I awoke, I was tied to the roof of their car. I was sickened by this fate; I was too handsome to have this happen to me. What seemed like hours flew by at the speed of light. They took me to their home and began to ram a metal rod in the stumps of my feet. I was horrified but unable to scream. They began to put strings of light on me and sang:
"Oh Christmas tree."
Now I sit with gifts under me, cursing the fact that I am handsome. Slowly dying. A handsome tree am I.
Credited to Xolta