4 December 2014

I don't know if you've ever seen it before, but I certainly hadn't. Maybe I still haven't. I was just walking home from school, and, as I approached my house, I looked up at the windows like I always do. I like to see the reflections of the sky in those windows. This time I didn't see the sky. I didn't see the clouds I knew filled the sky on that gloomy day. I saw an illuminated face. I'm always the first one home, but this could've been a day that my mom got off from work early. Even if she had, that wasn't her face. The face had no nose. It had no body. It was there in the middle of the window, its white complexion was almost blinding. I couldn't look away. I couldn't move. I felt hypnotized. If it hadn't been for the honking of the horn reminding me that I was in the middle of the street, I probably would be out there still, just looking at that face. It had no eyes, but I could feel its gaze on me. When I looked back from the car I had to dodge, the face was gone. I've just been searching all over the internet for explanations. A hallucination seems most likely. I don't believe in ghosts, but the terror I felt as I was frozen in its gaze was nothing that could be explained by things in this world. It is highly unlikely that I experienced sleep paralysis in the middle of the street as I was walking home.

I can't shake the feeling that I'm being watched. On the Internet, I've found stories about creatures like this. It's called "Guilty Face". It seems ridiculous to me. This "Guilty Face" thing haunts bad people. How could it decide to target me? I haven't done anything. I haven't bullied anyone in years. I respect my family. I just don't understand. Why me?

Guilty Face - a hallucination summoned by the subconscious mind when horrible, traumatizing events have been caused by conscious activity

This is silly. I haven't done a damn thing. I know I didn't get much sleep last night, so that must be it. My imagination tends to go wild when I don't get at least four hours of sleep. It was just my imagination. It's only a coincidence that this thing exists in legends and myths. It's pretty cool now that I think about it.

I'm tired now, so, good night journal.

11 December 2014

Remember that face I thought I saw last week? Well, it's back. I know, I was surprised too. I thought that if I ever saw it again, I'd be able to control it - to just make it go away. Something about being caught off-guard, being vulnerable, just makes me forget how to do anything other than freeze. I was just getting ready for bed - brushing my teeth. As I lowered to the faucet to rinse my mouth out, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Chills ran down my back. I looked up at the mirror was there. It wasn't right in front of me, or blocking my reflection. In the mirror, it was positioned behind me, to the left, up on the wall. I might've missed it's white face since it blended so well with the white wall, but its pitch black eyes were attention-grabbing. Again I found myself unable to move or look away. The sink was running, but I couldn't hear anything. A long, jagged line split the face horizontally where a mouth on a normal face would be. It spoke. It fucking spoke to me.

"You did this." That was all it said, over and over. It said it slowly at first, with a soft tone. As the face moved closer to the mirror, the words became louder - more accusatory. I had to move. 

I focused all of my energy on moving, at least a finger. If this was some weird form of sleep paralysis, that should've been able to wake my entire body enough to get away or scream. It didn't work. The face in the reflection moved to cover my own, but nothing passed in front of my eyes. It was in the mirror. When it covered my face in the reflection, its words changed.

"I did this." Did what?! What did I do?! Tell me what I did!!! I screamed at it inside my mind. After I begged for an answer, I began to wish I hadn't. Images full of gore flashed in my mind. At first, all I noticed was the gore. There were bodies, covered in blood, tied to something around the torso, limbless. It was disgusting. Then I realized that all of these images felt familiar. The face vanished, and I immediately threw up in the sink. I don't know if I'll get any sleep tonight. I should probably tell my mom. I'll ask her if I can see a therapist or something. First I'll do some more searching for info on this "Guilty Face" so it doesn't kill me next time.

12 December 2014

I somehow managed to fall asleep during my searches last night. I'm not glad that I fell asleep. My dreams were full of scenes based on those images that popped up when the face covered mine. I woke up covered in vomit. I hate this. My mom is taking me to see a doctor tomorrow. I can't stop shaking, and I flinch whenever I see a reflective surface. This is ridiculous - I'm no weakling. I have to confront this thing and fight it with everything possible.

Before I forget, I'd like to record last night's findings. The stories all say that I have to own up to what I did and apologize as well as forgive. It seems simple enough, but the trick is accepting that I did it. I still have no idea what it is I've done. I'm thinking this "Guilty Face" believes I brutally murdered those people from the images it showed me. This is all true only if Guilty Face is really a thing and I'm not just suffering from some sleep-deprivation-related illness. Either way, I want this to end.

13 December 2014

I fell asleep last night. I'll have to start drinking coffee at night or something because I never want that to happen again. Last night's dream was more consistent. Instead of a bunch of random horror scenes, it was more like a long movie from the point of view of one person. I saw like that person would see. It began in a bedroom in the middle of the night. It was too dark to see any details. I got up and turned to the window. I caught a glimpse of Guilty Face in the reflection of the window, but its expression quickly turned to one of horror and it vanished. I thought I was more scared of it than it was of me, but I guess not. I climbed out of the window, and carefully lowered myself into a fenced in area. I didn't recognize it at first, but now, thinking about it, it looked like the side-yard at my house. I walked out, and across the street. I waited in some bushes around the park for a few minutes. I watched a car drive by, then snuck out of my hiding spot and walked towards the community's entrance.

I hid in some more bushes as I watched traffic go by. A silver car caught my attention. It looked worn and broken. It didn't go very fast, so I followed it. I ran to the corner, and watched it turn onto another street. I followed it for an hour. It stopped at an apartment building. A woman got out of the car, and entered the building. I followed her. I guess she felt paranoid, like she was being followed, because she kept looking over her shoulder. I followed her to her apartment, and silently entered behind her. I don't even now how that's possible, but it happened. Anything can happen in a dream. When she closed the door, I was standing behind her. My hand shot up to cover her mouth, and my other hand moved around her to hold her close so she couldn't get away. She struggled. I walked her backwards into her kitchen. I could feel her tears on my hand. I hadn't realized she was wearing heels until she stomped on my foot with one. I heard a laugh. It was quiet, but audible. It was followed by a whispering voice.

"Shhh, be silent, lady. You don't have to be here anymore. I'll set you free." The voice sounded like my own, which makes sense because it was a dream. Her sobs got louder. I felt confused. Everyone wants to be free.

"Don't you understand? You don't have to be here anymore. I'll set you free." A quick scan of the room showed that this lady was lonely. There weren't any pictures of family members or friends anywhere from the door to the kitchen. Her television faced the kitchen, probably for convenience as she prepared her meals alone. I saw Guilty Face in the TV.

"You don't have to do this," it begged, but it was barely audible, then it vanished. This was dragging on too long. If I waited any longer, then I would have doubts about what I was doing. My mission was to let the souls, trapped in the people, go free.  I snapped her neck. Her death was quick, but I don't know if it was painless. I winced when I took her life. Her body remained tense. The soul must have needed a way out. Since she could no longer sit up on her own, I tied her to a chair. I quickly, messily removed her limbs with a knife from the kitchen. I do this after death so the person doesn't feel the pain. I had to go quickly for myself. I couldn't spend all night there; I was tired. I hated how sad her face looked. I freed her, but she seemed unsatisfied.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to her, as I placed a kiss on her forehead and left. I left the door open behind me so the soul could get out and the body could be respectfully put to rest. When I got home, I was careful not to get the blood on anything. I felt my hand touch the bed, and sighed to myself at the mess I knew would be left in the shape of a hand. I showered, then walked back to bed. As I left the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It wasn't some made-up character whose life I was observing, it was me. That makes sense though; I know what I look like, so I would show up in my dreams. The rest of the dream was just darkness. I woke up feeling cold. I must've left the window open last night as I was star-gazing to calm myself to sleep. Funny how my mind chose to show me that I had left the window open all night.

I saw a therapist today. I told him about the dream, and he suggested hypnotism. He said that it seemed like my subconscious was trying to tell me something. With my mom's permission, we began. I had to close my eyes, and listen to his voice as he told me to relax for a full minute. I fell asleep, which is supposed to happen in hypnotism according to him. When I woke up, he was just staring at me. He asked me if I was alright. He looked kind of spooked. When I told him I felt fine, he relaxed a little bit.

"I've never seen anyone's face turn so white before. I don't know why that might've happened, but if you're alright, it's alright." I asked him if he found anything out, and he said that I just changed colors, but didn't speak. I guess my Guilty Face showed. Hah. As I got up to leave, I saw that there were several papers on the table covered in sketches of people without limbs. None of them had noses, and their eyes were as black as the pencil allowed. I sat back down.

"Are you sure I didn't do anything?" I started to feel sick. I don't like seeing things like that. I'm weak with gore. I reached for the trash, but threw up on the floor.

"I need to speak with your mother." I brought her in, and he told her that I needed to stay in a facility overnight. This pushed me over the edge. The thought of being taken from my mother sickened me. I felt desperate and cold. I threw up stomach acid and passed out. The last thing I heard was my mother holding back her tears as she was told that I needed some serious medical attention. I woke up strapped to a chair. The therapist and my mom were talking. He told her I was a danger to people and myself when I was asleep, but as long as I remained conscious, she could take me home to get some things for a week-long stay at a mental hospital. I cooperated, but as she drove me home, I begged her not to let them take me. She said she'd see what she could do, but I still had to get my things ready just in case.

Right now I'm taking a break from packing so I can just get my thoughts out. I'm honestly super freaked out. The blanket on my bed is dark red and gold, but in the corner, by the window, I can see a mark. It looks like dried blood, but I can't be sure. It's a handprint. I can't stop thinking about that dream from last night. Did I do that? I really hope not. It's best for everyone if I let them examine me for a week. I don't want to end up hurting my mom or anyone else.

Looks like this is my last entry for a week. Good-bye journal.

20 December 2014

I saw Guilty Face again two days ago. I saw it in the hospital. It wasn't just a face this time. As I was walking back into my room at bedtime, I saw the limbless body of that woman from my dream last Saturday. Guilty Face covered her face, and it cried. It sobbed. Black tears poured down its face, and I cried with it.

"You did this," it said between sobs. Suddenly, it froze. "You did do this, and she knows it." The face faded away, revealing her lifeless face. Her eyes stared blankly at the floor. I stopped crying. I was paralyzed with fear. Her eyes were moving, slowly, to look at me.

"You...," she recognized me, "!!! You did this to me!!! You did this to me!!!" She flung her body forward, off the chair she was on. Her body smacked into the floor loudly. She looked up at me from the floor, still screaming about what I had done to her. She had no limbs, so she wriggled and lurched forward at me. I stumbled backwards.

"You!!!" several other voices cried. I looked left and right. Up and down the hallway were limbless bodies, violently jerking themselves into motion, all heading for me. I put my hands up to my ears and began screaming. I didn't know what else to do.

"I'm sorry!!! I'm so sorry!!!" I screamed. I closed my eyes tight and plugged my ears. I had to escape this somehow, in any way I could. A few seconds later, I felt something touch my foot. I peeked down at whatever it was. I saw the limbless body, right in front of me, on its back. Its face was different. It had my face.

"Are you sorry? Are you really sorry?" It asked. Of course I was. I was sorry that I had taken their lives. I looked around at all of the bodies. Every single one had my face. They all began to cry tears of blood. I passed out into the bodies and puddles of blood. I didn't have any dreams that night. I'm glad to be home.

25 December 2014

Merry Christmas!!! There are bars on my window, the door is locked at night, and all I have in my room is a bed!! I can't hurt anyone!! I haven't had any nightmares in over a week and I hadn't seen Guilty Face until today. I'm not particularly traumatized by this encounter. I was in the kitchen as my mother and sister were elsewhere napping. I looked at the microwave, and saw Guilty Face. It said something different this time.

"I'm sorry." It whispered. Repetition must be a thing with this Guilty Face, because it said that five more times. It morphed into my own face. My face continued the apology. I suddenly felt anger. I couldn't stand to see myself, knowing that I had taken those lives. I know I took those lives. The police do not know that. My family does not know that. I know it. I requested the bars on my windows because I know it. I moved everything out of my room because I know it. I know the hate I deserve. I took lives. I felt ashamed of how I kept this to myself. I belong in prison or suspended inches above the ground by a noose, not in my house on Christmas.

"I hate you." This didn't come from the reflection; it came from me. The reflection looked scared, and desperate. I didn't feel sorry for how pathetic it looked. I've realized something. Although the legend says that I have to forgive myself for my crimes, I'll never be able to. I know what I have to do, but I have to work up the nerve to do it.

31 December 2014

This is it. This is the night. I've e-mailed the police with details on how I killed each person. That took forever. My hands hurt. I spent the week testing the strength of the fan in my room. Surprisingly, it can support a lot of weight. I was not expecting it to hold so much. Think I'll live long enough to see 2015? Hah, probably not. I made a noose of shoelaces, also surprisingly durable. I'm almost ready. I just have to leave this message. I want to help people out there who encounter Guilty Face. I've decided to publish my journal entries so it appears to anyone searching for an explanation to the white face with dark eyes that appears to them.

If you ever encounter Guilty Face, trust that it was not mistaken in choosing to appear to you. You have done something, and you have to own up to it. If you don't know what you did, Guilty Face will help you figure it out. If you refuse to acknowledge what you did, or apologize for your actions, Guilty Face will make sure you suffer like you deserve to. If you do apologize for what you did, Guilty Face will try to get you to accept your apology. If you do not accept your apology, then it's because you are a disgusting human being unworthy of the life you were granted. Guilty Face is not the danger - not the problem. You are. Guilty Face will show you what a monster you've been. It'll appear to you in reflections to show you what's hiding behind your own mask - your face. It only appears to you on Thursday because, as you look forward to Friday and the weekend, it wants to remain in the back of your thoughts as something unforgettable. It still watches you every other day of the week; you can't hide anything from it - from yourself. Good luck to you, poor soul, and good bye.

I'm sorry I was so horrible, mom. I couldn't control it. Things happened while I was asleep, and I had no control over them. I'm so sorry that I can't stay here anymore. Just know that my death is more than deserved. I hope you live a great life, and that you only remember me for how I was before the nightmarish actions took control of me. I love you.