Deep darkness

Have you ever wondered what happens after we pass? What happens to our consciousness after all is done, and our last breath is taken? There are many theories, and people still keep guessing. I've heard theories that once we pass, we come back as a different person in our past lives, and it's almost like the world resets, and even though you don't know, all your loved ones, all your friends and family, and everyone else you have or have not met, is either dead or not alive, and you're the only person alive. So your oblivious to the fact you're enjoying your time to just... illusions of yourself in different life spans. You're the only person alive in the whole world, and you don't know any better.

There's also the theory of darkness just swallowing you up. You spend eternity just floating in darkness, aware of the darkness, but not anything else. There might be sweet relief, there may be all your loved ones inches away, but you're unaware. You're so close, but will never feel happiness again, just the void of darkness that encompasses you everywhere.

There is also a theory where you can walk the world, but never interact with people. It could either be completely empty and gray, just like this supposed “Purgatory.” It's either that, or you see all the happiness, but can't take part. You can hide behind a fake smile, but you still feel that horrible heartache forever. You see all your friends and family with all their emotions, but your still swamped by the darkness of death.

There is also a theory when you die you dream up a new life, but what if this is the dreamt life. What if you're really dead, and just dreaming or remembering a life? You can be floating in the darkness with no idea that all you know is a facade.

On the other hand, what if death is a dream? What if when you're in the grave, you're stuck into a dream? And what if you're stuck in a nightmare?

As I think these thoughts my vision blurs, I gaze up slowly at the empty bottle of pills held loosely in my hand. Maybe now instead of all these questions, I can get some answers.