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The night was cold. My feet managed to shuffle just enough to the point I was able to keep up with my friends. My bladder was about to explode. I was on a usual night trip to our local Department Store, you know, to hang out.
"Ten minutes till closing," the intercom rang, with a scratchy, yet, young sounding voice. This was my chance.
"Hey guys, I'll catch up with you in a bit, I need to use it," I said, hoping for a response as to where to meet them. "I mean, I'll be quick."
"Alright," the eldest of my friends, Chance said. "Just don't wet your diaper!"
The group broke into a laughter, and I chuckled, and rushed to the bathroom. The bathroom was nestled in a small open room, just past the men's clothing section.
I brushed past overcoats, ties, and shirts, all for one fucking trip to the bathroom. In the middle, a tall man was taking inventory, or something. He looked at me and we met eyes. Well, to be honest, my eyes met his eye. He had an eye patch on, kind of like one of the pirate ones, minus the aged look, of course.
He sneered at me and turned back to his job. All of the people here are douche-bags. I studied his figure for a moment, then I remembered I needed to piss.
"Six minutes to close," the woman over the intercom sprang. I ran into the bathroom and realized I not only needed to urinate, but also take a dump. So I chose a stall. Six minutes to closing was probably the best time for me. All the stalls are usually occupied, but no one was in the bathroom.
I chose a toilet, the cleanest one, or should I say, the verdict of the three. Toilet paper acted as streamers across the top opening in the stall. I continued my duties, and felt relieved, as the tight knot in my waist seemed to loosen. I sat there for a good minute or two, when the intercom boomed again,
"One minute till closing," I jumped up, nearly defecating a second time. I didn't bother to use toilet paper... or flush in that matter. No one ever does, it's the same with every single fucking American store.
I'm not disowning it or anything but I like some cleanliness. It wouldn't kill those idiots to take two minutes out of their time to change the urinal cakes.
"Department City is now closed, please make your way to the exit," the intercom said for a final time. I ran out the door, and was greeted by the same man who had been checking stock earlier.
"Did you wash your fucking hands," he asked, mono-toned, but with a hint of malice. I stood there, a bit startled and shook up. "I asked you, did you, or did you not, wash your fucking hands?"
I collected myself then shook my head no, and he shoved me away and burst through the revolving doors to the bathroom. "You didn't even bother to flush? God dammit!" His loafers made heavy footsteps towards the door. I took his slow pace to my advantage and moved towards the doors.
I laughed, half-expecting to see my friends laughing, waiting for me, but to no avail. The front of the store was abandoned, and they had already locked up. There were still personnel in the store, so I took it upon me to go ask one of them out. I could try the tall old man, but he would just scream at me. I don't have a good reputation around him, he hates me. He hates everybody actually. I guess he's just a dick.
I strolled around the store looking for one, when I came upon an alarmingly beautiful store clerk, who couldn't of been older then twenty-five. She looked at me, raised a brow and asked,
"W-what are you doing here," she asked. "The store closed five minutes ago... Oh god," she said, she paced around, raised a palm to me and alerted me to stay put, as she walked into a different isle. Of course I wouldn't stay still, I needed to get out. I turned around and nearly broke my nose on a pole, that I swear to god wasn't there a second ago. In red graffiti, read the words, "Fear."
"Fear?" I thought. "What the- whatever." I walked to the refrigerated food isle. A strapping young man, shook his head while stocking the meats. He was red in the face and his eyes were shiny, like he was crying. I walked slowly to him, and he took note of my presence. He saw me, then turned the other cheek and burst into tears.
I approached him, not to alarm him anymore. I asked him if has OK. He sniffled and blew his nose on a rag. He shook his head yes. I asked him if he wanted me to get him some tissues. He sniffed and looked at me, mumbling,
"Sure... that would be great..." He started to tear up again. To avoid any conflict of some sort, I turned around, and rammed into another pole. "Anguish", read this one. I hit the pole and went around it. Just around the corner was the tissue isle, and I picked up some Kleenexes. I studied my surroundings, and the store seemed abandoned. This unnerved me and I continued to escort the tissues to the crying man.
As I turned the corner, what the hell do you think I see? Nothing. The man was gone and the pole was gone. Son-of-a-bitch. I threw the box to the floor and continued my search. I thought I'd check the toy isle.
I made the right choice. A man who was obviously delighted to be where he was greeted me. He asked what I could do for him.
"Well... " I asked. "I need to get out." He smiled at me and finished restocking the toy cars and dart guns. He reached into his pocket and dug through it, a frown appeared on his face. He smiled again and turned to me.
"Let me go get my keys," he said, skipping along, "Be back in a bit, TTYL!" I wanted to say something, not to be rude, so I said the stupidest thing ever.
"Tally ho!" I'm a fucking loser. I waited for minutes, that turned into hours. Two fucking hours. My friends were probably having heart attacks. I only waited so long because I was determined this was my final chance. I gave up. I got to my feet and thought before turning around.
"Oh no," I thought, half-sarcastically. "If I turn around, there's just going to be another god damn pole. If I turn slowly, I can't hit it." I turned around carefully, and to my amazement, there was no pole. I backed up slowly, and of course, backed into a fucking pole. I turned and already mouthed the words before turning around. "Joy," I knew it. It was passed time to get the fuck out of this place.
I made my way through the isles towards the front. I tried pushing on the automatic doorways, with no luck. I grunted and pushed for a good fifteen minutes. I heard the clinking of tin. That was enough to make me jerk back and smash my temple into another pole. "Insanity," it read. I leaned against it, trying to think of what was happening. The can of spray paint was still moving on the floor, as if someone was in a hurry to get it done and made off in a dash. I tried to think, and speculate this... this... moral, or representation, of some sort.
I realized. The woman who seemed in distress was Fear, the sad man was Anguish, and the happy guy must have been Joy. The tall man must have been "Anger"... or "Dickhead". I sat against the pole, realizing that there had been someone to represent all of those feelings, except insanity. I feared the worst. I sat there for hours. The lights in the back of the store shut off with a large click. I jerked back.
"No, no, no, no..." I thought, as the lights slowly shut off, one by one, closer to me. I sat there in thought. I was insanity. I cried, and laughed. It felt right. I sat there and laughed as I cried.
I laughed and cried as the people gathered around me. I laughed and cried as the final light shone on me. I laughed as they carried me away.
Written by MacaroniArtZombeh