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If your page has been deleted, leave a message on this page with your reason as to why it should be undeleted. Please remember to include the name of the pasta and the {{unrev}} template in a section header at the bottom of the page (like this: == Pasta name here {{unrev}} ==). And please, please, PLEASE sign your posts, either with four tildes (~~~~) or the Signature button. Failure to sign your appeal in this manner will result in IMMEDIATE denial. Your appeal will also be immediately denied if you fail to provide a copy of your story. If you don't have one, you can message an admin beforehand.

Please note that this is not a place to ask why your story was deleted; it's for contesting deletions. If you'd like feedback on your story and/or specific reasons as to why it was deleted, you can try posting it on the writing help forum. Admins are not obligated to give a reason for overturning an appeal.

Also note that almost every story is deleted for a reason (typically due to it not being up to quality standards), making a deletion appeal without having a revised copy of the story in pastebin or having a link to the re-worked version on the writer's workshop will likely result in your story being denied and the administrator pointing out the reasons why they deleted the story.

For administrators: When accepting or rejecting stories, please use one of the two status templates below.

  • {{d-small}} — for when an appeal is rejected.
  • {{a-small}} — for when an appeal is accepted.


(Archives)



"Suffering From Nightmares" by MidnightPsychoWrites (DENIED)

Yet another one of my stories got deleted. I read the quality standards that had to be met, read 2 guides from this page to better my writing, ran the story through 3 spell-checkers and read the story to myself. What was wrong with my story?

Here is a copy: https://pastebin.com/yggkkD93

—Preceding unsigned comment added by a user.

It literally repeats a majority of the issues I pointed out earlier. Here're examples of the awkward wording: "Yet another nightmare taking advantage on one of my fears.", "I'm actually surprised with myself that I was able to keep this a constant thing. I had another nightmare. It's very different from the last one.", "By mistake, I kicked up sand which ended up getting in my eyes, forcing me to stop running (also,, while this is a dream, it seems unlikely that someone would kick sand into their own eyes while running.", "I guess that chain of consistency (you are not using the word properly) is no more. Surprise, I had another nightmare. (If things are consistent, like having nightmares, there's actually no real change if the protagonist has another dream.)", "Kevin Johnson was found in his bedroom with multiple stab wounds around his body." etc.
Redundancies: "Gravity seemed to be nonexistent and I felt extremely light.", "I was falling through the sky, a night sky.", "Coyotes, 2 packs of coyotes were staring at me with menacing, orange eyes. (also how does he differentiate the two packs. A pack isn't a set number and can actually be quite large.)", etc.
Spelling/wording: "In the ended, the coyotes caught up with me.", " I can still hear my own pleads and begs for it to end in my head", "Christmas came and left quickly. I didn't spend the festive holiday surround (sic) by my family and friends, but with crumpled up pieces of paper sprawled on the floor and cans of red bull (Red Bull) all over the place.", "When examining his body, doctors found that his ribs and lungs were crushed. It was theorized that heavyweight (heavy weight, also for being a police/coroner's report this needs quite a lot of work to make it sound more formal.) around the chest area was the cause. etc.
The plot holes are back: "The following entries were found in New York City in the apartment of Kevin Johnson, who was found in critical condition by the police. He later died in hospital from his injuries." / "The police have ruled out Kevin's death as a suicide but some skeptics say it was murder. To this day, no one knows exactly how long Kevin Johnson's body sat in his apartment before it was uncovered but one thing was confirmed... Kevin Johnson suffered immensely before his death"
Story issues cont.: The protagonist's random jump from scientific reasoning to it being the work of demons feels incredibly forced. "I may have a disorder called 'Nightmare disorder' also called 'Dream anxiety disorder'. Other articles say that it maybe be caused by supernatural forces such as demons. I wanted to believe the more rational option but something at the back of my mind tells me it's a demon. I don't believe in demons and angels so this seemed crazy to me." In four sentences the protagonist waffles back and forth to the point of absurdity.
Story issues end: There are other issues here, but due to the fact that you're repeating a lot of the problems I pointed out earlier, I'm going to wrap it up with this: The story really doesn't work as a journal pasta as a lot of the story feels rushed and overly expository. It doesn't actually feel like someone is writing this and rather that you are writing it as a medium. Here's a guide on writing journal entries. Another note, the next time a story is posted that repeats these issues, the explanation will be much shorter. I'd suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as it seems like you're overlooking quite a lot. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:33, November 2, 2017 (UTC)
Am I allowed to repost the story when I revise it and fill in the inconsistancies or no? Also thank you for your time and advice.
Please read the header above. Appeals need to be cleared in order to post a revised version. If you want for your appeal to be considered again, the story needs to be drastically re-written (i.e. an entire re-write). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:53, November 2, 2017 (UTC)
I see, so all I have to do is rewritten the story and then send the link to it here? Sorry but I never really used creepypasta wiki for writing that much up until last week.
At this point since the appeal has been overturned, the story will need drastic revision to even be considered so as not to foster multiple re-appeals for the same story. Your best bet would be to re-write it completely and post it to the writer's workshop as there are a lot of fundamental problems here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:06, November 2, 2017 (UTC)
Thank you for your time. I will revise it in the future but for now I'm focusing on another story. O f course now I'll be careful not to repeat the mistakes mentioned. Again, thank you.

"Perchta" by MidnightPsychoWrites (DENIED)

Hello again. It seems that yet another story of mine got deleted. Is it because of the same reason that "Wrie" got deleted for?

I'm sorry if I'm asking repeatedly, I don't mean to disturb anyone.

Here is a copy of that story: https://pastebin.com/jJLzm3jR

Yeah. I would suggest carefully reading the advice given to you as you repeat a lot of the issues Dupin pointed out. The spelling issues are still here ("Nothing could save him from the faith (sic) he was about to meet") as well as awkward wording, redundancies, grammatical, and story issues.
Awkward wording: "Thomas quivered under his bed sheets, scared to absolute death.", " Everyone in the room he was sharing started weeping and crying", "The figure said nothing else and, with another hand (there's no mention of the first hand before in this paragraph), held Robert down by the head.", etc. I would suggest reading the story aloud to yourself to catch these instances of awkward wording. A general rule of thumb is that if something sounds awkward when you read it to yourself, then it should be revised.
Redundancies: Avoid reusing the same words over in the same sentence and try to avoid restating the same thing twice in a row. "He tried to tell himself that maybe he would luck out this year like last time, but it was inevitable this year.", "Only mere seconds later, the silence was broken by heavy footsteps, coming closer and closer to his room. Yes, heavy footsteps slowly approached the room.", "It fumbled around in what seemed to be a rug sack and pulled out a smaller rug sack.", etc.
Grammar: "It untied the knot closing it and spilled the contents in Robert(')s almost hollow mess of a body." It's=it is, its=possession. "Then, it slowly started impaling him with it's (its) long, notched claw.", "It wiggled it's (its) claw around, cutting and slashing a big vertical line across his belly.", "It reached inside and started pulling out whatever came to it's (its) hand.", "Then, it stopped to reach for something around it's (its) back.", etc.
Story issues: Given that you're using the Perchta myth for your story, you do need to try and fix up some of the inconsistencies. "No one in history has ever survived an encounter with Perchta." The entity has been widely known to spare hard workers (and even reward them). Additionally, you state earlier in the story how the protagonist avoided the Perchta last year. There's quite a bit more you can do with this folklore to make it feel true to the legend and effective.
Story issues cont.: The story needs a lot of work with its descriptions. Lines like: "He watched on, frozen in fear as the figure extended a big hand with sharp claws.", "Horrifically, the figure, with one claw from her other hand, started to lift up his shirt.", and "As he peeked, he could only see red eyes peering at everyone, the silhouette was nothing more than a blob of black." are pretty good examples of areas that need to be more descriptive. Given that this is based off of an old tale, there are a lot of illustrations and descriptions of the creature. Leaving it at something with big claws and red eyes is a pretty generic description that really weakens the story. They really don't paint a visual image of the entity and since it's the major focus of the story, this comes off as a bit bland.
Story issues cont.: There are other plot issues, but I think the last one I'll be focusing on is the real lack of story here and its plot holes. The Perchta arrives, cuts someone open, stuffs them and then the story ends. It comes off as anticlimactic. It feels like there's more you can do with this narrative especially the fact that this is a repeating event. This isn't the first time the Perchta has done this, so why aren't the children attempting to flee during all of this? Also, where are the owners of the orphanage during all this? If this occurred last year (and all the children died except the protagonist as the story states), where are the caretakers during all of this (especially with the fact that the Perchta is not being quiet and the children are screaming)? I'm sorry, but this story really doesn't meet our quality standards and needs quite a lot of revision. I'd suggest reading the advice Dupin gave you as another story which has these same issues will likely be deleted. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:57, November 1, 2017 (UTC)

"Write" by MidnightPsychoWrites (DENIED)

I got a message saying that my story "Write" did not meet quality standards. Why is this? I was in the middle of editing my story and it got deleted. There were no spelling errors and I ensured that the story was structured well. Please do tell me what rule my story voilate. I would love it if my story could be let back onto the page. Thank you.

Here is a copy of the story: https://pastebin.com/4f4v7DXE

Hello. I'm afraid your story does not meet our Quality Standards.
First of all, there are numerous spelling mistakes (for example, 'attict ', 'spary ' and 'meerily'). Another proofread with a spell-checker at hand would have helped greatly.
Second, the way you structured your story worked against you. The first 3/4 of your story is exposition and background and only at the last part do we get anything remotely scary/interesting. And I'm afraid that moment wasn't strong either. Generally speaking, getting to the point as fast as possible is the best way to go and I highly advice throwing something interesting at the reader to grab their attention from the start.
The plot itself was unfortunately nothing spectacular either. I suggest you keep reading stories so that you get a better feel of what is creepy. You can find such stories here and on my profile, under "Favourite Stories". Also, don't forget to keep practicing your writing. Reading and writing is key to becoming a better writer. MrDupin (talk) 14:33, November 1, 2017 (UTC)
I see, thank you for your time.

"What's Wrong With Their Faces" by nosleep1000 (DENIED)

What's Wrong With Their Faces

I literally just went to sleep for the night and was going to finish in the morning. Drirton (talk) 15:09, June 23, 2017 (UTC)

It doesn't change the site rules. We don't accept unfinished pages and there were five separate entries you didn't add missing from the story. As this wiki has had issues in the past with unfinished stories, we only accept completed versions now. You can post the story in its entirety, just don't do it piecemeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:18, June 23, 2017 (UTC)

"Laughing Jack" by Steve Aikins (DENIED)

Laughing Jack

There was no official reason given but I presume LOLSKELETONS considered it a "trollpasta". I don't see how it is. It's one of my favourite stories. Also, I do intend on revising/formatting it a bit to be more easy to read and aesthetically pleasing. I'm currently working on it now but it'll be available here by noon later today. Thanks. Drirton (talk) 04:19, June 23, 2017 (UTC)

The appeal is for contesting your own deletions, not others. As such I'm turning down this appeal outright and stating the original reason why the series was deleted (Quality Standards. If you're looking for it, you can find it on the troll pasta wiki and the creepypasta classics wiki. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:50, June 23, 2017 (UTC)
I don't understand. I submitted the deletion appeal because I was unable to simple create the page. Looking at its history, it doesn't seem to have ever been created to begin with. How could it have been deleted due to quality standards when nothing was posted before? I even revised it and posted it to Pastebin. Perhaps my version meets quality standards. Please reconsider. Drirton (talk) 05:17, June 23, 2017 (UTC)
I'm sorry, but a deal was already struck between the founder of this wiki and the original author of the story and it has been transferred over to the creepypasta classics wiki and we're not accepting alternate/revised versions on this wiki (feel free to message the admins on that wiki if you're looking for a place to post). As your story only corrects the mechanical problems present in the story and not the plot issues, I'm still denying this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:22, June 23, 2017 (UTC)

To make a Blood-Mirror (DENIED)

I worked hard on that; it's hostile to new writers to randomly delete their work for no reason or without even suggesting what might be changed in order to meet your nebulous and frankly baffling standards.

Auset Bradford (talk) 21:21, June 14, 2017 (UTC)Auset Bradford

As per the rules of Deletion Appeal, your appeal has been denied since you did not provide a copy of your story. MrDupin (talk) 08:00, June 15, 2017 (UTC)


Another Blood Runs Red (DENIED)

My pasta, Another Blood Runs Red, was deleted for being a "wall of text". I have taken the time to break it's paragraphs into smaller, bite-size bits that, according to the wiki rules, are apparently about as much text a person can handle reading in one chunk. I split the larger, novel-blocked paragraphs into ones mimicking other approved pastas, and as no other reasons were cited for deletion, I would therefore like my revised copy of the pasta ( Located at https://pastebin.com/6GgQpnzt ) restored.

Milkmandiaries (talk) 07:55, June 23, 2017 (UTC)Milkmandiaries

I'm sorry, but the story was actually deleted for not being up to out quality standards due to numerous capitalization, punctuation, formatting, wording, and other issues that really weigh down the story.
Redundancies: Avoid using the same word multiple times in the same sentence as it comes off as repetitive. "The blood filled the etchings on the coffin I had previously not noticed in the dark, and then seeped upwards into the wall, defying physics and reality, revealing a message on the wall, written in my own blood, and illuminated by the awful, blood red glow that room with no light had.", "I knew, I knew it was alive, and I knew, it was looking straight at me.", "If I could jump like a flea, they might be fun to jump along like I was Mario, but as I got closer, their size began to awe me.", etc.
Capitalization: You have a tendency to improperly capitalize words after using ellipses. An ellipses signify a pause in a sentence. Unless you're starting a new sentence after them or using a proper noun, the words should not be capitalized. "I could see the sky through the second floor and roof, as if they were as clear as reddish glass, to see a massive… Thing (thing), looking down at me.", The next morning, I woke up feeling… Quite (quite) good.", "my sister had… Disappeared (disappeared)", etc.
Capitalization cont.: You also have a tendency to improperly capitalize dialogue tags. Unless it's a completely separate sentence or a proper noun, the words proceeding quotations shouldn't be capitalized. "Love you guys!” My (my) sister replied", "“Someone came and crushed the teapot I ordered!” My (my) grandma exclaimed", "“I-I was curious what that phrase could mean!” She (she) stammered back.", etc.
Grammar/misc.: You tend to switch up your usage of it's/its and use it improperly a couple of times. it's=it is, its=possession. "I could not see its face, and it’s (its) form barely registered as a creature of any kind", "just as before it organized it’s (its) meaning into my mind" Misc.: "I locked the door to the bedroom that served as my grandparent’s (grandparents' as they're plural and the room doesn't belong to just one of them) computer room," "her.But (space needed) when I saw my sister’s face" "“Love you too.(comma should be used instead of a period. A period is only used in dialogue if it's the end of a sentence and there's no dialogue tags after it.)” I muttered"
Format: Starting with the basics, another thing about wiki formatting is that indenting paragraphs (like you have in the pastebin file) tends to cause white box errors which makes text difficult to read. Additionally paragraphs need a full space between them otherwise they will end up joined (32-33).
Conclusion: As the story was interesting enough and I didn't find too many sticking points in the plot, I'm going to turn down this appeal for now, but suggest you message me on my talk page once you make these revisions as the overall plot of the story doesn't have a lot of issues and could make for an interesting read. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:39, June 23, 2017 (UTC)

The Fairy of Rotten Teeth (DENIED)

​I must say that was quick, but define your standards. What may be interesting to you, may not be the same for others, therefore your quality is in questioned. It is hard for us already to get our stories out there, yet instead of offering suggestions, you dismiss it when it goes by YOUR standards. Give us a break, we pour our hearts into these stories and you crush them instead of giving them a chance. I must say, I'm actually quite disappointed in this site. After this, I will not posted anymore of my stories in case they may be rejected without proper cause. Therefore, you might as well delete my other one. I must say, what makes a good character? Any character? Truth is, it's different for everyone and is judge differently. I quite regret coming a part of Creepypasta Wiki, since it doesn't seem like they give anyone a chance, but instead wait until they delete your story before actually explaining theirselves. Honestly, I am surprise that anyone is a part of this wiki based on having their stories rejected. It's a plain shame. —Preceding unsigned comment added by HomicidalBaker (talkcontribs).

I'm sorry that our quality standards of requiring stories to meet basic english levels disappointed you. We have those standards to ensure authors spend time on their stories rather than cranking out a lot of subpar stories all at once. Your two stories have a lot of issues and it seems fairly obvious that you spent little to no time proof-reading this (as you're about to see below). There are a lot of capitalization, wording, spelling, and story issues here that result in a story that fails to meet the bare minimum standards for this site.
Capitalization: You tend to try and capitalize regular words and fail to capitalize the start of sentences. "Before he could go to bed, he wanted to wish James 'Good Night (good night).'", "(At, as you shouldn't start a sentence with numerals) 3 a.m., James wakes up to a crashing sound coming from his brother's room.", etc.
Wording errors: Awkward/missing words. "He removed his pillow and placed his to underneath.", "James jump in surprise and in pain before he saw his brother laughing on the floor.", "His eyes made their way to the floor to see triplets (droplets, triplets is something else entirely) of blood coming from Austin's pillow and the discarded teeth laying in the pools of blood", "Its teeth were jagged and dripping of blood that glistened even the darkness.", etc.
Spelling: "Austin goes back to is (his) room and places the pillow on top of his removed tooth.", "James sighs and pulls the covers over his body and reaches over to turn of (off) his lamp.", "James's screamed echoed throughout the house", etc.
Story issues: You frequently change tenses in the story from present tense ("He is startled and quickly comes to his feet. He stumbles trying to get out his door, nearly falling over himself.") to past tense ("The moment didn't last long, as he dashed towards the hallway. He was going to wake his mom and dad, they needed to call the police.") and back again.
Story issues: "I must say, what makes a good character" The answer to that is a relatable character with traits. Your character didn't really have that. The only real bit of characterization we get is his rough-housing with his brother and even then it's a throw-away line that has little to no impact on the story. As the audience, we know nothing about the character's habits, hobbies, or personality. They come across as more of a stock character (scared child #1) than an actual person, which really results in a uninteresting story.
Story issues cont.:: The story is rushed and the descriptions are pretty generic. Descriptors like this are bland: "Long claws with burned hands came from the cloak, and a thick hood covered the thing's face. James screamed in horror as the hood moved to show the monster's face. A long, narrow face with a missing noise (sic) and a creepy smile." What made the smile creepy, what unnerved him so much about the thing's face? This feels like a really generic description that doesn't paint a picture for the audience. I'm sorry, but for only being a page long there's a massive amount of errors here. Please spend time revising your stories as it feels like this was written all in one sitting with very little time spent correcting the capitalization, wording, spelling, and rushed/generic descriptions. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:25, June 24, 2017 (UTC)
It seems though you forget that most people work very hard on their works. You focus on all the little details that some people don't even care about. That's why I have created my own Wiki page. One were people can come to and not feel as judged. The point of the site is to get suggestions, not rejections. But you reject them more than you do by helping them. And then they can't resubmit the pasta, even if they make it better. That really sad for people that want to fix their characters, but can't put them back on here unless it goes through you. That's why I refuse to put up another story on here. Maybe stop being less strict, and let the readers decide what they want. Besides, I don't see you creating stories. At least, not in the same way most of these people have to go through. —Preceding unsigned comment added by HomicidalBaker (talkcontribs).
Actually the purpose of this wiki is to read good stories and improve your writing. Those small details like basic writing rules and time spent editing are what compose a good writer. We aren't looking for author who don't even bother fixing up their own stories or spending times on them. Best of luck on your new wiki. I would have pointed you to the other wikis created for the same purpose you mentioned, but most have fallen into inactivity as most users don't care to read poorly written stories by authors who don't have any intention of improving their work. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:16, June 24, 2017 (UTC)
Look, yes I guess small details matter, but flat out rejecting people is, how do you say, a bit of an asshole thing to do. You don't suggest the flaws to them right there and then. Instead, you strip away their chance of doing better. If they reposted a character and it is ten times better than before, you ban them. That is not a way to improve their works. It makes them hate the Wiki because they end up feeling like trash. Honestly, the only reason why this Wiki is doing better is because of the name. That is pretty much it. Slenderman, Jeff the Killer, etc. Are those really that better? Personally no. They are popular because of Fanservice, not because of the story, believe me. If it doesn't get Fanservice, truthfully, you probably don't care where it ends up. —Preceding unsigned comment added by HomicidalBaker (talkcontribs).
I'm sorry, but the onus for writing falls on the author. We have the writer's workshop as a means of helping users who are having trouble with their stories and are unable to reach our standards. Additionally they can message an admin if their story is deleted and inquire about what went wrong to improve, but if we were to spend time detailing every deletion. For example, I deleted five stories today (one unfinished, and four with severe plot and mechanical issues). If I spent thirty minutes on each, I wouldn't have time to do other things on the site or write myself. This is a literature site that is looking for quality stories whose authors have actually spent time working on and revising. Now, as this is no longer about your story's deletion appeal, I'm going to ask you to message me if you have any more questions as this forum is for contesting deleted stories. 02:38, June 24, 2017 (UTC)

The Haunted Nutcracker (DENIED)

I just want to see what I did wrong this time. I will admit, I paid much closer attention to the details this time. I don't know if you can do this, if you still have it on memory, send it to me. I didn't write it down and I want to post it on Deviantart so I can edited it. That is if can, but if can't, I'll just have to rewrite it. Just want to see what was up with it.

The appeal is being turned down for not following the header above. Here is a copy of the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:28, July 20, 2017 (UTC)

"A Dismembered Pirate Figure" (DENIED)

Hello,I'm the author of this story,and i would like to know why it got deleted,i'm not angry,but i would like to know why it got deleted, i mean,it doesn't have any grammar errors,it doesn't include gore or blood,it doesn't have an ending where the character always dies,as i said before, i'm not angry,but i would just like to know why it got deleted.

It was absolutely riddled with grammar errors including missing spaces, punctuation, incorrect capitalisation, not to mention the whole thing was one giant wall of text. Please read the rules and quality standards and proof read your own work and you'll see how it falls shorts of what's expected here ChristianWallis (talk) 09:03, June 26, 2017 (UTC)

I understand,thank you for telling me this.

The Manhole (DENIED)

I am the author of The Manhole. I spent a long time writing what was going to happen in that pasta, and a couple days ago, I began writing. I experienced some of my work not saving where I stored it, and some other stuff. And when I finally uploaded it after fixing mistakes. And it got deleted within 20 minutes. But maybe I did something wrong so let me look through the cliches, site rules, and quality standards.


Proofreading: I put my story in spellcheck.net and I even went over it in the editor, so I'm not sure that proofreading was it.

Wall of text: I spaced out each paragraph and I made ABSOLUTELY SURE, not to indent as I read it could mess with the format. So, this can't be it.

Cliches: Alright, I'm not sure if I had any cliches in my pasta. 1. No Jeff formula 2. No Pointless violence. 3. My character did believe it to be over, because it was over. 4. There was no LOOK BEHIND YOU or THERE'S A SKELETON IN YOUR CLOSET sort of thing. 5. No describing of the eyes as every anyway I could've described them was considered a cliche, but I did describe what around the things eyes looked like. 6. Okay, I'm going to be here all day writing what I did right, and I think my creepypasta wasn't on long enough for people to read it, and eventually find a problem. So please take my appeal into consideration. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Themarioshow 177 (talkcontribs).

I'm sorry, but there are far too many mechanical (grammar, punctuation, capitalization, wording, and redundancies) and plot issues here. Starting with the basics, a number of paragraphs were joined together because there was not a full space between them. Onto the mechanical issues:
Grammar: It's=it is, its=possession. "Now having said that, the town did have it's fair share of very creepy moments for me.", "Then, I saw it's face for the first time.", etc.
Punctuation: You're missing quite a lot of necessary punctuation in the story. "When I thought the coast was clear(,) I got up and everything went black", "One responded, (quotation missing)Your dad saw your car in front of the house this morning at around 5 am with no trace of you (wouldn't the presence of the car be a trace of them?)."", "we noticed that there was an opening.(,)" One (one) said.", "But there was no trace of any there(,) except them.(,)” He (he) added", etc. You also have a tendency to improperly capitalize dialogue tags.
Wording: "Like the time someone broke into my house when I was 7, or the time someone followed me home (from) school.", "The feeling of dread lurked over (awkward wording) as I got closer and closer to opening the door.", "I (was) too petrified shine my light at its face.", "He said he saw stray pieces of clothing, with what looked like it had blood on it (clunky wording)", etc.
Redundancies: You have a tendency to repeat words/phrases in a manner that comes off as repetitive. "But all those events do not scratch the surface of...a very strange series of events.", " I had rented an apartment near my college, as the college had no dorms and it was two hours from my old house.", "There must've been another entry point I didn't see, or kids somehow sneaked in my entry point.", etc.
Story issues: Your story could use a lot more effective description and explanation here. Lines like: "Since I was an adult now, I decided I would just wander around down there for awhile." and "His face was gray, there was black around his eyes." really highlight the issue. How does being an adult result in him deciding to enter the sewers? I assume you're meaning to say that they're no longer scared of the things that frightened them as a child and are deciding to confront their fear, but without that explanation, it just comes off as an odd statement. Describing a monster as having a gray face and black eyes is pretty bland description (especially since a lot of stories use black eyes when describing their monster).
Story issues cont.: It feels like this was written all at once as the ending has a lot of issues. You forget to space out dialogue and it comes off as a jumble. Which of the officers is saying what and why are they alternating sentences like that? ""We arrived and found a crowbar by the entrance of the manhole out front." "We got a team of 5 other people and told some of them to go one way while we went another." "My team went to the forest and we found a building with you in it." "But what happened to me when you found me?" I responded."
Story issues end: The ending also feels a bit forced. "I stay clear of the manhole and for a long time, I never brought it up. Well, that was the case until now..." Why exactly are they bringing it up now then? It feels like you left out a paragraph where the protagonist comes across some evidence that the horrors aren't over and is now writing this. Additionally, why isn't the protagonist alerting the police to what he found in the sewers. It feels kind of odd that they would come across someone ("It surprised me. It was a man around my age. He had scrapes on his face and a mangled hand.") and not bother to mention it to the police? Also, what police come across blood while searching for someone and don't do a full search of the area? I'm sorry, but there are quite a lot of issues here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:45, July 3, 2017 (UTC)

Alright, thanks for taking this into consideration.

What the heck!? The inked man. (DENIED)

My story met the quality standards and I didn't break any rules! —Preceding unsigned comment added by SadistictTurtle2901 (talkcontribs).

It really didn't meet our quality standards. Starting with the basics (discussed on the quality standards page by the way), the story is one large paragraph. It makes the text appear blocky. On top of that, there are spacing ("He wasn’t so much tattooed as vandalized , defaced."), punctuation ("As she was about a mile from her home(comma missing) she saw him in the reflection again", ""That Damn Cat", (punctuation improperly left out of quotations) she thought.", "As she undressed to put on some more comfortable clothing(,) she was greeted with his crooked ravenous smile in her mirror."etc.), capitalization ("Everyone just called him The Inked Man.", ""That Damn (damn) Cat (cat)", she thought."), wording ("Late one night off in the distance Angel could (have) sworn she saw his reflection but as she looked again nothing was there."), and story issues. For being only thirty sentences long, there are an inordinate number of issues here.
Plot issues: The twist that the Inked man is writing the story feels really forced and awkward. ("Wherever you go there I am. Don't let your screams be the last thing to make a sound.") Why exactly write about himself from an outside perspective and shift it at the very end? ("Nobody knew his real name. Everyone just called him The Inked Man.") Additionally how does he know any of the information in the story when he's not present for it. ("Late one night off in the distance Angel could sworn she saw his reflection but as she looked again nothing was there.", "She brushed it off because it had been an excruciatingly long day.", etc.) It really doesn't make much sense for him to do this. This type of twist worked in the Agatha Christie novel as there were references to it and an explanation for why they were writing it, here it just feels out of place.
A rushed plot: I'm sorry, but you have a tendency to rush through the story itself. Just look at the climax of the story for example: "She screamed as his hatchet plunged into her. Nobody could save her now, nobody would hear her blood curdling screams. It was over" This is sorely lacking description and there's little build-up here. You spend more time describing the Inked Man that telling the story main plot itself, which brings me to another issues.
This comes off like a vehicle to introduce your OC/CPC rather than an actual story. You spend half of the story describing the Inked Man and the rest feels like an afterthought that lacks build-up or any real tension. The Inked Man kills a girl and it ends with the plot hole-creating twist that the Inked Man was writing the entire story. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of capitalization, formatting, punctuation, spacing, wording, and story issues here which result in the story falling below our basic quality standards. I suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as these issues are quite noticeable. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:50, July 6, 2017 (UTC)

Jack In the Box (DENIED)

This just isnt fair. I had nothing that had grammer issues, and I had taken time to read you standers and expections! What was so bad about this? —Preceding unsigned comment added by That'sSoStrange13 (talkcontribs).

I'm sorry but this story is riddled with errors. There are: capitalization, punctuation, spacing, wording, and a massive amount of cliches present here. To be fair, I'll use the latest version after Squidmanescape corrected all of your grammatical issues ("the clown had red tear-like going down from it’s (its) eyes").
Capitalization: "Does anyone remember owning a Jack In The Box (you don't capitalize prepositions unless they start the title. Jack In The Box should be Jack in the Box.)", "I was doing my first “Spring Cleaning”", etc. You also have a tendency to not capitalize "I" properly. There were about a dozen instances of that throughout the story.
Punctuation: Questions (even rhetorical ones) need question marks. "Does anyone remember owning a Jack In The Box in the early 90’s.(?)", "You know the box with a clown/jester inside with the Pop Goes The Weasel tune winding the thing up for the “surprise".(?)", etc.
Awkward wording: "Of course, as I grew into my teen years, I was tired of playing with it and put it in a “Childhood Toys Box” for my children I was hoping I would have one day.", "However, the clown had red tear-like (tear-like what? Tear-like is an adjective, meaning that it's describing something.) going down from its eyes, and seemed like freshly new wet red paint.", " When I finished, I decided to microwave my left overs (leftovers) from last night('s) dinner.", "Going downstairs, I noticed blood stains in (on) my carpet.", "I found in the middle of my floor was the Jack In The Box. It was like spilt water, except a big blood stain. (awkward wording)", "To this day, I still believe that fucking toy had some demon possession (two nouns) or some shit.", etc.
Spacing: You forget to properly space after using punctuation a number of times throughout the story. "Many years later, when I had settled into my own house just in the residential area of Anaheim,California (space needed),", "Naturally, I was worried that something had happened (I have no pets in my house) and went searching for a cause.In (space needed)", etc.
Tense shifting: You have a tendency to shift from telling the story in past tense ("I found in the middle of my floor was the Jack In The Box." to present tense ("Then I notice a knife in the right hand of the clown.") multiple times throughout the story. You need to be uniform with your tensing.
Story issues: The story uses a lot of tropes in a very generic manner. Cliches like: crying blood ("However, the clown had red tear-like going down from its eyes, and seemed like freshly new wet red paint. With curiosity racing through my mind, I rubbed a little of the paint on the tip of my pointer finger, and I realized it was a stream of blood."), distorted music ("the tune was playing, but it was was distorted." Additionally distorted isn't a good descriptor as it doesn't really paint a picture for how it's distorted.), and "I will never ______ again" ("I will most likely never know, but I know I will never in my lifetime will ever own another Jack In The Box.", etc. weakens the story overall as it just feels like it's a random assortment of tropes picked up from other stories.
Story issues cont.: A lot of your description is very bland. Lines like: "It was like spilt water, except a big blood stain.", "the tune was playing, but it was was distorted.", and "With a sudden pain, I look to see my wrist was bloody, and I looked at the knife, which had blood on it." are good examples of this. You have a tendency to overuse blood and not build-up the scenes effectively. Calling something distorted without adding on to it to say how it's distorted (Is it low and growling, is it high-pitched and grating?) really results in an un-involving plot.
Story issues final: There are more issues here, but the last one I'm going to focus on is the incredibly rushed nature of the story. There's no real build-up or tension here. The plot can be summed up with "I picked up a bloody clown toy and it cut me. Then I threw it away" which really doesn't make the story engaging. I'm going to suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story because if your following work has this many issues, it's likely to be deleted outright for failing to meet the bare minimum of our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:50, July 15, 2017 (UTC)

Mystery About Monokuma's Existence (DENIED)

Mystery About Monokuma's Existence

My creepypasta, which it was a short theory-pasta, was deleted an hour ago. I was unsure what kind of mistakes and errors I did. Can you tell me why it was denied for good reasons? Thanks. - Thehumilator23 (talk) 14:05, July 20, 2017 (UTC)

I'm not the admin who deleted the story, but I can see quite a few issues at a glance. The main ones are clunky/awkward wording and plot issues. As such, I'm turning down the appeal for the reasons outlined below.
Wording issues: "He is infamously known to be associated and controlled by Junko Enoshima, the girl who is responsible within the "Killing Game" itself. (If you're going to be using the word infamous, you do need to include reasons why they're reviled. Remember that a majority of the people who are reading this story have no idea who these characters are or the plot in general so leaving out explanations results in bland storytelling.)", "His most distinct feature is his Yin-Yang body, which represents both evil and good. (I think you left out the word colored/pattern as just saying yin-yang body doesn't really paint a descriptive picture.)", "However, many legends surround his real history and the real reason for his murderous behaviour, not that he is controlled.".
Wording issues cont.: "This teddy bear, now named as Monokuma, prompting revenge to the owner who abandoned him day and night.", "Others say that the spirit of a serial killer, who once murdered children in cold blood by using manipulation tactics such as offering them for a walk, had possessed into his own teddy bear inside his house.", etc. I would suggest reading your story aloud to identify issues of clunky wording. A general rule of thumb is that if it sounds awkward when read aloud, it should be revised.
Story issues: There needs to be a lot more explanation and descriptive elements here. Remember that a majority of the people who are reading this story have no idea who these characters are or the plot in general so leaving out explanations results in bland storytelling and can result in a lot of confusion about the characters/plot. Take this line for example: "Neither the students of Hope's Peak Academy nor even the Ultimate Despair, Junko Enoshima, know anything about his real history.". It doesn't really work to gloss over something so important-sounding as 'the Ultimate Despair' which detracts from the story itself.
Story issues cont.: In the end, this story feels more like a bio for a character that belongs on the villains wiki or the Danganronpa wiki rather than an actual creepypasta. There really isn't any elements of telling a cohesive story here and a quick google search (see link above) goes into a lot more detail about the character's history. The theory section of your story proposes two separate theories (the serial killer and the abandoned toy idea) to the character's backstory, but doesn't really give any supporting evidence to back up these claims. Also, proposing two separate theories ends up weakening your story as it makes it seem like supposition and conjecture. I'm sorry, but these wording and plot issues really weaken the overall story so I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:28, July 20, 2017 (UTC)

Cyber (DENIED)

Okay i believe that my story being instantaniously deleted is somewhat unfair considering the fact I'm new to this I still have a lot to learn but if your'e instantly deleting my stories I don't really have that big of a chance to learn because people don't have a chance to comment criticism my first story was deleted i understand it wasnt that good but i think this one was half decent at least not angry just think its somewhat unfair. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Chachingblang (talkcontribs).

I'm sorry, but I don't find it hard to believe that deleting a 23 sentence story is too ridiculous for a two minute span. Especially considering the massive amount of capitalization, punctuation, spacing, wording, and story issues present. Perhaps if you spent more time on it, admins would be more apt to spend more time reading it before deciding whether or not it's up to quality standards. A general rule of thumb is that if a story has more issues than it does sentences, it's likely to be deleted the instant and admin identifies all the problems.
Capitalization: You improperly capitalize a number of words. "remix. 2 (Two) hours later he woke up to a noise", "“This is why you don’t anger me(comma missing)” The (the) man said.", "Okay here i’m (I'm) going to state that i’m (I'm) not angry that my story got removed I understand (it seems like you don't actually understand)", etc.
Punctuation: A lot of your sentences are missing proper punctuation. "he took a break to hop onto twitch to see his favorite streamer streaming(,/.) he started talking in chat.", "So eventually he saved up enough he immediately booted it up when he got it", "The game was simple enough(,) just a shooting game pretty much(,) but he was still pretty bad at it because he just got it", "He went a few more matches like this, until one player said he was gonna track him, again he shrugged it off because he thought this one was bluffing too after the match he got off and started working on the remix again.", etc.
Spacing: A majority of your story is told in a single paragraph (20+ sentences) which results in the text coming off as blocky and like a wall of text. A typical paragraph is five to ten sentences long. Any shorter and the story feels anemic. Any more and the text is difficult to read and it impacts story flow. You also forget to properly put a space after punctuation. "The man said.The man pulled the trigger."
Wording: "Samuel pulled out his laptop and starting making a remix out of a(an) internet celebrity." Run on sentences: " remix. 2 hours later he woke up to a noise, it sounded like metal clanking, he looked outside to see a man dressed in all black holding a pistol he staggered back not knowing what to do he tried to scream but he couldn’t the man smashed through the window putting the pistol to Sam’s head(period missing)"
Story issues: There's a real lack of description and explanation that weakens the story. Take these lines for example: "He did feel a little uncomfortable as he seemed like he meant it as the others didn’t" and "he staggered back not knowing what to do he tried to scream but he couldn’t the man smashed through the window putting the pistol to Sam’s head". How exactly does the guy track him down, show up to his house, and kill the protagonist in the span of two hours? Additionally why does Sam feel like this guy's threat is sincere when basically everyone is telling him the same things? ("He got death threats but he just shook them off because he knew they were bluffing.") How does he know that group is bluffing, but this guy isn't when there's no real attempt to differentiate them?
Story issues cont.: There are more issues here, but frankly, I don't like writing reviews that are longer than the story themselves as it implies I'm putting more time into them than the author themselves so I'm just going to wrap it up with this. The story feels incredibly rushed, as if it were written in a single sitting. The lack of description also renders the story pretty bland. Here's the climax of your story for example: "it sounded like metal clanking, he looked outside to see a man dressed in all black holding a pistol he staggered back not knowing what to do he tried to scream but he couldn’t the man smashed through the window putting the pistol to Sam’s head". There isn't any real build-up here. The guy says he's going to kill the protagonist and he (somehow) manages to show up at his house in the span of a few hours to shoot him. There's no description and very little effective writing here. For these reasons I'm turning down your appeal and suggesting you use the writer's workshop for your next story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:39, July 21, 2017 (UTC)

Dark Man (DENIED)

This must be a mistake. The article was ready to be on this wiki. —Preceding unsigned comment added by QuestionMarked (talkcontribs).

No mistake here. Your story failed to meet our quality standards due to a large amount of punctuation, wording, grammar, and story issues and is in no way ready for the wiki. As there have been no changes made, this appeal is being turned down for the issues outlined below.
Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. "it's existence is anonymous.", "Eventually, people say that the man would go around the dead bodies and that the man would make a giant black stain under it's self", "he would cannibalize and rape the bodies of it's victims.", "Eventually the man brought the woman's bones as well on the same location, as he went and strike it's new victim.", etc.
Punctuation: Apostrophes used on words that are in no way contractions. "Eventually, there we're (were) no reports of the Dark Man being seen anywhere.", "Three girls we're (were) having a normal sleepover, everything was fine", "The girls didn't even see the face, they we're (were) distracted talking to each other, having fun", etc. Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "the girls room, only to find the black stain, on the girl's bed."
Wording: "The man would stay on the building for a hour, finding a dead victim for it's pleasure", "Researchers claim that the stain is really a another dimension", "As they came closer to the window, the man went trough the window smiling at them.", "Few days later, the Japanese police found a piece of paper on the black stain, where the woman got missing.", "Do not let your self come here. You will get surrounded by everything you never wanted to see in your life, cannibalized,raped and killed dead bodies of different aged people.", "The teen even saw it's cannibalized friend inside of the dimension starting to cry, as he some how pulled out, running away fastest as he could, reporting every detail to the news", etc. It feels like this was written in one sitting and no time was spent on proof-reading the story to correct the numerous issues.
Story issues: You have a tendency to improperly use pronouns throughout the story. "he would cannibalize and rape the bodies of it's victims.", "In Japan 1983 , a woman was taking it's dog for a walk.", "the woman couldn't do anything to relax it's dog.", etc. Remember you need to be uniform with your pronouns. If the creature is gender neutral, use the pronoun it. Men are referred to as he and women are she when using their respective pronouns.
Story issues: The story feels incredibly rushed. Take these lines for example: "The Dark Man is described to be a (an) old, tall, skinny, humanoid creature, with a (an) extremely disturbing facial expression." and "Theorist claim that the man really killed a infinite number of people, and that one one could solve the mystery behind of his reasoning's (sic) to do so." The description needs a lot work, what makes the expression so disturbing, what are the creature's physical attributes that differentiate it from a human? How did he kill an infinite number of people (besides being physically impossible)?
Conclusion: I'm sorry but there are way too many mechanical issues here (involving punctuation, grammar, and wording) as well as plot issues that result in the story being below our quality standards. As such, this appeal is being turned down and I'm strongly advising you to use the writer's workshop for your next story as your future works will be deleted if they possess the same issues that are present here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:38, August 1, 2017 (UTC)

What is a writer's workshop?. —Preceding unsigned comment added by QuestionMarked (talkcontribs).

Mister Stitches (DENIED)

i'm not sure why you deleted my story. i personally do not feel that it violated any of the community standards. my only request is that you message me the entire story so that i may post it somewhere else. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Erron Wolfe‎ (talkcontribs).

Your story (here is a copy) was deleted as it failed to meet our quality standards for having multiple capitalization, spacing, formatting, punctuation, and story issues.
Capitalization: You fail to properly capitalize "I" and the start of multiple sentences. ""Ten years in the tailoring business and i still have nothing to show for it." the man muttered.", "twitched. he then got to work. he cut a small incision in the woodworker's skin, keep removing the skin of the dead corpse, He ignored the blood that was spewing from the dead body. he calmly began to clean out the blood and dispose of the parts of the body that he didn't need. he then", etc. You also fail to capitalize proper nouns. "man." sally then rushed upstairs and locked the door.", "satisfied. he proceeded to walk towards the stairs to where sally was.", etc.
Formatting: A typical paragraph is five-ten sentences long. Any smaller and the text appears anemic, any larger and it's blocky and difficult to read. Your last paragraph is over thirty sentences long and is in desperate need of breaking up.
Punctuation: You improperly use periods in dialogue. ""Ten years in the tailoring business and i still have nothing to show for it.(should be a comma)" the man muttered.", "i must ask you to leave.(should be a comma)" he said", ""Hello.(,)" said a familiar voice.", etc.
Spacing: You also forget to properly space out sentences after periods and quotations on multiple occasions. "London.How may i help you?", "" Your daughter would love to see your work. I will know when you are done, so there is no need to come and get me."" You also need to space out dialogue so two speakers are never on the same paragraph (Like they are here. ""This is quite the strange gift sir." the man smiled with a sparkle in his eyes. "this was a work that took me the whole year to make.(quotations missing) the gears in the arm turned as it got up. Sally was scared."
Story issues: I'm sorry, but your story violates our blacklist by featuring characters you didn't create. Their inclusion also feels really shoe-horned in to the story and has no impact on the plot itself. It feels like you could have subbed out Laughing Jack with a Sonic plush and not changed the story in any meaningful manner which makes it seem unnecessary.
Story issues cont.: Additionally the story feels unfinished ""You performed exactly as i expected. I am a worker for a church, dedicated to bringing a man back from behind the wall. He is coming back. and he wants you." The angelic looking man smiled." The ending you currently have feels more like you're trying to set up a series, but this really isn't an effective ending as it comes across as you trying to bring your OC/CPC into existence.
Conclusion: I'm turning down this appeal for all the issues listed above. Re-posting your story will result in a temporary ban. I hope you work on these issues wherever you decide to post your story as it will likely be deleted on another wiki if you don't put in the time to correct these numerous basic English errors. Best of luck. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:38, August 1, 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for ptoving me right (DENIED)

I just want to thank you so much for proving that I am really a terrible writer, I just should give up. I'm leaving here because if I can't translate a short story good enough, I shound't be with you, talents of the terror. —Preceding unsigned comment added by CharlieFGrosskopf (talkcontribs).

I'm sorry you feel that way. Almost everyone who starts out writing is going to have issues that they need to work through and improve on. Quitting after receiving a negative response isn't really going to help you improve. The issues in this story mainly involves the awkward wording, spelling, missing words, and the plot itself.
Wording issues: "The ground is harder than I have though (thought), I need my feet and my weigh (weight) to make the shovel go deep into the dark", " I need my feet and my weitgh to make the shovel go deep into the dark (earth?).", "I’m digging (digging) her cave (grave) into the dark earth of my background", etc.
Awkward wording: "Pieces of the brown stuff looks like stones while I dig the cave", "I still feeling her nails digging my arms, I still seeing the life going away, I still with the sensation of her neck breking under my hands.", "She’s dead and she still watching me.", "I pull her body and she looking at me.", "I promised I would take care of you, her voices comes from six feet under, I don’t break promises(punctuation missing)", etc.
Run-on sentences: "Her eyes are mocking me, she saying low and slow, her voices sounds like a whisper coming from hell, my girlfriend killed me with her bare hands, she murdered me so nobody would have me."
Story issues: It also feels like you tried to switch up the plot from the girlfriend being the one who was murdered ("She’s not breathing, her heart is not beating, but her eyes moves and stare at everything that I’m doing. ") to the girlfriend being the one who killed someone ("my girlfriend killed me with her bare hands, she murdered me so nobody would have me.").
Story issues cont.: The biggest issue here is that there isn't much story here. It's just someone digging a grave for their girlfriend. You don't really give any insight into what happened between them and as a result the story ends up dragging. I'd suggest using the writer's workshop if you plan on taking up writing again as with feedback and work, you could probably salvage a story that otherwise fails to meet our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:22, August 14, 2017 (UTC)


Dream Reapers (User has decided to get feedback first before attempting an appeal)

Hi,

I just joined the wiki and first of all I am so sorry for reuploading the story I wrote.

The message you send me came late and I saw it after I reuploaded it.

So Dream Reapers got deleted because ”Unusual formatting and several walls o' text”.

I actually thought that you meant with this that I used ' instead of ” when people talk.

Though I am very pleased that it is not because of grammar or spelling issues (due to the fact that i have dyslexia).

My bad. However I do like to know how I can fix the walls of text problem.

I read a lot of books so I am used to it, but if I know where to split the text to two that would be nice.

I hope that the story itself was scary enough, I have put a lot of work in to it.

Copy: http://fav.me/daxer9u

Wiki entry: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Dream_Reapers

Greetings,

Marjolein Bakker

MarjoleinB (talk) 16:50, August 15, 2017 (UTC)

Actually it was deleted for not meeting quality standards by MrDupin. When you reuploaded it, I noted a number of punctuation, capitalization, and wording issues as well as plot problems. I would strongly suggest not making your appeal at this time, otherwise it will likely result in your appeal being denied. Your best bet would be to submit it to the writer's workshop. If not done in the next hour, the appeal will proceed. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:57, August 15, 2017 (UTC)

I will submit it to the writer's workshop then. Can you point out the mistakes that I made so I can change them?

There's quite a few so I will do that once the post goes up on the WW. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:12, August 15, 2017 (UTC)

I think i got some out, but if you would like to help me with the rest and how to make the plot better than that would be great! http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:590370

"Inside the Grocery" by Klazomania45 (DENIED)

My creepypasta was deleted two minutes after me posting it. For not meeting "quality guidelines". Despite my grammar being completely perfect on the story. The fact it had very little to no cliches, and it was simply a story about an apocalyptic situation where overzealous people instead of trusting the government they immediately went to hide. Which lead to their downfall. I believe it was deleted because of the "Daddy, when are we going home?" statement at the beginning. Which was to both set the mood and tie into the ending. I was going to acquire a copy, but when I went back to the page after closing it to free up tab space. It was deleted, preventing me from doing any of those things.  —Preceding unsigned comment added by Klazomania45 (talkcontribs).

Your story was actually deleted for the mechanical issues and rushed nature/ineffective use of the plot. There were quite a lot of capitalization, punctuation, incomplete sentences, and wording errors as well as plot issues which I'll outline below.
Mechanical issues: There are quite a few issues here for being only about a page long running from punctuation ("Gun's (Guns, plural words do not need apostrophes) were fired behind the doors, and with that", "Several day's (days) past and the mother and father woke up to the sound of rumbling in the streets.", "They were in Philadelphia, and when they stopped.(should be a comma as it's an incomplete sentence) They didn't stop on their own.", "etc.).
Sentence structure issues (A lot of your sentences are cut off/incomplete. "Sliding out of their vehicle.(, As 'sliding out of their vehicle' isn't a complete sentence on its own.) The mother placed her hands along the handle of the door and pulled it open with a loud ding." and "The little girl stayed up all night. Looking at the doors.", "they could get some help from. Maybe siphon gas from their truck when they got out and left.", etc. I'd suggest looking over and reading your story aloud, adding full stops where there are periods. If it feels awkward or incomplete, generally that sentence is incorrect. As there about a half a dozen other issues of this in the story, I'd say this is the most prevalent error here), as well as wording issues ("Her eyes flickered (flicked) open, they'd been driving for about an hour and she was fast asleep thirty minutes before that.", "Several day's past (passed) and the mother and father woke up to the sound of rumbling in the streets.") as well as other small issues. That being said, most of the problem lies in the story itself which is what led to the story's deletion.
Story issues: The story could have been more effectively done if it didn't feel so rushed. You try to set up everything within a page and a half (really three paragraphs) and it really doesn't have the emotional impact you were looking for. There's no real sense of desperation and there are quite a few plot holes to be had in the story. The climax at the end of the story: "She asked the man in the gas mask, "Daddy, when are we going home?" Before (before) being shot by the man wearing the gas mask." doesn't really work effectively as there isn't much set-up to make the scene hit home. You describe a zombie outbreak in the beginning, but don't really build on that to make it dramatic or set the scene. It almost feels implausible that in the midst of all this, that they'd be the only ones outside in downtown Phili in a metropolitan area as well. Why is everyone else following the curfew except for this family for the first day or so? How have they managed to drive so far in the midst of a quarantine through a busy section of town? How have they been in this grocery market for days without encountering anyone else? It might work in a small town, but it feels like a real stretch in a city that has over a million people in it.
Story issues cont.: Additionally, as you're going for a more atmospheric/thematic approach (as mentioned above) lines like this for example feel anticlimactic: "When he ran to the door, a bullet rang out from behind the doors (redundant) and the father dropped down to the ground with a thump. A man wearing a gas mask walked in with his assault rifle raised, and shot the mother of the little girl." and come off as bland as they don't really have much of an emotional impact or visceral feel. Remember these are the main characters to the story. It comes off as pretty lackluster for them all to die in a few sentences without really any reaction or attempt to engage the audience. The conclusion at the end also feels out-of-place ("But those words rang out through his head, "Daddy, when are we going home?" He repeated them as they continued their sweep of the city, and did their jobs as they were ordered.") as there's no real use of effective description to make anything of what you described in the appeal above work.
Conclusion: I'm sorry, but there are quite a lot of issues here and the story feels way to rushed through to be effective. It might work if this were more fleshed out and we could see the emotional impact that the girl's death has on the man, but for now, it feels more like the rough draft with a skeleton plot. I'm turning down this appeal for the issues outlined above which resulted in the story being below our quality standards and providing you with a copy of your story for reference. I suggest using the writer's workshop (link in the deletion message) for your next story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:51, August 21, 2017 (UTC)

Shadow Walker, Shadow Talker (DENIED)

Hello,

I was wondering why my story, Shadow Walker, Shadow Talker was deleted. I read all the pages I was supposed to and made sure it met the right requirements, so the only reason I can think of is that it was too similar to other creepypastas. Thanks!

Respectfully, RainaTheRogue

Starting with the basic capitalization issues: Improperly capitalized dialogue tags and words. ""Why do you run away?" It (it) said in this high pitched voice.", ""Please don't run..." It (it) said.", "If you can read this, Thing That Is Stalking Me, just tell me what you want.", etc.
Story issues: Starting with the introduction, "You guys might be the only people who will believe me. I'm being stalked by a creepypasta in real life.", this feels like a really ham-fisted opening. It breaks immersion immediately and was added to our Cliche list as it is a fairly problematic idea. Usually referencing creepypastas in creepypastas isn't a good tactic as it breaks immersion and generally doesn't create an involving atmosphere.
Story issues cont.: There are plot contradictions in the story. This line: "These are my notes concerning what happened after (the number of days is how many days I've gone without seeing it)" is at odds with the rest of the story especially since each journal entry from that point on describes the protagonist's encounter with the creature on an almost daily basis.
Story issues cont.: The diary entries have a number of problems. First and foremost, they are rushed. Condensing everything that happened into a few lines really robs the story a lot of its opportunities for effective story-telling. ("Day 3 - It happened again. I saw it. A shadow in the form of a person, while I was driving home from school. It was just standing under a copse of trees, staring at me. I got a ticket because I drove away from it too fast. I'm actually getting scared right now, this is the second time this has happened. It is just coincidence? I'm hoping to God it is.") There also isn't any real build-up or characterization. The protagonist encounters the creature and there's little tension here due to the nebulous description ("A shape in the form of a human"). Feel free to read over this guide on writing journal entries for more ideas on how to handle this style of story.
Story issues end: There are more issues here, but the last one I'm going to focus on is the lack of any real story development. The protagonist encounters the creature and it later tells them not to run. There isn't any real sense of escalation happening and there really doesn't seem to be any real reason why they're writing this. You open with this: "The reason I'm posting this on the creepypasta wiki is because I didn't know where else to turn." but seem to gloss over the numerous other people they could talk to. ("My parents are starting to get worried. I still haven't said anything to them. I'm too scared to.") They even get pulled over by the police trying to escape the entity and don't tell them anything. I'm sorry, but there are quite a lot of issues present in the story that really result in it not being up to our quality standards. As such, I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:09, August 31, 2017 (UTC)

"House of Ghouls" and "The Eyes in the House" by JackRussel1337 (DENIED)

Why where both mah two stories delated these were reel stories one realy happend to my freinds Eyes in the House and  theover was a story that I herd and is bleived by many to be true House of Ghouls. This are realy good and true story. —Preceding unsigned comment added by JackRussel1337 (talkcontribs).

It doesn't matter if they were real if the stories are poorly written. Both were deleted for failing to meet the bare minimum quality standards. The plot is rushed, bland (lacking build-up/effective description), and riddled with typos. "My freinds have they (sic) had a photo taken infront of an old house but the camare broke and there was a blood curdling cream (sic) and more screams. The only file that was recovered was of the photo infont of the house and in the house (redundant) there was glowing blood red eyes that chills the soul. The photo later caught (sic) fire and was destasroyed (sic)" There are more errors here than there are sentences. As such this appeal is being turned down.
"A guy who bought a old house he was exited (sic) to have (sic) a new home. He arrived at his house but than (sic) he was attacked by ghouls, ghosts and goblins who tried (sic) to take him away. He never returned (sic) to that house and he dyed (what color?) a mouth (sic) later. A photo was taken of his body at the point of deaf (death) while there was nobody in the room and it showed a figure over his body. with (With) some cleaning up of the photo it was shown that the figure was of the SAME MAN! The hospital he dyed (sic) at later burned to the ground!"
I'm sorry but these are rushed, uninteresting, riddled with homophone, spelling, awkward wording, and the plot is almost non-existent. I'm turning both of these appeals down and suggesting you use the writer's workshop for your next story as it will also be deleted if you do not improve your writing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:43, September 26, 2017 (UTC)

Not your normal light by hahavis (DENIED)

Reading the quality standarts I don't see to have broken them. Not your normal light Hahavis (talk) 13:02, October 6, 2017 (UTC)

I am afraid your story does not meet quality standards. The main issue is the plot/premise. It is a generic idea that is not fleshed out into something interesting. The monster is not that interesting itself and nothing interesting happens around it. I highly recommend you read some great stories, like the ones found on my profile (under the "Favourite Stories" tab) or in Category:Suggested Reading. Reading great stories will help you a lot in understanding how to write a great story yourself.
Your story also suffers from awkward wording/phrasing. An example is this sequence:
"As I begun undressing, just as I was pulling my T-shirt over my head, a very slight moment before that I thought I saw the same light again." - The timing is awkward in this. You basically say "as I was doing something, just as I was doing something else, before all that I did something different". This does not read easily, since you have three different things happening in different times. This is how you can fix it: "I begun undressing and just as I was pulling my T-shirt over my head, I thought I saw the same light again." - This is much easier to read than your sequence; it is more streamlined and it is clear what is happening and when.
Another example of awkward writing is the following:
"We aren't like that. We know each other so well , we are constantly helping each other. We celebrate birthdays together. We live and die together." - This is an exposition giving sequence. These sort of sequences tend to not be very interesting, especially when you are giving everyday life and "normal" information. This is made even worse by the fact you are using a repetitive pattern. All these sentences follow the same format and start with 'we'. All five of them. This combination of exposition + repetitiveness makes for a tiring read. You should be trying to change things up, especially when the content of your sentences don't hold anything interesting.
Finally, there are a couple of technical errors in this, like "house and it's previous owner" (should be 'its'). You can comb them out by rereading your story a couple more times.
Hope this review helped, if you have any questions feel free to ask. MrDupin (talk) 20:57, October 6, 2017 (UTC)

New Carpet For Sale (DENIED)

Hello, I am requesting that this story be reinstated. It is a six story pasta that was removed for "not being sinister enough" and "being too vague". I dont know why these are requirements but they are not part of the quality standards for this site. The story can be interpreted multiple ways but it has enough detail to be interpreted in a way that is sinister. There is no reason for this story to have been removed.

Thank you, Lavecki (talk) 18:24, October 10, 2017 (UTC)Lavecki

I'm sorry, but your story does not work effectively. Much like writing: "I was in my house this morning and I heard a noise." that could be used to infer something sinister or horror related, but in the end it doesn't do a good job using its limited number of words effectively. The original you were mimicking works because you are able to infer what that means and reach your own conclusion with the evidence given (Baby shoes are for sale, they were never worn. This could imply miscarriage, an infertile couple giving up, etc.). Yours is incredibly vague and could be taken to mean anything as there is no real effort to imply something horror-related has happened (a carpet is for sale, it's been cleaned. This could imply there was a brutal murder on it, it could imply that the owner wants a new carpet, it could mean that his pets soiled it and he doesn't want it around anymore. It's way too vague to be effective.) You could easily argue that the owner is selling the carpet for a number of reasons that have no horror implications. Another admin is free to weigh in, but I really don't think this is effectively written. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:35, October 10, 2017 (UTC)
Since I was also part of the deletion, I want to clarify some things on top of what Emp said. Your story was not deleted because it was "not sinister enough". The reason was that the story is not clearly sinister. When I read it, what I immediately thought was that a guy has a carpet up for sale, one that he cleaned. The sinister interpretation settled in later. That is the biggest obstacle writers of such short fiction face. Getting the disturbing interpretation in first.
The reason why the "baby shoes" story works is because it is instantly clear what happened. A couple bought shoes for an expected baby, but the baby never made it. It is clear, disturbing and, ultimately, hard-hitting.
It is very difficult to pull a story like this off. There is a reason why the "baby shoes" story is so well known. I'm afraid your story didn't meet the Quality Standards. MrDupin (talk) 19:15, October 10, 2017 (UTC)
Looks like I got cut off because of your response Dupin, but I thank you for your response. What I was typing when you responded however was this:
The story does work. You have allowed yourself to interpret it a different way, but even so Dupin, you were able to figure out what I wanted to imply eventually. The story you both are refferencing "For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn" is something that you are both, also, interpreting to mean something, much in the same way my story gets interpreted. The difference is that you have decided to interpret Baby Shoes as being sinister, where as my story you have decided not. The only thing we know about Baby Shoes is that A) there are baby shoes for sale and B) that they were never worn. The most common interpretation is that the couple lost the child or some facet there of. However, this can also be interpreted that the shoes are the wrong color, they were too small, they were too big, they were a gift but they already had shoes and didn't need them, these are the last shoes for a store going out of business. It's all about how you intperpret it. My story may not be as famous as Baby Shoes, but it has all the same context for you to figure out what I am trying to convey. I made sure to pick my words carefully as I only had six of them to work with. There is a reason my story is "New Carpet" and not "Carpet", there is little reason to have to clean a new carpet. Sure anything you said could be applied to my story, but by saying that you are also agreeing that anything I said can be applied to Baby Shoes. This story should not be taken down because you interpreted it in a different way than others might.
Thank you, Lavecki
Hey Lavecki. I'm afraid in such short stories, first impressions are key and the first impression we get from your story is a tame one. It is very rare for micro-pastas to be good when the first impression is lacking.
I'm sorry, but this appeal has been denied. Best of luck in your future writing endeavors! MrDupin (talk) 19:44, October 10, 2017 (UTC)
Seriously? Because two people interpret a story one way the first read I am not allowed to have my story here? Please clarify if that's not the case because that is EXACTLY what you are saying. There is no reason for this. First impressions are not key in any micro fiction. Multiple reads are almost always necessary. Even Baby Shoes requires multiple reads. Not everyone gets it the first time around. Lavecki

Once again, you seem to be misinterpreting what we are saying. First and foremost, "Baby Shoes" is not in fact a horror story. ("The difference is that you have decided to interpret Baby Shoes as being sinister, where as my story you have decided not."). It is trying to tell a story in as few words as possible. If it were considered a horror story, it would fail at effectively conveying what the author is trying to relay as its multiple interpretations could range from the tragic to the mundane. Your story IS attempting to be a horror story and its vagueness and failure to effectively use its limited wording results in a story that fails to meet our standards. This appeal has been turned down, feel free to discuss it on either of out talk pages, but please do not clutter the appeal by viewing this as a subjective matter when in reality, given the points listed above, we are trying to be objective and pointing out that your story can be interpreted in multiple ways due to its nebulous writing which weakens the point you are trying to make with your story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:31, October 10, 2017 (UTC)

Playground of Madness (unreviewed)

Just says was deleted for "Quality Standards"

Could you be a little more specific so that maybe I can fix it or gain some life experience? I spent quite some time looking over the quality standards, discussion on posting a all kinds of stuff. I have not found any rules that I have broken, just kind messed up on the title (oops). Took me a while to figure how to do the posting part and you can probably find where my dumb self asked questions and the answers I got. If you just did not like the story and deleted it based on your ideas of what should be on the site, let me know and I'll go along my way. If I messed up some formatting, I can fix it. But since I cannot think of any standards I violated, I think you should undelete it. Still patiently waiting for your response.

--PartyL1keStink (talk) 20:03, October 13, 2017 (UTC)

Hey, so the bulk of the problems were structural and formatting errors. If you'd like more in-depth feedback you can post to the workshop where I'll offer a review. If you fix the mechanical problems it should be allowed back on the wikia. To be fair, most of the problems were mechanical so it shouldn't be a big problem for you to fix. I'm sorry it took me a while to get back to you on this by the way. I hope you can appreciate that a lot of us are busy. If you post your story this week I'll have the review up on the weekend ChristianWallis (talk) 12:46, October 30, 2017 (UTC)

ClawMaster A Short Story (DENIED)

What was wrong with this story? I see no grammar issues! —Preceding unsigned comment added by M.B.S. 1023 (talkcontribs).

Then I would strongly suggest spending more time to brush up on your grammar as there are a lot of issues here. First and foremost, your story is a massive paragraph. Not only does it make the text very difficult to read, but it is also outlined in our quality standards as something that warrants a story's deletion ("Pages that are a single, massive block of text (Wall-o-Text) are hard to read. In short, they will be deleted."). The frequent capitalization, grammatical, wording, and story issues also played a factor in the story being deleted.
Capitalization issues: You randomly capitalize words in the middle of sentences. "Ma(comma missing) All (all) I Need (need) Is (is) fifty-cents for two tokens to play one claw machine!", "Bum Boop Bio Come Win A Prize Be Like The OtHEr Guys!", etc. You also forget to properly capitalize proper nouns. "a Terminator rail-shooter, Mortal combat (Mortal Kombat), basketball, and a candy play-till-u-win machine."
Grammatical issues: "He then looked at a Barbie doll who's (whose) face was too realistic to be a doll" It's=it is, its=possession. "It fought back though, it dug it's (its) now sharp prongs into his arms which was a pain so bad no little boy should ever feel, blood spattered, but he kept fighting.", "That's when the MasterClaw's Claw snapped, it's (its) main tool and brain.", "I tried to get a stuffed animal when I lost but the claw was trying to kill me and make me into one of it's (its) toys", etc.
Punctuation issues: "Todd Oren was a tourist from Reeves, Ohio(,/.) this was his first visit to Orlando and of course they went to Disney.", "Bum Boop Bio(./!) Come Win A Prize(,/./!) Be Like The OtHEr Guys!", etc. You also tend to re-use a lot of words in rapid succession. "He looked at the Luke Skywalker figure and realized it looked nothing like Mark Hamill. He then looked at a Barbie doll who's face was too realistic to be a doll, then he looked at a giant Imaginext Playset, every little part of it resembled faces." In two sentences you repeat the word "looked" four times. Avoid redundancies when writing as it tends to make the story feel bland when you're repeating the same words in rapid succession without it being a stylistic choice.
Fragmented/broken sentences: "Then strange plush animals that looked like children.", "Creepily realistic plushes of children.", etc. Awkward wording: "Todd was seven and stuffed easily creeped him out, even though he liked ghost stories, but these plushes were just wrong", "That's when the MasterClaw's Claw snapped, it's main tool and brain", "The spinning claw was stupid, yet scary and that's when he realized that those plushes were real people.", "That's when the plush cat turned into a real cat, orange.", etc. I would strongly suggest reading your story aloud to yourself to catch instances of awkward wording and broken sentences.
Formatting issues: You need to break this massive paragraph into smaller paragraphs. A typical paragraph is five-ten sentences long. Any longer and it comes off as blocky, any less and the text feels anemic. Additionally you need to space the text out so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. ("Ma All I Need Is fifty-cents for two tokens to play one claw machine!" "Finish your plate first then go, okay honey?" "Yes Mom!" Those kids loved those claw-machines she thought.") This is done to prevent misattribution issues and to improve story flow. If you're confused, feel free to read most books as they properly showcase how to space out dialogue.
Story issues: The story is incredibly rushed. It almost feels like this was written in a single sitting. There are a number of times where you misidentify the entity ("before he could cry Mom, MasterClaw grabbed him by the face", "That's when the MasterClaw's Claw snapped, it's main tool and brain.", etc.) that feels like these issues would have been caught if more time was being spent on this story.
A lot of the story needs work on its descriptions to make it more effective. "Then strange plush animals that looked like children. Creepily realistic plushes of children. Todd was seven and stuffed easily creeped him out, even though he liked ghost stories, but these plushes were just wrong." You need to work on putting the audience in the shoes of Todd to make the story feel more involving. Explain why the plush toys felt wrong, what unnerved him about them, etc?
Story issues: There are other issues but since this review is getting longer than the story itself I'll end it with this: "He was later called Carny, because of his arcade game origins. That's when they knew. ClawMaster isn't dead though." The ending feels incredibly anti-climactic. How does Todd know ClawMaster isn't dead? Where is there any indication to imply that he's still alive. Remember the previous lines before "That's when they knew. ClawMaster isn't dead though." is all about Carny the cat. I'm sorry, but this story fails to meet the bare minimum of our quality standards due to a massive amount of capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues. As no changes have been made to the story, I am turning down this appeal. I suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as these are a lot of errors to be overlooking. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:34, October 24, 2017 (UTC)

The Fox, The Light-Bulb, The Child (DENIED)

https://pastebin.com/6RyeNSKf

--Lamb93 (talk) 21:59, November 1, 2017 (UTC)Lamb93--Lamb93 (talk) 21:59, November 1, 2017 (UTC)

I am afraid the story did not meet the Quality Standards. Even though grammar and the technical side seems to be alright, the plot itself is nothing spectacular. It is simply an exhibition of a weird scene that amounts to a shock ending. I am afraid it is more like an intro to a larger story.
I suggest you read some good stories found either on my profile (under "Favourite Stories") or in the Suggested Reading category. Also, keep practicing and playing around with ideas. With enough patience you will get there.
Happy writing! MrDupin (talk) 10:24, November 3, 2017 (UTC)

DarkShift Sponge (DENIED)

So this story had some big problems I had noticed, so I edited them, so is it okay now? And if not what's the problem?

I'll paste this story here since I can't provide a link. —Preceding unsigned comment added by TheBluePhantom (talkcontribs).

I'm sorry, but this story fails to meet the bare minimum quality standards for the site. Please note that this is not a complete list of all the errors present in the story as there are dozens upon dozens of errors here. As such, this is not comprehensive list.
Capitalization: "It was a few years ago, Two (two) or maybe even three I think", "seasons of spongebob (Spongebob), so my life was pretty normal.", ""Spongebob is that you, What (what) happened to you" the frightened starfish asked. ", etc. You also forget to capitalize proper nouns. "It was actually an episode of spongebob (Spongebob)", "It then cut to flashbacks of various spongebob characters performing acts of cruelness to spongebob and as more and more flashbacks appeared, spongebob got more depressed every time.", "looked very dead just like sermions...", etc.
Grammar: It's=it is, its=possession. "Its (It's) too late for that now you pathetic fool", "Well, its (it's) finally time that you'd ask", "its (it's) time for you to meet your fate".", etc.
Punctuation: Necessary punctuation missing where needed. "I was walking home from a dvd shop with a copy of the sixth season of spongebob in my hands(,/.) I noticed Sermion at the end of the street again looking at the cloudy sky in some creepy way for no apparent reason.", "I immediately looked back up to Sermion to question the man(')s sanity but as I did he was gone.", ""Spongebob is that you, What happened to you(?)" the frightened starfish asked.", etc.
Punctuation issues cont.: You tend to leave punctuation outside quotations. "before coming to me and saying(,/:) "Well, I see that you've got a nice disk over there, how about I give you another disk in return for that".(period should be inside the quotations)", "said(,/:) "I will put you back together".", "I'll squeeze out every organ in your body and paint pictures with your cold and fermented blood".", etc.
Spacing issues: "time.You could even say I was was a hardcore fan and I never even missed an episode from the first few seasons.", "Spongebob approached Mr.Krabs and pulled out a sharp and deadly knife", "Spongebob,you monster, what happened to you" ", etc. You also need to space out dialogue so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. "Spongebob,you monster, what happened to you" The old crab said. "Me, a monster, No crabs you are the monster, your greed and the cruelty of the others made me this, a hideous monster who can't resist killing anyone that is in his sight"."
Wording: "I always watched some type of cartoon from my cartoon fro (from) my childhood (Also awkwardly worded)", "I'll squeeze out every organ in your body and paint pictures with your cold and fermented blood"." (Blood doesn't ferment.), "His hand started to deform from a hand and form into a scythe with the most disturbing sounds. (Awkwardly worded)", "The sponge then approached Patrick and with a swing attacked and killed him before the screen turned black again, with only a bloody slash mark depicted on it. (awkwardly worded)", etc.
Story issues: The dialogue is incredibly awkward and cringe-y. Lines like: ""Spongebob,you monster, what happened to you" The old crab said. "Me, a monster, No crabs you are the monster, your greed and the cruelty of the others made me this, a hideous monster who can't resist killing anyone that is in his sight"." and ""I am the one that haunts and takes the lives of humans". "I am the one who manipulates and murders children in the darkness". "I am Sermion, Sermion the Demon, and its time for you to meet your fate"." are perfect examples. This feels more comical than what you were originally going for.
Story issues cont.: A lot of this story has unintentionally comical lines in it. "The cold blooded demon morphed himself into the body of Darkshift Spongebob and formed the same scythe he had used in the episode. I watched in dread as I was sure that those were the last moments of my life, and as he attacked me I fell in pain and the last things I could hear were the sirens of police cars pulling up near my house." and "The words written were "You have not escaped me" - Darkshift Spongebob.", "But to my surprise it wasn't any normal blank cd because at the top of it the word "Spongbob" (actually misspelled) was written in crooked and shaky letter, but the scariest part was that it seemed to be written in blood.", etc. I think this is mainly due to the premise and the character names which make it hard to take seriously.
Story issues end: There are other issues with the plot, but I'd like to wrap this up by saying that this story hits a lot of cliches that are common in Lost Episode stories (written in blood, realistic gore, dvd given by a sketchy looking person, etc.). In fact, I noticed that the abuse filter blocked this multiple times and I have to agree. This comes off like a lost episode story which currently needs a spinoff appeal in order to be posted. I'm sorry, but I'm turning down this appeal for the reasons listed above and am strongly suggesting you use the writer's workshop for your next story as a lot of these issues are writing fundamental problems. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:03, November 27, 2017 (UTC)

Aunt Cupid Deleted? (DENIED)

IT DID MEET THE STANDARDS!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!!!!!!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DELETE MY PAGES? CAN'T I EVER HAVE A PAGE CREATED BY ME!!!  YOU GUYS ARE SO UNFAIR!!! —Preceding unsigned comment added by Toiletfan2 (talkcontribs).

I'm sorry, but your story did not meet our quality standards. There are a large amount of awkward wording and wording errors present here as well as issues with the plot. I'd suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as this is the second story of yours I've deleted with the same type of errors.
Awkward wording: "As soon as I close my eyes, an image is what I see.", "The bloody nightmare just is around the corner!", "But two seconds before my ears bleed, I pinch myself", etc. I would try proof-reading your story aloud to catch instances of awkward wording that impact the story flow. A general rule of thumb is: If you have difficulty reading a line, then chances are it needs to be re-written.
Wording errors: "I hold a blue blanket and lay it on my bed, then take a sip of water, ready to go to bed (This is redundant. Try to avoid reusing words multiple times in the same sentence like 'then'.).", "Then the scary happens. (Even if this is intentionally written, it still devalues what you're trying to accomplish.)", "My ears bleed, then my heart stops, then I go dead (Once again, this is repetitive. Additionally it's very weak on description)", etc.
Story issues: A lot of this story is composed of generic cliches. Lines like: "Then it has a sentence written in blood. That is right. BLOOD!" and "I wake up, then I pinch myself. It hurts. It was all a dream actually." are ineffectively used and result in a bland story.
Story issues cont.: The story is extremely rushed. While I'm glad you moved on from just a generic bio., this story still feels like it was written in under an hour with little to no thought put into it. It basically amounts to: I had a nightmare, ' nightmares can feel very, very real!', end. It's uninteresting and comes off as hastily written. For example, where does the title come from? You make absolutely no mention of the character's background or even address the antagonist by the name you've given her. I'm sorry, but there are way too many errors here and the story is incredibly bland. As such I'm turning down this appeal and suggesting you use the writer's workshop for your next story as it will be deleted if it repeats the same errors you've had in your two previous works. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:08, December 9, 2017 (UTC)

Dark Dancing Man (DENIED)

I wrote a story, it took my the whole day. I followed the guidelines closely. I had a very bad long day and just wanted to unwind and post one of my stories on my fav wiki :3 but seeing it get deleted made me very pained. I know I'm not the best writer but this made me feel so bad, please put it back on if you don't mind, i thought it was really really good :(

thanks,

-Creepytrollman

Your story had a lot of capitalization ("I was Playing Final Fantasy XV"), wording (" I booted the good old game once again and for the first 12 hours it's been a pretty immersive experience."), formatting (Your story is one large paragraph), and story issues for being only eight sentences long.
The plot was rushed: "I couldn't bring myself to touch that game for 5 months, but then I decided that it's been long enough and I should probably give it another chance since Final Fantasy is my favorite game series", lacking effective description: "I was Playing Final Fantasy XV on my PS4 and suddenly a scary picture of a dancing man popped out and frightened me half-to-death.", and the ending feels very much like a troll pasta - which are no longer accepted on the site: "I should've known to stop playing at that moment, but my lust and hubris had cost me an unfortunate price. ".) that result in the story being below our quality standards.
I'm sorry, but this feels like it was hastily written, there are a lot of mechanical issues here, and the story isn't told very effectively due to the fact that it's eight sentences long, there's little to no description or build-up, and the end feels very much like a troll. As such, the appeal is being turned down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:53, December 17, 2017 (UTC)

Heartless (DENIED)

Hello, my creepypasta, Heartless. Was deleted or denied. I would like to know why it was deleted. Thank you. I don’t really have a copy or link to it. But I believe I have written everything I have on the Creepypasta in my notes. I thought it would meet the standards. I would like to have the reasons of why it was denied. Get back to me as soon as you can. I hope I can try to fix these mistakes, and think of how to make the story better.

-AnimeGirl45

Here is a copy of your story. That being said, I'm going to have to turn down this appeal as the story violates out spinoff rule and has a large number of mechanical and plot issues. Starting with the mechanical issues, there are a number of errors here.
Capitalization: You forget to capitalize words properly at the start of sentences. "personality (Personality): She is bioplar which means she could easily change emotion.", "she (She) wears a mouth mask to cover a scar in the middle of her lips, which she got from the whipping.", etc. You also write in title case by accident. "Or, You Shall Pay For The Sin’s You Have Made.".
Punctuation: You don't apostrophize numerous possessive words or contractions. "And it left a hole in her chest, she stole a white sweater from one of the victims clothes to cover that hole.", "She eats her victims hearts.", etc. You also forget to punctuate a number of sentences: "Facts: She loves ice cream(period missing)", "She hates Nurse Ann(period missing)", etc.
Spelling ("She is bioplar") and wording issues (i.e. awkward/missing words). "And then she went into the woods, and became a Proxies.", "She doesn’t like to be shown weak, or like she has a soft side.", "She acts herself when she is with people she trusts.", "She sometimes charms a victim by flirting with them so they can do her favors, she is a very pretty.", etc. I would suggest using these points to fix up the issues on the completed story as these are prevalent throughout the story.
The story is incredibly rushed and feels more like the cliff notes than an actual plot. "The moment he grabbed Luan to take her, he took out a gun and shot her Aunt in front of Luan. Luan was then 12 years old when she meet Jacob. She fell in love with him, and would do anything for him. He died from blood loss when he was punished with whipping." It is difficult to get involved in the story when you tell events that need a lot of fleshing out in the span of a sentence with little to no effective description.
Additionally, this feels like a vehicle for introducing your character with little to no story here. ("She is a dark brown haired woman, she wears a pink tank top with a white sweater on top to cover the hole of where her heart is supposed to be, she wears blue shorts, and army boots.") The story that is present feels generic due to the lack of description and focus. As such, I'm turning down this appeal. There are a massive amount of errors here and the story needs quite a lot of re-working. I would suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as another work with this many errors is likely to be deleted. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:26, December 19, 2017 (UTC)

Thanl you for responding. I’ll try to work harder on this. Oh, and im not fond with English, which is why I sometimes forget periods, and a lot more things. I have a massive amount of ideas for stories. And I’ll try to make the next story better. —Preceding unsigned comment added by AnimeGirl45 (talkcontribs).

Echoism (ACCEPTED)

I'd like to start by saying I don't know much about computers. I hope my appeal is executed properly. My story was deleted. I put it in the writer's workshop. Quite a helpful place. I've since rewritten it and hope you will accept my story submission to your site. Here is a pastebin link <script src="https://pastebin.com/embed_js/KqNwA35W"></script> for the revised copy I hope you will accept. I hope I did that right. The original deleted version is copied below. I don't understand what the rev template thingamajig is or how to apply it. I fear I am too ignorant of all of this to pull this off.

--Kolpik (talk) 12:40, March 2, 2018 (UTC)

Giving this a bump in the hopes it will get reviewed. It's been quite a while since I wrote this and nearly as long since I read it, but yea or nay at this point will allow me to un-follow this page and put it behind me one way or another. Thank you to whoever reviews this.

--Kolpik (talk) 04:14, October 21, 2018 (UTC)

First and foremost, sorry for the delay. I know it can be frustrating to wait for a response with no indication of when you'll hear back. As I'm not the deleting admin, I can't tell you the exact reasons why your story was deleted, but I'll try my best to review the current form and point out any issues and determine if the revisions are up to snuff for the site.
Spelling: "The familiar creak, \'eak (creak), creak, \'eak (creak) of the old wooden staircase greeted him at each step as he descended into his workshop.", "the maniac dressed up like some sort of homicidal handiman (handiman is the less archaic form to the more current handyman, it's not a necessary change, but the spelling did feel a bit out of place) pressed the play button".
Punctuation: In almost every instance where you use a apostrophe, you also use a backslash (\). I'm not sure if it's a translation error on pastebin's part, but it is quite noticeable and needs to be resolved. Here are a few examples of the 50+ instances of this error. "The mantra danced in Slarn\'s head every time he entered his workshop.", "He excitedly hopped up onto the raised platform of workstation number one and greeted his exhausted, frightened, and overwhelmed guest with a soft drumming on the bound man\'s chest and a light pat", "I hope you got a good night\'s sleep,", "Slarn set the tape recorder down, grabbed his tool belt and swung it around his waist like he\'d done so many times before", etc.
Wording: There were a few instances where you re-stated the protagonist's name a few times in the same sentence which came off as a bit redundant given that you'd already identified him. "Slarn nearly came in his pants when his guest\'s eyes shot wide open and he started to struggle against the bindings that Slarn had meticulously trussed him up in last night."
Story: All in all, I liked the story. It reminded me a bit of a story called "Nihilist Ned" that was posted by Jay ten a year or so ago that has since been removed for publication (it featured a serial killer monologuing to his victim as well as playing recordings). I'm going to say that if you correct the numerous backslash errors and typos (creak) that this story is up to quality standards for the site. Thank you very much for your hard work and time spent revising the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:07, October 21, 2018 (UTC)

Socks (DENIED)

This is regarding my creepypasta, "socks".

It was deleted because of "Repeats a lot of the same issues as their previously deleted story (Capitalization, wording, punctuation, and story issues)" 

I actually think it is much better than sims 4- cracked. Also, it took a long time to finish the story.

Another reason is I am able to fix it because I'm on a computer with Grammarly. Thank you for your time. I understand if you don't want to bring it back.

~~~Kittenwolfie

While I have no bearing on whether your story is approved or denied in its appeal, I still feel like I should point out that I provided feedback for your previously deleted story and an hour later you posted a story that repeated all the same capitalization (you forgot to capitalize sentences, improperly capitalized words in the middle of sentences, forgot to capitalize proper nouns, etc.), wording (awkward wording and you had redundancy issues), punctuation (you forget to punctuate contractions), and story issues (a rushed plot with description issues that result in a bland story).
Currently you are posting an appeal with those same issues present (despite the header that warns that appeals made without revision will be turned down) despite having been given advice on errors to avoid. I'm not sure if this is the best course of action. I'm no longer an admin here, but if I were, I would reject this appeal outright due to the fact that you're ignoring advice and not fixing basic errors that have been pointed out to you. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:43, March 11, 2018 (UTC)

I dont have a copy of the story due to it being written on another computer...

Okay, ban me if you want, but im going to speak my mind.

I came here because i wanted to express myself. I wanted to bring out the deepest, Darkest thoughts of my mind. I wanted to be creative and share my pastas with the world. But no. They all get deleted just because they dont meet your "Quality standards." I understand why you have them, i really do. But a stroy does not have to be perfect to be good. Listen. I went here to practice writing. I wanted to get feedback. But i barley got any and all my stories got deleted. At least let people critique, Goddamnit! The critique the mods DO give is very unclear and minor.

If you want me to leave, Its fine. I will.

At least add a CP newbie page of some sort where newer writers can, well, Write! Its unfair when a semi-experienced writer such as my self has their pastas deleted for the most bland and unclear reasons. If i DO get a reason, Its normally something really minor such as wording or grammar that could EASILY be fixed. Also, This is unfair for people not native to english-speaking places. Some would even say racist.

Finally, I was told i was "Ignoring advice." I did not ignore it, i read it and i heard you loud and clear.

Anyways, I ask of you to be a bit less strict.

~~~kittenwolfie

P.S. my autism could be taking a toll on my skill.

Patchwork (DENIED) Did not follow header

Hello, I think my story Patchwork the Demon Doll  fully met the requirements to be on this wiki and i have written a shorter more explanatory version called Project Patchwork but says Creepypasta wiki:Patchwork so I honestly think my story I HAVE WORKED ON FOR A LONG TIME should be on this wiki and should definetely be brought back.

May I know why my first (and only probably) pasta has been deleted before I post it elsewhere?

No Signal (DENIED) Did not follow header

Creepy pasta called No signal

'The Whisper' Deletion Appeal (DENIED)

Hello.

I have found that my story, 'The Whisper' has been deleted for not following the right wiki guidelines. I read through the guidelines to see if I had to change anything. I didn't find anything wrong with the story. Perhaps someone could show me exactly what I have done wrong as all the report said was that I didn't follow proper guidelines. Please realize that being that unspecific isn't helpful to anyone.

I read through my story again and I don't think it has a similar plot to anyone else's story. I didn't copy anyone else, my story came directly from my own mind. It took me hours and hours to write, plan the characters, etcetera.

Please reconsider your decision, and re-upload my story.

Thank you for your time,

-GrimRi

I'm sorry, while I'm not the admin who originally deleted this story, I can clearly see the errors that were/are present which led to it being removed (and this appeal being turned down). The story frankly has a large amount of formatting, capitalization, punctuation, grammatical, wording, and story issues that result in the writing being below our quality standards.
Formatting: Dialogue needs to be spaced out so two speakers are never in the same paragraph. This is done to prevent misattribution and to improve story flow. "I sat up in my seat and addressed my parents. “This is the town you chose to move to? It looks dreadful.” My mother scoffed, “Honey, you’re being a bit dramatic, Grim is a wonderful town and I’m sure you’ll have friends in no time.”"
Capitalization: You have a tendency to improperly capitalize dialogue tags. "“Hurry up!” My (my) mother called to us", "“What are you talking about?” My (my) sister said with a raised eyebrow.", "“I’m gonna go find a place to change my clothes.” My (my) sister said", etc.
Capitalization cont.: You also improperly capitalize words. "After awhile of checking out the parlor, my Dad (dad) yawned and mimicked sleeping.", "silent. 2 (Two) other kids got on and that was it. "
Punctuation: You have a tendency to not punctuate dialogue/thoughts properly. "‘What a fitting name(,)’ I thought", "“I’m gonna go find a place to change my clothes.(,)” My sister said", "“Well that was fun.” My (my) mother said with a sheepish smile.", etc.
Punctuation cont.: You also forget to use proper punctuation in questions. "Where did you put my Walkman!(?)", "Why would you think that it was me!(?)”, etc. Even if the question is shouted, it still requires a question mark. "The creature only kills the families(') children, no child has gotten out alive." You are using a possessive in that sentence.
Grammar: Your= possessive, you're= you are "You’re (Your) father is right kids, it’s time to hit the hay." It's= it is, its= possessive. "it’s (its) appearance scarred my young mind", "It’s (its) mouth was full of sharp, shark-like, teeth.", "It’s (its) nails were razor sharp and long", etc.
Wording: There are quite a few instances of homophone issues and words missing from sentences. "My mom peaked (peeked) around the corner and smiled at me", "She told (me) to just try and sleep and that they would explain when I was old enough to understand. (Also, isn't the protagonist 13? Why wouldn't they understand what they just saw?"
Story issues: "A few months ago my parents had made the decision to move across the country. My sister and I did not want to move and leave our friends but our parents didn’t care" It feels really out-of-place to not have any reasoning for the parents to relocate their kids cross-country with no reason. This becomes especially apparent when the house they're moving to is in such poor condition ("The parlor was old looking. The wallpaper was faded and peeling, the floors were broken in multiple places and many small items such as papers, trash, and mouse poop covered the floor.". Without a reason for moving, it just comes off as a shoe-horned plot contrivance.
Story issues cont.: "That was the breaking point. I couldn’t hide it anymore. I told him everything, from what I saw at the window, to the whispers that I heard." Why exactly didn't the protagonist tell them before? They didn't like where they were living, they clearly believed what they saw was real, so why not tell the parents?
Conclusion: There are other issues here with the plot (why exactly does the town openly accept this creature's existence and actively provide it with unwitting victims?), but I think this is the stopping point for me as that's enough information to get a start on if you plan on re-working it for yourself. As such, I'm turning down this appeal and suggesting you use the writer's workshop for your next story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:54, October 22, 2018 (UTC)

Perfect Lover: Lovesick Lynn (DENIED)

May I ask what quality standards my story didn't meet? —Preceding unsigned comment added by AnimeGirl45 (talkcontribs).

Your story was deleted because it failed to meet the quality standards for this site. Despite not being the admin who deleted this story, I can see quite a lot of punctuation, wording, spelling, and plot issues in the story so I'm turning down this appeal after pointing out the errors.
Punctuation: While this isn't a massive issue, you tend to overuse ellipses. "Lynn,....she ...I don't know what's wrong with her damn head! She wouldn't ever abuse us...at least not until she got angry." Use ellipses (especially for dramatic pause) sparingly. Looking over your story, it is about 70 sentences long and sixteen of those sentences are ellipses. It ends up blunting the effectiveness of dramatic pauses to use them so frequently and in rapid succession.
Punctuation issues cont.: You have a tendency to not use apostrophes on contractions or possessive words. Additionally you're missing punctuation in dialogue: ".thats (that's) when males started disappearing, and their bodies were mostly never found.", "I looked at the cage(')s door, it was slightly open.", "I raised the knife and brought it down...on my girlfriend(')s head", "I felt someone(')s cold breath leaning into my ear.", etc. "I replied with yes, but her face would turn into a snarl and she would say, "Liar(./!)"", "Have fun suffering in jail(.)", etc.
Wording: There is a lot of awkward wording/missing words here. "SHE killed him, tortured him, made him snap, and go down.", "But my hormones were crazy, I couldn't think right. (If his hormones are at play here, you need to explain how because at that point he was locked in a cage and being threatened.)", "But that gives her no right to actually keep my locked in a cage." etc. I would strongly suggest reading your story aloud to catch these errors before posting it anywhere as a number of these were quite noticeable.
Spelling: "I would always go to partys, get drunk, and hang out with my girlfriend and pals", "But that gives her no right to actually keep my locked in a cage.", "I grabbed it and a (sic) quickly got on my feet and bolted towards Lynn.", etc.
Story issues: Your story could use a lot more setting the stage and descriptiveness to make the story engaging. Take these two lines for example: "They were sweet at first..but then..they became way too obsessive and creepy." and "thats when males started disappearing, and their bodies were mostly never found." Both of those sentences would make the story more engaging with the audience if you went into more detail. What made the letters creepy, how were the bodies found, etc.
Story issues cont.: Your story is also very rushed and it feels like you're hurrying through the plot. Due to this there are continuity issues within sentences of each other: "I saw a sharp piece of glass in the corner of my cage. I grabbed it" and "I raised the knife and brought it down...on my girlfriends head". Additionally, the proxy-angle's inclusion at the end needs quite a lot more build-up to work in the story. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to turn down this appeal due to the errors I listed above and any I may have overlooked while reviewing your story. I would suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as there are quite a lot of issues here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:34, November 3, 2018 (UTC)

There were monsters (DENIED)

i thought my article there were monsters was good, like it had everything it needed 

I keep having weird dreams. The majority of them being about monsters, monsters that haunt me every night. Monsters with distorted limbs and disturbing faces too scary to even think about. The sound they make is the creepiest thing about them though, they make this weird howling sound that sounds like Satan himself. Their eyes pop right out of their sockets and bleed so much that they look like their [they’re] going to die, [random line break]
except they can’t, they’re zombies and they look like aliens with their shrivelled heads. I can’t un-see them, their [they’re] out to get me, I just know it. Just having the thoughts of being mauled to death by alienated zombies is enough to make anyone sick and nauseous at the same time, but I’m their next target...
About three hours later [later? After what?]  they crowded around my house, not anyone-elses [else’s], just mine. I tried not to look at them but i [I] couldn’t, they had hypnotised me, so there i [I] was just stood there in a lifeless zombie-like state while they tried to figure out how to get in. About an hour had passed and I could hear them breaking through my door...
Then I woke up, it was a dream. Or Was [capitalisation] it...
So, quality standards come down to two basic requirements. A story must be literate, and it must be original. Your story is not original. It ends with "it was a dream" cliche which is unoriginal. It has no plot, nothing happens. No characters, no action, no decisions, nothing. You describe a monster and that's it. Also, it's not literate. It's riddled with basic errors that you could've found with a simple re-read. 
I'm not setting out to be unpleasant in anyway, but writing requires a lot of work and if you're committed then you've already taken the first few steps, but there's so much more to do. You need to read the rules and if you're willing to try then this community can be a great place to start your journey towards being a good writer. Next time go to the workshop and make sure that the first person to read your own story is you. ChristianWallis (talk) 16:23, July 25, 2018 (UTC)

Bloody Derek:Origin (DENIED)

Okay I know I had bad standar, but someone wanted to help to correct my grammar, but I didn't see what he said and I tried to do it myself, but unfortunately my grammar was still messed up, if someonw would help me to tried to corrected , maybe the story would be better, I know some thinks it seem based on Jeff the Killer, but its really not, I was more inspired by horror movie talking about cannibal, demons and also about real life event that happen, but I can undertand that I might still do not have the best grammar and spelled, but I understand that my story is being deleted, but with some help maybe I will learn.

Hi there. I'm afraid your story did not meet our Quality Standards and will therefore remain deleted. Not only did your story have numerous technical issues (for example, capitalization, grammar and spelling) but the plot is not solid either. I highly suggest you take a look at stories in Suggested Reading to better understand what we're looking for in the wiki. MrDupin (talk) 21:19, August 14, 2018 (UTC)


That's why I said i need help for fix this I tried myself and its still messed up I was wonder if someone would help if my story will be aceepted and not deleted , so , someone would help me please. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Solonor1987 (talkcontribs).
Hi Solonor. I am afraid your story will not meet the quality standards, even if all the grammar issues were fixed. As I said, the plot is also an issue in this story and it would be very difficult to pull off. A simple edit will not suffice to make this story meet our QS. I suggest you simply take this as a learning experience and move on, sorry. MrDupin (talk) 15:11, August 15, 2018 (UTC)

Red Ink got deleted. (DENIED) Underaged user

I am VERY upset that my pasta got deleted. My first pasta. That I spent an hour on editing for the needs of the community. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Xernhacks (talkcontribs).

Just a piece of advice, your latest story repeats a lot of the same mistakes (frequent capitalization, awkward wording, tense shifting, and plot issues (a relatively generic plot that comes off as bland due to listing off events without building up the story).) that resulted in Red Ink being deleted. Making an appeal without having done anything (especially when your post in the writer's workshop has been critiqued) is not a good start to appealing the deletion. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:51, August 22, 2018 (UTC)

NOMORE (DENIED)

Hello, Creepypasta Wiki.

I feel like my pasta was unfairly deleted. This is for a few reasons. First, though it may have been short, I tried to make it as exciting as possible. Second, I DID read the Creepy cliches, and realized that my character did spend his last moments writing this. However, I feel like that was acceptable because, and I quote, " Looking back, I should
have gotten the hell out of there, but it was midnight and I sure as hell wasn't going out into a 30-mile strech of forest." The protagonist did not intend on going out into the forest because he knew that he was on NOMORE's turf. He would be easily caught and killed if he did go into the forest. Third, I read about the "excessive blood and gore" cliche, and that people mostly put it in for extra shock value. The thing is, the mutilation is NOMORE's hobby. He is so evil and sadistic, that he simply does it for fun. And yes, it does seem a bit coincidental that the corpse was dropped on the button, and that the Protagonist escaped unseen. I agree that it's a bit farfetch'd (NOMORE pokepastas, eh?((sorry.... i have caused the reader of this appeal terrible pain.))) Anyways, this is why I feel like my pasta shouldn't have been deleted.

Yours spookily,

Hey, sorry for the late reply. But your story was deleted because it was riddled with formatting errors, spelling errors (unconcious), capitalisation errors (i need to stay silent) and the plot has nothing interesting going on. I highly recommend you take your next entry to the workshop for feedback first ChristianWallis (talk) 09:42, September 19, 2018 (UTC)
Hey again!
So what you said about capitalisation, (i need to stay silent), is not intended to be capitalised. The protagonist was under a lot of stress at the time, and rushed too, so didn't bother to capitalise. The pasta was supposed to be a diary entry. If my story is reuploaded, I plan on fixing the spelling errors. Thanks!
Yours spookily,
QuartzTheCreator
As the appeal was already turned down, I'm just going to address your concern and explain why this is still denied. The fact that he's writing all of this in the gas station with Nomore just outside creates even more plot issues as it doesn't explain why he's still writing this entry (or why he even started in the first place). In Lovecraft's stories where the protagonist is writing their last moments, it's generally because their situation is hopeless and they have no other options other than to write
Here the protagonist breaks into a gas station and just randomly decides to chronicle the events up to this point instead of: trying to defend themselves, look for a way out, or try to communicate with the outside world (I'm assuming they're using a computer they're typing on because lines like: "nOONONONOn onnoN OO".would be oddly comical if the protagonist was just writing it on paper.). A final note, if he's typing this: "help. i need to stay silent. he... NOMORE. he's outside, saying something. he says "i know you're there".", why is he still writing? I'm sorry, but even if we're to overlook the mechanical issues, the plot is still flawed, rushed, and generic. Given that Christian's already turned down this appeal, I'm just going to chime in and say that I agree with his decision. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:10, October 23, 2018 (UTC)
Understood. Thanks!
Quartz

The Downside of Masturbation (ACCEPTED)

I recently created my first "nsfw" creepypasta which got deleted not long after being written. I have rewrote it and added/took away certain elements to make it better, and I am now appealing its deletion.

https://pastebin.com/hqRtVxK5

It's been a bit since I posted this, just bumping? --Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 10:45, September 19, 2018 (UTC)

While I'm not the person who deleted it, I have read the story and run it by a few other admins so I feel confident in my review. Starting off, here are some of the issues I found in the story that could use correction:
Punctuation missing from a number of sentences. "Goodbye sweetie, I love you. Stay safe and remember I'll be home later tonight(period missing)", "Men's Hand Lotion(period missing)", ""Internet Connection Not Available"(.)", "This is gangrene(,) you god damn monster!", "Trust me, I know(period missing)".
Wording: "The verg (very) thing I lived for!", "And then, I screamed. I screamed so that I jumped due to how startled I was. (This could use a bit of revision as it feels awkward when read aloud.)", "jeering me when I was frightened most" (Jeering feels a bit out of place given its definition: "make rude and mocking remarks, typically in a loud voice."), "I begged my penis, my face hot and red with tears which now ran poured (ran or poured) out of my eyes." "Rather than find something to do in life, I used my genitalial (I think the noun, genitalia, would be a better fit) to solve all my issues and pass time."
Story: Some lines feel a bit out of place like: "How is it that a lonely 19 year old boy such as I had no clue how to be productive while my mother was away?" and "C'mon now, I'm a little bit more dignified than that!", but I can chalk that up to it being the narrative voice for the protagonist. While it's not necessary to correct, it was just something that stuck out to me that I would likely comment on if this were a review.
Conclusion: The references are on point ("I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" and "I'm still a normal person and would prefer normal porn to satisfy my needs."), the story is effective with its premise, and the description works nicely to convey a base fear. I really don't see any reason why this shouldn't be uploaded (with a NSFW tag of course). Thank you for your hard work. I will be interested to see how this visceral story is received. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:42, October 17, 2018 (UTC)

Story (DENIED)

i think that my story you can run was unfairly deleted. i saw nothing wrong with it. and i an almost certain that there was no grammatical errors. there may have been a few mistakes but i'm not sure that it was enough to delete the story. i revised and edited it a few times to make sure it was good. i think that people would find it interesting.

Post automatically denied for not following the deletion header. Also, if your revised version was the one that you uploaded recently, I would strongly suggest taking it to the writer's workshop before making this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:46, September 27, 2018 (UTC)

Jesse (DENIED)

I had a pasta up called Jesse. I got some advice from readers, so I deleted it and revised it. I liked it even better than the first one. But then, it got deleted. I checked the quality standards and the only one it didn't meet was the spellcheck one. I spellchecked it (I misspelled TWO WORDS) and re-uploaded it, but it got deleted again because it was a "re-upload" even though I was making it fit your quality standards.

Just please take a look at this.

https://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Jesse

-Owen Strand

First and foremost, I am sorry for the delay. I'm not the admin who originally deleted your story, but I'll do my best to read the latest version (updated October 9th on the writer's workshop) and try to weigh in on whether or not the story is up to our quality standards. I'll start with any mechanical errors in the story and move onto the plot itself.
Wording: "I confess, I was a little nervous, but they assured me that I was a mature enough son." (This comes off like you forgot to add an explanation 'I was a mature enough son to handle the responsibility/that I didn't need supervision...' because it currently feels stunted and doesn't really do anything to assuage the protagonist's anxiety at being left home alone.), "My level of dismay went from a hundred to a million as I watched him quickly shoved (shove) the ball of skin into his mouth.", etc. I would suggest reading the story aloud to yourself as it's a good way to catch instances of awkward wording and possible errors you may have overlooked previously.
Story issues: I'm going to gloss over this section as I see you have Dr. Bob and Bloodyspaghetti already pointing out a lot of sections of the plot that need revision. I will add onto it where I feel it's needed, but I suggest thinking over your story and trying to take their advice to heart. One of the more noticeable problems is that you attempt to jump into the horror without building up to it which hampers the plot and makes the ending feel anti-climactic. The protagonist is left home alone and the first night is when the break-in happens and there's nothing after to really intrigue the audience. Since everything's contained to this one event, I would spend a little more time setting the stage and playing off the protagonist's apprehension about being left home alone as the initial paragraph states how nervous they, but doesn't do much beyond it to add any characterization.
Story issues cont.: Something I noticed was your tendency to try and quantify the protagonist's sentiments: "I felt a type of fear that was alien to me. Imagine hearing something go bump in the night, but times a thousand. These bumps were coming for me." and "My level of dismay went from a hundred to a million as I watched him". This could use some work as it doesn't really give the audience any insight into how there's a difference between them experiencing something and why is more impactful for the protagonist. What is the difference between us hearing a bump in the night and the protagonist? Why is their situation different? Describe how these things unsettle the protagonist as just saying they do and adding a random quantifying factor really doesn't do that much.
Story issues cont.: Your story could use quite a bit of work with description and leading the audience to what you're trying to convey. Take the skin-shaving scene for example. You write: "Just the sounds alone would've been enough to traumatize me.", but you don't go into what that sounds like or why that noise is so unnerving. You spend a lot of time telling the audience how they should feel ("he stuck out his right arm and did something undeniably horrifying."), but don't really do much beyond stating.
Conclusion: I'm sorry, but I have to agree with Helel's decision to delete this and Bloody and Dr. Bob's feedback in the writer's workshop. You're making progress, but in its current form, there's still quite a bit of work that needs to be done before it's up to quality standards for the site. As such I'm turning down this appeal and suggesting you spend some more time writing this and revising it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:25, November 3, 2018 (UTC)

The Horror of Dr Maniac (DENIED)

I have read the guidelines/quality standards for this wiki very carefully and I can't understand why my story has been rejected. If you reject the story once more, I would appreciate you giving a full assesment as to why it didn't meet the quality standards so as to avoid my submitting future stories that don't meet the wiki guidelines. 

The deted page:https://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Horror_of_Dr_Maniac#WikiaArticleComments 

Sincerely,

~~~~ Tiger60f2

A copy of the story: file:///C:/Users/smill/Pictures/The%20horror%20of%20Dr%20Maniac.pdf

Your story was deleted as it failed to meet our quality standards. There were quite a lot of issues with punctuation, capitalization, formatting, and the plot. As such I am turning down this appeal as there have been no changes made to your story as of writing this appeal as the header suggests.
Formatting: A majority of your story has random line breaks in the middle of sentences so it looks like this:
"She started talking about some new girl in town, but I wasn’t
paying much attention to her. I was daydreaming about going to a reshowing of an old :movie from the 1950s called “The Horror of Dr. Maniac”. It was being
shown in an old drive-in theater in Sulphur Springs."
This makes the story hard to read. Additionally you also forget to add spaces in-between words at times: "“Hello Johnny”, she said as shewalked in." and "Later in July,2018," are two readily visible issues..
Capitalization issues: You have a tendency to improperly capitalize words that do not need capitalization. "I went to the Concession stand, but there was no concession stand" If you are using "De-Molecular machine" as a proper noun, you should also capitalize machine.
Punctuation: Almost all of your dialogue is missing punctuation or has punctuation improperly placed: "“Hi Angela(,)” I replied not looking up from the file for my latest case.", "“Jessica and I are going to the movies tomorrow. Want to come?”.(period not needed)", "“See you tomorrow”. (period should be inside the quotations)", etc.
Punctuation cont.: You waffle a lot on punctuating doctor ("It was an absolute monstrosity. Dr. Maniac had it strapped to the table.") or leaving it unpunctuated ("As I ran I could just barely hear Dr Maniac order his monster to attack and kill me"). While both are accepted, you need to be uniform with your punctuation.
Wording: There is a lot of unnecessary redundancy/ repetition here: "Anyways, while I was trying to collect my thoughts, Dr Maniac walked down the hall about 2 rooms and opened the door to a room.", "7:02 October 5,2015, Sulphur Springs, Texas. We arrived at 6:47 in Sulphur Springs", "I backed toward the corner of the room, as Dr. Maniac and his monster backed (redundant) me to the wall", "I went to the Concession stand, but there was no concession stand (redundant).", etc.
Plot issues: Here is a majority of where the issues were and what led to the deletion of the story. The opening is pretty generic and really doesn't do a good job introducing the story (especially taking into account that the protagonist feels like they're in imminent danger): "My name’s Johnny. Johnny Colten. I’m a detective, it says so on my door.  Everything written in this story is true. I know because I was there. This story will be told exactly how it happened, when it happened, and where it happened."
Plot issues cont.: The description needs a lot of work. Look at these lines for example: "In the room was a body, sewn together of…. Not just human parts, but animal parts, too. It was an absolute monstrosity (How is it a monstrosity, what parts of animals were used, what does it look like?)", "The doctor grabbed some specialized science googles as he got nearer to the big lever which would bring the monster to life", "I took a shot at Dr. Maniac’s monster. The monster let out a most horrible screech of pain, and fell to the ground. I then turned to Dr. Maniac. I took aim. I fired 2 shots at Dr. Maniac. Dr. Maniac fell to the ground, in extreme pain", etc. A lot of these descriptors are bland and don't paint much of a story here.
Plot issues conclusion: There are other plot issues, but I think this is enough to highlight the issues I found. These sections feel like a random Deus ex machina to get the protagonist out of the situation. It comes off as unlikely that he'd forget he's carrying his gun (especially one of that size) "But, since I knew the monster was after me, I knew that finding something to defend myself with was crucial. As such, I ran to the storage room, hoping I could find a gun, or maybe a crowbar." and "And I felt a familiar object. I had totally forgot that I always carry around my trusty .44 in my trench coat! I pulled it out,"
Conclusion: If sorry, but there are way too many capitalization, formatting, punctuation, wording, and plot issues here for the story to be considered up to quality standards for this site. As you were advised by HopelessNightOwl to use the writer's workshop to get help on your writing, I'm going to suggest it again as these are quite a lot of issues to overlook in a story. Best of luck in your writing, I hope to see you in the writer's workshop with your next story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:44, October 14, 2018 (UTC)

Musical Chairs (ACCEPTED)

So earlier this year, one of my old stories, Musical Chairs, was deleted because it no longer met QS. I rewrote it, and believe that it qualifies for being reuploaded to the sight.

Rewritten version here.

Frank Phillips (talk) 15:43, October 25, 2018 (UTC)

First and foremost, sorry for the brief delay. Unfortunately I'm doing these when I can find a bit of free time so I have to schedule it out so I have an hour or so to properly read and mark down any errors I see. Here's my brief review of the story itself.
Capitalization: I would make sure to do a control+F search as I noticed some variation in whether of not you capitalized Daddy/Mommy. Most are capitalized ("And even if there were, her Daddy would protect her."), but there are a few instances that feel like they should be capitalized ("He was the best daddy in the whole world.").
Wording: "... her aunt sat, and pulled down a meat hook and stabbed it through her aunt’s shoulder. Her aunt tried to scream, but it was muffled by tape over her mouth. Olivia saw that they all had tape on their mouths. Her father then put a second hook through her aunt’s shoulders." I might specify if he was putting the hook through the same shoulder or if it was bilateral. It's a relatively small thing, but knowing that paints a bit more of a gruesome picture to the horror that's about to unfold.
Story: While it's not a massive thing, I might include the line about the Johnny Cash song a bit earlier: "Nice Daddy used to play this song all the time. Hadn't he said something about musical chairs?" as it does feel a bit odd that she would remember this after being hobbled and put through a meat hook. Maybe by having him hum it while they're walking down to the sacrificial altar so she can remember something that Nice Daddy used to do and the song's inclusion doesn't feel so random (it can also be a moment to depict how long he's been unhinged by incorporating an old habit into his dark pursuits). This is just a suggestion, but I did find that line a bit out of place amidst the brutality and think it could be utilized a bit more effectively earlier in the story.
Conclusion: All in all, I like the additions you made in comparison to the original. I feel like they strengthen the story more and add a more impactful and sinister twist on a story that was already pretty dark. I think the story is up to quality standards for the site. You can post it whenever you feel ready. Once more, thank you fo taking the time to review/revise your story and for your patience. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:47, November 4, 2018 (UTC)


Thanks, and I'll be sure to comb back through it before I reupload to the site. Thank you again for takking the time to go through it and giving criticisms to make it better.
Frank Phillips (talk) 19:12, November 4, 2018 (UTC)

Splatterhouse 3: Stage Z (DENIED)

My story (Splatterhouse 3: Stage Z)

on this wiki got deleted because it didn't meet the quality standards.

What quality standards did it not reach? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Splatterhouse 3 (talkcontribs).

Your story was deleted for a number of reasons I'll outline below. I'll try to outline all the issues I noticed, but I would recommend using the writer's workshop for your next story as this may not be a complete list and I may be overlooking issues.
Mechanical issues: Punctuation and capitalization issues ("I beat the game for the first time.(,) But (but) when I chose "Start" again"), spacing (""Evil One:Time (space missing) to release the Dark Stone! Did you know I killed the people in those images?""), and redundant phrasing. ("It faded to the battle with The Evil One, I had only one life left in-game. Surprisingly I beat him with barely any health left in-game.")
Plot issues: While there weren't too many issues mechanically, there were a lot of problems with the plot itself. The story feels incredibly rushed and is lacking effective description. Here is the climactic battle in your story: "It faded to the battle with The Evil One, I had only one life left in-game. Surprisingly I beat him with barely any health left in-game." It results in the story being bland as there isn't anything for the audience to latch onto or paint the scene.
Plot issues cont.: Here is a list of video game cliches to avoid or spend more time to effectively work it into the story. For being only about fourteen sentences long, there are a lot of generic tropes. Random images of violence. "It was just Rick walking, for split seconds it looked like images of corpses that flashed on screen." Also, you're trying to scare the audience. Give some detail so they can fill in the blanks. You don't have to be gory per se, but just calling them corpses does nothing to enhance the terror.
Plot issues cont.: Song generally regarded as "creepy" plays on repeat: "Then distorted music was playing, it sounded like Infected Jennifer from the game." Additionally, how is the music distorted, is it gratingly high like nails on a chalk board, ominously low like thunder rolling in the distance, etc. Saying it sounded like infected Jennifer doesn't really build the scene in the audience's head because they don't know how that sound is incorporated into the game.
Plot issues cont.: Not being able to turn off/unplug the game console/TV.: "The game froze, I then reset the console but it didn't work" At this point, it feels more like you're moving through a checklist of tropes and in a 14 sentence story, this is really noticeable.
Conclusion: Finally, the ending is anti-climactic and comes off as abrupt. "I didn't tell anyone about this event, until I felt like sharing this on this wiki." That isn't really adequate explanation for why they'd post this after twenty years? Additionally without really going into how this game affected them, the audience is left with a relatively uneventful/un-impactful story. Those were some of the reasons why I deleted your story and why I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:24, November 9, 2018 (UTC)
Edit 1: I have edited the story to make more sense, link below. ☀https://pastebin.com/AhQuguYq —Preceding unsigned comment added by Splatterhouse 3 (talkcontribs).
Your appeal has already been turned down and these edits are not substantial enough to qualify a re-appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:20, November 11, 2018 (UTC)
Edit 2:You know that I could just submit this story on a website other than Creepypasta Wiki, right? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Splatterhouse 3 (talkcontribs).
You could, and best of luck to you if you do. Hopefully you'll spend more time before that fleshing out the story and trying to avoid the pitfalls I outlined above regarding overused tropes, rushed plot, and character issues that are still present in the story. Given that you posted the original elsewhere and then blanked the page without editing it, I'm going to assume you already knew that. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:56, November 15, 2018 (UTC)

Thy Will Be Done (DENIED)

In all honesty, I welcome this deletion with open arms, I see it as a gateway to improvement and I feel any story is not without critique, and this being a work I created through some toil, I ask for your criticisms, so I can make this a story deemed acceptable by Wikia standards. Personally, having looked over the story myself, I have identified two cliches of the ones listed on the titular cliches page. Those being an unfaithful narrarator, who turns out to be largely unstable mentally, and the use of “I have little time left“ at a point in the story, if either of these two cliches are the reasons you cite for the deletion, well then, please let me know. Obviously I’d have to change a large majority of the story for the former and only a minor adjustment for the latter, but either I’m willing to do to see this project of mine get the green light.

So please, I want to make this story one that I can be proud of, and that at this point rests on your approval or denial. Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Galaxilord1954 EX (talkcontribs).

There are quite a few issues that were present in the story that resulted in it being deemed below our quality standards. I'll start with the mechanical issues and move onto the plot to explain why I'm turning down this appeal (as per the header above).
Punctuation: You have a tendency to put punctuation outside of dialogue. "“What chaos. How could it have gone all wrong?”, (comma not needed)" "“They came to appreciate it in time.(,)”, (comma is not needed outside the quotation) I murmured.", etc. Additionally if you're beginning dialogue on a new line, it should be treated as a continuation of the sentence with either a comma, colon, or semicolon. (""I screamed out to him.(,/:) (New paragraph and the start of dialogue) “Oh Father, how little you know!"")
Formatting/coding: I would strongly suggest posting your story in source mode and not visual editor as every paragraph had coding errors that resulted in the story looking like this: "<p dir="ltr">It’s been two hours since then, the skies have turn darker by the minute, clouds aplenty. ... He did as I commanded, so it is I who enjoys the last laugh. The rest, is in God’s hands.</p> " This can result in a lot of extra editing and in some cases, render the text unreadable.
Bolding: I would strongly advise against bolding every word as it ends up defeating the purpose of its usage ("“What chaos. How could it have gone all wrong?”, I cried out. ... Unlike the bleak thoughts of the stone, to my left, was a remnant of times long gone. "). Overuse of bolded texts tends to create the opposite effect and results in none of the lines having emphasis. It also makes the text look a bit blocky.
Story issues: A lot of the story would be a bit more effective if there was more explanation/reasoning given. Take this line for example: "I looked to my immediate left and right, saw to my west little but a jagged rocky surface, seasoned by so many folks trampling upon it with little care for the ground beneath them. “They came to appreciate it in time.” Those two lines seem in direct conflict with one another by implying people were trampling the ground with no care and how they've come to appreciate it. This results in the story being more vague than it really needs to be which is an issue I'll address below (especially since a majority of Simon Tyran's actions are told in brief recollections and allusions).
Story issues cont.: As I mentioned vagueness above, I also feel like I have to point out the purple prose. The two lines that readily spring to mind are: "Immediately, I began to sweat, felt sick to my stomach, as if a weight far too monumental for myself to burden was dropped upon me." and "Then I realized, the Lord has seen this as a challenge, he sees himself to be the ultimate puppet master, as it were, and so my attempts were so fruitful, he brought this upon me, in order to show me who was truly in power, the villain!". While having an eloquent narrator/protagonist can strengthen the story by adding a sense of reliability/knowledge, a lot of the plot is clouded by flowery language that ends up hampering the story. Given that there are only a few set pieces here, this makes the story feel a bit anemic when the protagonist's speaking style ends up obfuscating and delaying the plot.
Conclusion: Finally, one of the largest issues with the story itself is that it really doesn't deliver the premise and I was torn between whether this was meant to be a creepypasta or an experimental piece. While the concept of God's wrath being visited upon someone for perceived heresy can be worked into an engaging story, in its current form it was a bit difficult to keep focus. I would strongly suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as a majority of these issues could be simply worked out with feedback before it's posted to the site. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:48, November 11, 2018 (UTC)
Thank you once again for taking the time to read through this piece and not only pointing out the flaws unfortunately littered throughout the piece, but how to improve on them as well. I realize that more or less after typing it up on Google Docs, and neglecting to have it reviewed, I more or less hastily just copied the thing onto the wikia page, which is why the code is all messed up, and the story is emboldened.  I have taken into account your points and had my father and girlfriend read through it and give their thoughts. I'm working on improvements now, obviously adhering to your suggestions and using the guide you mentioned. I expect it will be done in and hour or two. Might I ask I send the redone version to you to get a final approval, assuming you don't mind of course. Godspeed.
As this appeal has already been turned down you would need to re-submit an entirely new appeal with a drastically re-worked story that has been entirely re-written (we have had to enforce this due to people re-submitting the same appeal multiple times with minimal work put in). The deletion appeal is to contest a story's removal (As per the header: "Please note that this is not a place to ask why your story was deleted; it's for contesting deletions. If you'd like feedback on your story and/or specific reasons as to why it was deleted, you can try posting it on the writing help forum.") after the appropriate work has been done. I would suggest the writer's workshop after you have completely revised your story as a means of peer-review. Best of luck. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:20, November 11, 2018 (UTC)


Thy Will Be Done: Revised

It's been a day or two now, I've revised the story top to bottom, taking into account not only our suggestions, but those of the users who helped me out on the writer's workshop. Take a look, see what you think, if it gets the greenlight, then from the bottom of my heart, thank you. https://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:637355

Greetings,

I wrote the creepypasta Ritual of the Sad Doll. It is my understanding that it got removed because I created new categories. If I solve that issue, would it be considered good enough for the site's standards? I reckon my creepypasta uses a pretty standard formula in order to get things going (a creepy doll), but I believe that this kind of pasta still holds untapped potential, and my aim was to try drawing from it. A lot of great creepypastas have proven that you can make great use of the same settings/situations (your house becoming suddenly an hostile place, cursed items, eldritch horrors to look out for, a reward for your effort, terrible consequences for failure).

I believe the story to be quite good, but I'll leave that to your judgement.

Thanks in advance.

Ritual of the Sad Doll (DENIED)

LordPebbleton1 (talk) 18:34,

User failed to follow the guidelines outlined above resulting in the post being removed so as to not clutter up an already cluttered page. Please follow the rules if you re-make this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:22, November 20, 2018 (UTC)

Channel 88 (DENIED)

Okay, so I'm assuming my pasta was deleted for either a wall of text, or it wasn't very understandable, or both. But if it was just cliche, then yeah I give up right here. However if it was one of the other two, I revised it a bit. Hopefully it gets through. 

Revised pasta here: https://pastebin.com/sQuhKbXC —Preceding unsigned comment added by Thatsawhoppah (talkcontribs).

I'm sorry, but there are quite a lot of issues here that resulted in the story's deletion. Beyond the mechanical issues (punctuation, capitalization, and awkward/clunky wording), there are also plot issues that result in the story not being up to quality standards. As such, this appeal is being turned down.
Punctuation: You leave punctuation outside of dialogue. ""Channel 87, boring jewelry showcase, Channel 88, picture of (an) 8 ball...".". You also forget to apostrophize possessive words: "the girl(')s mouth was taped and her hands were tied". "numbers. 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and eventually, the final one, the number 8." Avoid starting a sentences with numbers unless you're going to write them out so they can be properly capitalized. The only instance where starting a sentence with a number is commonly accepted is when it is a year.
Wording: "The girl had stopped squirming as soon as her heart was pulled out and crushed, literally. (The usage of the word literally doesn't really work here as there was no perceived wordplay like 'dying of a broken heart'), "He even checked the time to make sure it wasn't 2:00 AM and he wasn't hallucinating, but it was only 7:58." (This sentence needs revision to make it less awkward/clunky.), "Alex's nightly routine was to stay up late from 7:45 AM to midnight" (It doesn't really work to call it a nightly routine if the time you're listing starts in the morning.), etc.
Story issues: While the issues above can be easily fixed, the problems with the plot need more time and revision. Starting with the basics, a lot of your story feels rushed. Lines like: "He didn't get any sleep that night, but he soon forgot about it in around a month" and "The picture of the eight ball always changed in numbers. 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and eventually, the final one, the number 8." feel like you're hurrying through the plot to get to the ending to the detriment of the story itself.
Story issues cont.: This needs a lot more explanation if you're going to use it to explain why Alex is still tuning in: "Alex enjoyed it. He enjoyed every last second of it. He wanted to see more". It also feels at odds with this line: "Alex had a bad feeling in his gut, but he didn't move or change the channel" I would focus more on Alex's mental state rather than a quick few sentences that don't really give the audience any insight into Alex's character.
Conclusion: I'm sorry, but there are quite a lot of issues here and the story itself feels a bit lackluster due to the relatively basic descriptors and your tendency to tell the story passively without engaging the audience. As such, I'm turning down this appeal and suggesting you use the writer's workshop for your next story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:20, November 25, 2018 (UTC)