So, you’ve finally decided to wake up and join me, Daniel, about time really. What’s with that shocked look in your eyes, boy? Don’t worry, you are safe and sound, at home. Yes. This is your home; in fact, we’re in the middle of your living room. What’s that? I don’t quite get what you’re trying to say with this rag over your mouth, let me just take it off.

Hey, hey, you don’t need to cuss like that. Come on, we’re friends… Who am I? Well my name is Felix Bodgen and currently I’m just a handy man around town, but my hobby is killing people. Woah, no need to thrash yourself like this all over the place, relax, man, relax.

What’s that? What do I want? Oh that’s a tricky question, y’know, I am looking for something, I have that feeling something’s missing in me, y’know, but hurting others and I makes it better, Y’know what I mean? Oh you don’t? I thought all teens at one point or another cut themselves and such these days, man, guess I was wrong. Hey stop with those harsh words, I’ve feelings too, y’know. I mean it’s not like I do this because my parents beat me or whatever, I do this because hurting myself too bad would handicap me, but hurting others too bad just feels right. Y’know?

Whom you calling a sick fuck, boy? If I was in your place tied to a chair like that I’d be as nice as I can to whom ever had tied me up like that, didn’t your mother teach you any manners? Even when I cut her up she didn’t cuss this much.

Hey, this is what you get for trying to insult my parents, boy. Now stop acting as if I shot you in the gut, it was just a lousy punch. What’s that, what did I do to your parents? You see the blanket on the couch in front of us, I placed it there so you would not be able to see what I did to them; I doubt you can handle it. You still wanna see it? Okay, that’s your call.

What did I tell you? I knew you wouldn’t handle it, I’m glad I’ve already done this before, if I had pulled the blanket from next to you I’d be covered in your puke now.

Yo, kid, wake up, sorry I knocked you out cold like that, but yeah, every time you insult my family or something of the sorts, you’ll get hit, come on, don’t start crying on me now. If it makes it any easier, I slit their throats before yanking out their hearts, quick, easy deaths. Sick fuck, huh, y’know who was a real sick fuck? That guy you and your folks worship. I’m gonna go to hell for all of this? Oh, please…

Christ wasn’t the son of God, how can a mere mortal be the son of God? He can’t!

You’ve already told me I’m going to hell, but I beg to differ, hear me out without shouting at me for a moment. Christ was a fake man; he just tried to rise to greatness using the Almighty’s name, and we all know how it ended, but y’know what? Lucifer is the real son of God. You find this funny? Well you tell me what’s more likely, an angel being the son of god, or the spawn of a Middle Eastern teenage whore.

God’s gonna punish me? No, no he won’t. God does not punish those who take an active part in his universal theatrical play! You think I’m delusional now? Ha! The world might see boring. But, if you just take a look, there’s a shit-ton of crazy stuff going on. The world is the best form of entertainment there is. Something like this couldn’t just have happened by chance. There must be a writer writing stories and plays of more than seven billion people and this writer can only be described as God, now as a premier actor in his play, I’d never get punished for my deeds, God loves them!

Here we go again with the insults. So, you think God does not like gore, suffering, screams, and pain? Why wouldn’t he? A great drama should always include something bad happening to a character, otherwise it’s boring, ever read anything by Sophocles? Oedipus isn’t exactly a comedic fairy tale, the man murdered his father and sired children with his mother, and that play is regarded as one of the best pieces of literature in history, so if we, lowly humans like these kinds of perversions so much, why won’t God?

What do you mean how dare I compare myself to God? He created me in his image and likeness, y’should know this. Alrighty, it’s about time I take your heart as well. Make sure to hello to your folks once you meet em’ in hell.

Wow kid, one hack of a head butt you’ve got! I didn’t not see this coming, honestly, but yeah, I guess you won’t be having any more brash comments, now that you’re having a hard time breathing properly. What’s that, why do I take hearts? Well to summon our lord and savior Cthulhu of course! Just kidding, it’s a symbolic thing for me and I feed them to my dog, he likes the squishiness of raw meat, y’know? Speaking of dogs, yours kept barking, so I put it down.

What? I can’t understand what you’re trying to say through the tears. You’re going to get out of here? Really? You must be quite the Houdini then, please do show me how you escape. Go on.

You hope I rot in hell, well I’ve already told you that’s somewhat unlikely, however I will eventually rot six feet under the ground.

You think I should be gang raped to death in a tiny cell? That’s a new one, boy! You’re hilarious! Albeit a little foul mouthed for your age, but yeah, the cops are never going to get me if they keep it up like that.

Wait a moment, I’ve an idea!

I’ll let’cha go and you go report me to the cops, tell em’ everything, and that way they’ll get me! I’ve completely lost it now? Nah, I told you, I’m looking for something, hurting people makes me feel good, better than getting a hard on. I’m a junky for bloody entertainment!

There you go I’ve cut the ropes, bugger off.

Yes! Really!

Yeah, I am lettin’ ya go… get the fuck out already, boy.

Oh stop crying and go tell the cops about how I abused you and stuff, exaggerate, tell em’ I fucked your daddy’s corpse or something.

And don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split’cha, honey!




You did not really believe me I’d let you go, did you? Come on! That’s what ya get for being so gullible, boy, a knife in your back. Oh, the look in those eyes of yours, I wish you could see yourself now that is pure terror!


Hey, let me tell you something before I send you to the after-life, terror in its purest form is not a static state but a dynamic one. The more intense the fear is the more one’s emotions die. It is the moment when all hope turns to despair that true terror is born. I live for moments like these!

Fuck me; I’m such a junky for bloody entertainment.

Tell your folks Uncle Felix said hello once you meet em’ in hell, will ya, boy?

Written by BloodySpghetti
Content is available under CC BY-SA