I shall leave the world with this last letter, some may call it a request or a plea for help, I oblige to both of those statements. I cannot or will not categorize what this is, possibly, it is just simple writings by a simple man.
Or, possibly, there’s something more, maybe a sort of silent poetry hidden behind the words in this piece of literature.
Some call me egotistical, arrogant, and egomaniacal; I classify myself as a sociopath. Yes, a depressed, suicidal, sociopath that is what this man is.
Hell, I don’t even know for sure if I’m a man anymore. I’ve fallen into the pit of despair where monsters plot their evil and convoluted schemes for the desolate world up above.
A monster inside a man’s body perhaps, or maybe, a man inside a monsters body. It is foretold to you when you’re a child to give and give and give and give and expect absolutely nothing in return.
You are told to hold onto your imagination and grasp in with the tightest grip of your bare knuckles without letting in any breathing room for it to scream “STOP!” or “HELP ME!”
Yet, it’s my imagination, my sick but elegant fantasies of what I wanted to do to the world around me. What if I couldn’t pull it off, what if it wasn’t so easy to shock the world in such a vast way? If that were the case this predicament would be just a simple fantasy, nothing more nothing less. Just a dream to keep my mind running while in my deep slumber.
The sad fact is though that it is that easy to stun people. That’s what we want as humans, we like to be shocked, whether it be watching the news to see a photo of a little girl's charred remains after a gloriously deadly house fire or it's watching our good ol’ boys overseas lose their lives in the blink of an eye from an insurgent bomb or the undeniable shot of a sniper rifle.
Death is a beautiful thing in my opinion, we escape this shithole we call a home and are buried six feet under without question, that easy.
Then there’s those out there who hold belief in something more, some sort of supernatural all-knowing being that will one day take you up to his palace and treat you with the most amazing catering you could ever imagine. Anybody above a 2nd grade education knows that it’s all a bunch of malarkey, but, they still WANT to believe it.
Are they distraught, scared, or nervous about death and what will happen to them? Or do they just want to hold onto their innocence that there is actually a gleam of hope, a flutter of fate and destiny, and that the world isn’t a fucked up place after all.
Then it was turned into a business, you would have to pay to send your kids on a youth group trip for them to discover God or tolerance or some made up thing just so you can hold to the belief that “my kid is so much better than your kid”.
Even the church is a money laundering scheme no better than a pop up ad on your monitor asking for you to give five dollars and they can turn it into 5000. It’s all a sham, whether it’s the “It only costs five cents a day to feed an African” or the church just looking to grow bigger, faster, stronger.
People succumb to the consumerism, sure go out and buy a bible if you believe the hoax but then they buy Papier-mâché angels and glass Jesus figures all the while giving more money to the big businesses.
Now you probably would think that somebody who shares the same beliefs as me would basically ridicule all religion and hate everything and everybody. Well I do hate everybody and everything however I don’t have any impartialness to diversity or religious freedom. Saying that, though, I don’t feel sympathy to the people who died in 9/11 or the people who perished in the holocaust. I don’t find Hitler or Al Qaeda to be great men or that of Lucifer’s work either.
Was what they did evil, yes perhaps but it wasn’t wrong. Only wrong in the definition of what you think is wrong. If Hitler thought what he was doing was perfectly fine than who are we to call him a demon? Who are we to say what the neo-Nazis are doing is in fact wrong?
They believe what Hitler preached to the audience of millions of intolerant Germans hit the ball right on the bat. Also, you must ask yourself, how innocent of people are we? Sure, the people in the holocaust or the Twin Towers or even the Oklahoma City bombings would probably never kill hundreds or thousands or, in Hitler’s case, millions of people.
However, I could guarantee that 98 percent of them were absolute filth who caused no good to the world besides working for the system. They say “oh but they had families” well I concur to that statement.
In my opinion I think that it's just good riddance, now those people couldn’t produce more incompetent and unneeded beings on this planet. We are all filth in one way or another, the man sitting on death row for murdering an innocent child and the man giving his weekly pay away to a charitable organization to clear his guilty conscience.
Nobody gives to not receive, that man thinks that one day all his good deeds will prove well to him in the long run. You don’t think that if he knew he could get away with it he wouldn’t have killed his wife, or his kid, or his boss, or coworker, or whoever it may be if he knew he could and suffer no consequence and live life without the sickening conscience he would in the matter of a day.
It's human nature, you know, kill or be killed, it’s in our DNA, mixed and coated into our animalistic mindset. That’s all we are, animals, scavenging our habitat for our next meal, our mate, and our ultimate success, all to lead to our ultimate demise.
Enough with my rant, my take on life ultimately means nothing now, I'm no more than a fragment of the universe. I’m no more than a grain of sand washed upon the bay of life and left to perish as the bitterly cold water rushes through my body. People write to me, they tell me to give myself up, submit to the police, and admit your guilt and then we can start our process of healing.
Others say I’m innocent, that it's fear that keeps me locked inside this cabin. I'm not guilty or innocent, I did what was and still is right. I fought the law because I wasn’t about to conform to a system, a way of life, that I didn’t believe in. Subliminal messages flood the screen, the propaganda floods the outside of my window, along with officers, media coverage, and of course 88NT.
In case you read this in the future, and (as I pray it will be but expect it won’t be), 88NT is long dead and gone, I’m sure you’re going to be in need of an explanation. 88NT stands for eighty eight North team, a radical Christian group founded in Minnesota in 2088.
They are gay bashing, tea party, intolerant assholes who believe that it's God's will that America be the greatest country on earth. Their rise to prominence started slowly; they picked up a few conservative politicians who labeled themselves as “the 88’rs” on the nomination ballet.
It was presidential candidate Larry Crowell who gave the cult notoriety in 2097. He went on to successfully win the presidential election and that’s when the whole world turned upside down.
The conservative party (now basically all 88’rs) went on to win the congress and senate thereby reforming the whole country to the 88NT lifestyle. As for the Supreme Court being able to reject the laws as unconstitutional… that was now a whole different story.
Two of them were assassinated exactly a week apart, right after they spoke out against a new law that banned homosexuality all together. If you were caught doing any sort of faggot (that is the acceptable word for gay now) activities you were put on trial and giving a maximum sentence of eight years in prison. Almost all people received maximum sentences.
Four others were already 88’rs themselves, and as for the others they said they had “seen the light” but people like me who weren’t blinded by the lies saw what was really going on.
It was either join the system, live a content life or die, no questions asked. Still, life was somewhat acceptable for me. Being a straight 20 something male that had a good enough job and a good enough girlfriend I'd say I was pretty well off.
I knew that they were watching me every step of the way though, so even the slightest slip of the tongue could get me a fine, shunning, or perhaps even jail time. I kept it all in my head until the summer of 2098, June 4, to be exact.
I took my gym bag into my bathroom where, in my scenario, they posted no cameras. I had been building pipe bombs and other deadly accessories in there for that whole month of May.
I took the weapons out from under the sink and placed them carefully in my bag then I threw some towels and clothes over them to divert attention. I lived about seven miles from an 88’rs compound where children went as young as three and as old as 15 to learn the ways of the 88NT.
I don’t regret what I did that day, I have not an ounce of guilt for killing those kids, and I feel a sense of pride for killing the mentors. I wish it hadn’t had to come to this. Yet, I’ve done those kids a favor, 18 of them they say and four mentors.
I took them all from the fucked up ideology that is 88NT. Sitting alone with just a TV and enough food to last me a good six months and a shotgun I used to blow my girlfriend's brains out, I threw her body at the media below from my second story window to get rid of the stench. I've been in this cabin for four days now.
Most of the time I just reminisce of the old days when I was in elementary school and we learned about these great presidents, we learned about guys as old as Lincoln and guys like Kennedy, we learned about Bush’s actions after 9/11 and we learned about our first black president, Barack Obama.
We learned about the worst presidents ever, like James Buchanan and Ulysses S. Grant. Fuck, what I would do to have one of them in power. Take these words as a cautionary tale, maybe they’ll write my name in the history books as the man who changed it all… I don’t know… nobody knows… good luck.