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You’re gorgeous when you’re silent, an elegant painting easily explored without the “nagging” of your breathing. As if my hands were made to fit your neck so nicely, wouldn’t you say so? Oh right… You can’t say anything.
This is going well, we’ve met in the glimmer of a few intimate nights and adoring the common grounds we shared effortlessly, I was infatuated. You spoke to me like no one ever had, shared with me your most deepest thoughts, and I opened the door to mine. In a perfect world, we were perfect.
But your obsession… The constant need to know who I was talking to, who are they to me, and what we are talking about. Of course followed by passive aggressive guilt tripping. “Okay I’ll leave you be then”, “Oh I didn’t know you talked to other guys”, “Well Ms. Popular”. Driven by the need of your acceptance I fed your concerns with sugar coated reassurance and obedience. I became your pet, only yours.
I didn’t mind the controlling or over expression of jealousy, in my head no one could hold me in place and I’d do as I please. Slowly recognizing my faults of being independent I eventually realized I was a mere puppet in your show, the main attraction, the silly pawn you could rule over as your own life crumbled, you attached yourself to mine. Be careful what you wish for Dear…
You know, the way you lay here almost seems unearthly. As if this spot right here was the completion to your being, as if you were made to be breathless at this precise moment… How alluring.
As days went on with your pity party and false sympathy fishing, I calmly plotted my plan to break apart from you. Play on your victim side, where you’re most sensitive and prone to accept consequence, I was wrong. “This isn’t fair to you, you deserve so much more than this, I’ll never fully be yours, find someone that’s best for you”. I tried to play your game by keeping you on your pedestal above me but all you responded with was “Please… Not like this, don’t do this. You’re the best for me”. You’re just too damn good aren’t you? Even when I know you’re playing a sorry sap, I still manage to feel for you, stop it.
I’m worn out, tip toeing around your impossible invisible rules, finding reasons to be upset with me and any problem that arose apart from my existence you simply made it your duty to have me pay for it, this is getting old darling. I’ve been resilient, holding against you and your ridiculous need for co-dependence I am nothing but patient. I’m wearing thin though, keep skating on thin ice and you’ll eventually find that one spot where it all comes crashing down. Go ahead love, keep skating…
Oh the night is nearing us, I don’t wish to move you from your gallery of beauty, such a true poetic tragedy all over the floor. If you could see yourself now you’d be thanking me for letting you go so justified. So proudly. So angelic. I think I’ll keep you right here undisturbed, rest easy Dear.
Your skates seem to be weighed down by hypocrisy, you’re stumbling sorely becoming aware of my intolerance. As I’ve blossomed into a debutant I warned you to quit pushing my limits, to let me be myself and loosen the reins, learning your game so well I mastered the levels subtly and even added a few of my own. “I’m sorry are you pre-occupied?”, “You’re just kind of quiet I wasn’t sure”, “I was just asking, I wasn’t making an issue of it…”. Being abrasive but acting innocent and unknowingly antagonizing, this became my bread and butter. To paraphrase “This is how the world ends, not with a bang but with deceit”, my last card up my sleeve was dying to fall out. Let’s end this lethal charade.
The morning you decided to snap on me, all my counter passive aggressive play has consumed you and erupted. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this exhilarated in my life… However this is where you made your second most biggest mistake, you came at me fist first, a predicted mistake might I add. A true fighter exercises the intellect and not the body, know your surroundings and your opponents weaknesses enough the fight is already in your favor, the physicality just becomes foreplay. Being over a foot smaller than you it was easy to duck and slide the knife through your ribcage paralyzing you in place. An overreaction maybe but here was your first biggest mistake, thinking you could defeat me. You’re so inexperienced, pitiful, your size became your weapon but only effective in your mind. A weapon can be useless when you don’t know how to use it, and this my love was your flaw.
You crouching over my shoulder and me feeling your warmth gradually draining along with your gore, becoming unsteady under your weight. I let go of the knife and held you in my arms for a moment long enough to kiss your crimson lips and stare into your slowly dimming eyes. Laying you down and folding my hands are your neck to be sure you choked on your last breath, I was your last conscious sight, I smiled for you…
So here we are. Perhaps I should cage the easily awakened beast I covenant inside, the vindictive being that becomes my primal nature when under attack. But this would make life so drab, besides after seeing what I’m capable of after this mornings confrontation I may just enhance this behavior. I will be unstoppable.
That beautiful girl next door, searching through books in the library, sipping a cup of coffee, sitting on a park bench, walking her dog. I could be anyone… Don’t become my next art piece…