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People have a desire to know things that they really shouldn’t know. I think it’s part of being human to knowingly seek out information that normally would be unavailable, no matter the cost. I don’t condemn or condone this behaviour; I am merely here to explain how someone possessing sufficient determination and courage (stupidity?) might come by some of this information. Specifically, how someone might learn everything they need to know about their future.

It won’t be easy for you, fair warning. The future is a complicated matter, so you won’t find what you’re looking for on any street corner. But if you follow these instructions, you just might be able to find out what you need to know without any serious consequences. The first matter of importance is the time of month. There needs to be no moon in the sky on the night that you seek your answers, but the weather is unimportant. Cloudy skies obscuring the moon will not do; don’t start looking for loopholes already. It must be a new moon for you to find the object. You will need to go to an abandoned building; one much bigger than a house. It could be a factory, refinery, hospital, you get the idea. It must be away from an urban area with lots of noise and traffic, as being interrupted would be a very poor idea indeed. This means you must do this alone. This cannot be stressed enough.

It would be a good idea to decide on a suitable building before the new moon. You see, the building must be quite specific in its design. You need to find a room within the building that is situated below ground level, with no windows (or other source of light), of moderate size. I am not quite sure of exactly what moderate size means, but basically no aircraft hangars or broom cupboards. The room you select must have a door on the southern side of the room. This is of utmost importance, please do not get your sense of direction confused. Doing it in a room with a northern situated door would be a very poor way to spend an evening. The room must have a storage unit of some description in it; possibly a desk, drawers, cabinet or sizeable box. The storage unit must have been in the room already, do not bring any such item in with you. Whatever you do, until it is a new moon and you have committed fully to your quest, do NOT open the storage unit. If you do, you will not find what you’re seeking. You see why identifying a suitable room and building before the new moon is ideal? It might take a while, but seeing the future shouldn’t be easy.

When you go back on the new moon, you must be prepared to enter the room completely naked. That means no wristwatches, nothing. Try to remember where the storage unit is within the room, and practise gauging time with no phone or watch. The task will only be able to be completed between around 2am and 3am. Opening the drawer or unit before 2am will simply result in failure; having the drawer open after 3am will be more of a problem. If the storage unit is definitely not where it was last time, get dressed and leave. Never try again, you’ll be happier for it. If the unit is about where you remember, you are ready to go. Open the drawer after 2am, and reach inside of it. You should feel a small candle and box of matches, as well as a larger item. The larger item is a polaroid camera of no distinct brand or design. Light the candle and place it against the eastern wall of the room. Again, please don’t mess up your sense of direction. This particular ritual could be likened to an occult game of “Operation”, where any deviation from the desired line results in failure. Not just an angry buzzing, but I’ll leave that to the imagination.

You probably won’t notice immediately that you’ve made a mistake, so keep your wits about you. With the candle lit, you can proceed to ensure there are no extra items in the drawer, particularly coins. If there are coins, leave immediately, and do not take them. If there is nothing else in the drawer, you may take the photos. There are 12 polaroids in the camera, but you do not need to use all of them. Stand with your back to the western wall and take a photo of the candle. Wait for it to develop FULLY before taking another; this rule applies to each photo you take. Despite the lack of light, the polaroid should develop quickly. You will notice immediately that the photo is not of a candle. If it is, I’m so sorry. It will be a photo of you, but a reasonable distance into the future. This could be 20 years or 200, it really depends, so don’t be too concerned if you see a crumbling tombstone. That will be most of us in 200 years (unless you placed the candle against the western wall). This is where the quest becomes interesting. You may use as many or as few polaroids as you like to find your answers. Each photo you take will be closer to the present time, but the time difference between photos will be random. They may show your future house, or car in the background. They may show your future wife or children. The most important thing here is to KEEP COUNT. You do not want to use the last polaroid, no matter what. Trust me. There are many ways to grant eternal suffering from this quest, but by far the worst is using the last polaroid. Using the last polaroid will invite an entity into your world that is as old as time itself. It may not kill you immediately, in fact it may never lay a hand on you. It will, however, ensure the most horrific suffering you can imagine. That could mean watching everyone you love be flayed alive, every day for all existence. Maybe it will possess you and let you watch it do horrible things. This is not an entity that you want to have tea and biscuits with.

With that in mind, most people use 5 or 6, get a few answers and leave. The daring ones use 11, I appreciate their bravery and concentration. Care should be taken to look at each photo carefully. If there are any obscure shapes hiding in the background, it is time to conclude your quest. If each photo is of the same tombstone, it may not be worth continuing until you can see the inscribed date. Wouldn’t want it to be too soon, particularly if you’re not 100% confident of all the previous steps being completed correctly. If you use less than 11 polaroids and the photos all are devoid of peculiar shapes, good on you. You are done now, just make sure you conclude your quest before 3am. Place the camera and all the Polaroids back in the drawer, blow out the candle and place it in the drawer too. Leave the building and get what you can from your answers, but don’t try the procedure again. I hope you got what you desired.

If you used 11 polaroids, I have an apology to make. I did say earlier there were 12. I think I put one less in this time.